Mother falling apart after son accused of rape!

[Rizaflo]

Hi I am a mother of a 19 year old who has been accused of rape and need to meet ppl in the same situation and to find away to vent my anger. Nice to meet u all.

[Verity]

Hi Rizaflo,
Welcome to the forum.

This situation of young men being falsely accused seems to be on the increase,

but interestingly more mothers are taking up the fight, So well done.

There are a few mums on the forum who will be able to give you support and

reassurance so hang on in there, I'm sure they will be along soon.

[Denise]

Hi and welcome

I was in the same situation as you
It's good you found us, you will get so much advice and support from us

Keep posting and together we will help you get through this xx

[J&PVTHW]

Hello Rizaflo

I am also in the same situation as yourself, my son is just 18 yrs old.

I have gained invaluable support from this site which has been a huge comfort to me while we are going through this dreadful time.

Denise is a great person to speak with, she has got me through some very dark days.

I am sure you will relate to my posts when you read them, we are all very much here for each other.

Take Care x

[Denise]

Thankyou, that's such a kind thing to say

I am totally useless on the legal side of things but having been through it my heart breaks when I see a new member joining for I know what they are going through

After 5 months of investigating CPS decided to take no further action on my son

All the members here have suffered one way or another

Further action , no crime, no further action, and the rest also partners of accused

Lots of members here will give you superb advice regarding solicitors and the do's and donts

The sadness of it all is the fact we are all so naive when joining the forum with regards to the police but we gain so much knowledge and find the strength to fight our accusers xx

[Faith]

Welcome to the forum.

The best thing to do as a start is to read Casehardened's thread on what steps to take once a false allegation has been raised.

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

Like Verity says, it's good to see so many mothers taking up these fights, especially when the sons are so young.

it's an awful situation to be in, but you will find a great deal of support here.

If you want to post up a brief outline of your story under the Falsely Accused of rape section, you might be able to get some specific advice.

[Rizaflo]

Thank you all so much!

My world started to fall apart when my hubby called me on Tuesday afternoon to say the police had called to say my son is charged with rape. Hubby took him in on Wednesday morning he had to be there at 8 am. They charged him with rape and arrested him. One will never know the pain u feel unless u go thro the same thing. He had to appear in court the following morning what we thought was for bail, was not. I had taken out a policy with a bank that helps you when you need a lawyer for anything. So they appointed the lawyer we only met him the morning of the court hearing.

Now while we were trying to find out were his case would be heard, we waited outside the office no 12 a man came past with chains around his ankles I had a panic attack. It was then it made me realise what was happening.

When in court they called out names and called our surname and looked at my husband becoz he was the only white male in the court room. They had no clue where my son was. Then they realised he was still in lock up in the holding cells. They arranged for him to be brought in to the court. When they brought him in and with cuffs on its ripped my heart to shreds. Any way when it was eventually his turn our lawyer said he can only attend a bail hearing the following week Friday 16th March. As he was fully booked.

So we go home and fall apart, mind cant think straight. Seeing one has watch so much TV about holding cells and prisons.

They say visiting hours are at 12 till 1pm so we get there to visit and its almost like a riot of black woman to see there family. You cant get to the gate no one helps or even attempts to help. So all we can do is turn around and go home.

Now while at home I think of some one who might be able to help so I call him and he finds another lawyer who was prepared to help us but u had to put down R7000.00 for him to help. But the lawyer I had would not step down until the bank had said he must so friday afternoon late eventually he steps down. Way to late!

[Rizaflo]

oops sorry if I posted in the wrong place!

Sorry if I have placed this in the wrong area!

[Faith]

Are you in England or Scotland?

[Casehardened]

Now while we were trying to find out were his case would be heard, we waited outside the office no 12 a man came past with chains around his ankles I had a panic attack.
Now while at home I think of some one who might be able to help so I call him and he finds another lawyer who was prepared to help us but u had to put down R7000.00 for him to help.

Hello Rizaflo,

From what you have posted it seems that you are living in South Africa.

Now obviously we are pleased to have you as a member of the forum and will offer support as best we can but as far as I know none of us have any experience of the South African legal system so it would be wrong for us to offer any advice on procedures.

You have done the right thing in contacting a lawyer and we usually suggest that anyone in your position instructs a lawyer who is a specialist in defending false rape allegations and preferably one who is recommended by other clients.

[Saffron]

Hi Rizaflo
I'm sorry you had to find us but glad you did.
Before you pay any money to anyone, I would urge you to do some background research. Just try googling their name and see what comes up! If this lawyer is asking for so much money up front then you are well within your rights to ask to see testimonials from satisfied clients. In such a horrendous situation as the one you find yourself in now it is easy for duplicitous people to prey on you - you are vulnerable and afraid. Some vile people will take advantage of that.

Will there be any forensic evidence? Did your son actually have consensual sex with the accuser, or has she fabricated the entire incident?

Try to think about reasons why she would lie about this. Is compensation offered for victims of crime in SA? Was she in financial difficulty? Is she an attention seeker, does she have a boyfriend who would be angry if he knew she had willingly had sex with your son? (if they even did have sex of course).

The most common motives for a FA are:
Attention seeking (never underestimate the power that goes with "victim" status)
Alibi (using rape to explain an infidelilty)
Financial gain (compensation)
All of the above together.

Unfortunately I know nothing about SA law, so I can't advise on the intricacies of the legal procedure. However, the basic steps to follow are to think of a motive for the FA; get your son to write down everything he can remember about the alleged incident and get a highly experienced legal team.

Good luck! We are here if you need us.