Son falsely accused of raping step sister !

[Faith]

Not a pleasant truth is it?
But you'll be safer for knowing it.

[J&PVTHW]

As so many have already said on this site now my fight begins, how true this is !!

I'm feeling all sorts of emotions at the moment from dispair to hate, i ask myself the same questions every day ... WHY ??

My day to day life feels like a distant memory at the moment nomality seems so far away is this normal ?
I guess how i'm feeling is no different to anybody else on here but im beginning to feel like im going mad. The best time of the day is when i wake up in the morning and for that split second its not on my mind then it all comes flooding back.

I've gained some fantastic advice on here, thank you all so much xx

[Denise]

All your feelings are totally normal

I couldn't remember what it was like to smile or to just have silly things on my mind

The protectiveness a mother feels for her child in need is overwhelming no matter what they're age is especially when you know the accuser(s) are blatantly lying

Our accusers robbed us of so much on those 5 mths

to think I could've got their father banged up for beating me yet his record is clean but my sons never will be , I had photographs too to prove what he did to me

But my saving grace is that he will always be a woman beater and sick
And his daughters will always be attention seeking liars
And I can rebuild my life based on my honest morals

Like you, our sons were caught up in families they didn't choose, the adults chose it and they became the victims

And yes, never having dealt with the police before I thought they believed me from the start but obviously didn't xx

[Faith]

I'm sure they do believe you in many cases...but often that is irrelevant.
If they can still wangle a conviction, many of the plod will still press ahead...

[fighter]

I'm feeling all sorts of emotions at the moment from dispair to hate, i ask myself the same questions every day ... WHY ??

My day to day life feels like a distant memory at the moment nomality seems so far away is this normal ?
I guess how i'm feeling is no different to anybody else on here but im beginning to feel like im going mad. The best time of the day is when i wake up in the morning and for that split second its not on my mind then it all comes flooding back.

J&PVTHW, this roller coaster of emotions is normal as you guessed. And that big question of WHY will always remain until the accuser confess or somebody overheard her saying why.. after 1.5 years of my partner being accused, we are still aiming to answer WHY which our solicitor and barrister advised as something we might never know and to just focus on how to fight the allegations.

There will be many days of despair, hate...but there will also be days that it would be better and your fighting spirit is so high!! I am praying for more days of the latter for you :-) When you are feeling down come to the forum and look at the brilliant news of NFA and not being found guilty. Try to avoid horror stories at those moments. Hang in there and take care of yourself and your family.

[J&PVTHW]

Good Morning Guys

Thank you again for your kind words again ! It has been a great comfort to me that i am indeed not alone which is something that i have felt.

Can i ask you all a question, is it perfectly normal to want to hide yourself away and not talk to some of the closest people to you? I just feel as though (apart from people who are or have been through my situation) i dont want to talk to people on a daily basis and definetly dont want to go out.

My husband and i seem to be going through the mill at the min one moment we are great the next i cannot stand him near me. He is trying to (bless him) take control of the situation and i am pushing him away.

Denise, i do feel robbed at the moment. 12 wks ago my son was accused and i just feel like all of our lives are on hold. I feel so angry !!! I have been told that she can claim in excess of £12k even if my son is never charged how can this be?? My husband and i work extremely hard in our business and pay substantial amounts of tax how and why can this person claim 'our' hard earned money when causing us so much misery.

My ex husband (father of both children) has taken his daughter's side and has not spoken to my son since the allegation.He has not once rung my son and asked him for his version of events or wanted to question him. My son has turned 18 during all of this yet he has not even sent him a card and my son's grandparents have adapted the same attitude. My son has been devestated by this stance which has added to my grief for him. My opinion of his father (ex alcoholic) and terrible father (never contributed to my son's upbringing) i have never let known to my son as i have allowed him to form his own opinion. I have since said to my son that his father who i am aware has given a statement to the police will have to live with his decisions for the rest of his life. It doesnt stop me though from feeling angry.

Fighter, thank you for your words of support is your fight over?

Faith, the police handling the case has been very friendly to my husband and myself during this investigation. I really thought he believed my son. It is now only after speaking to a specialist that i have been told that is how they operate. I feel like i have been lulled into a false sense of security.

This message is to everyone on here .. is there anything else i can be doing to help my son ? My son i feel does not understand the seriousness of what he's been accused of and firmly believes that he is innocent and so keeps telling me not to worry as this will 'all come out in the wash'. Innocence hay !!

[Izzy]

I think it is normal J&PVTHW,
I've avoided friends who I know would be supportive, just don't want to see them. I avoided going out in the beginning to but it's not a good thing to do as it gives you more time to dwell - not good. Try and go out, even if it's for a short walk, it does make you feel better.

Take care,

Izzy x

[fighter]

Can i ask you all a question, is it perfectly normal to want to hide yourself away and not talk to some of the closest people to you? I just feel as though (apart from people who are or have been through my situation) i dont want to talk to people on a daily basis and definetly dont want to go out.

Fighter, thank you for your words of support is your fight over?

This message is to everyone on here .. is there anything else i can be doing to help my son ? My son i feel does not understand the seriousness of what he's been accused of and firmly believes that he is innocent and so keeps telling me not to worry as this will 'all come out in the wash'. Innocence hay !!

yes, it is normal to withdraw from people at some point even from those who would be supportive; because sometimes you need to digest things, to think, you need space and time; but there will come a time that you will need their support also. this is a long process; just follow what you feel and be kinder to yourself :-)

it is annoying knowing about the compensation. My partner was told of this on the day it was arrested; we thought it was only for the accuser to stay on benefits! but this is quite hard to prove also.. but really the thought of paying taxes and the accuser getting it is just frustrating. At some point, I also didnt want to pay the council tax because part of it goes to the police! And I missed on two payments because I was really angry but of course I paid it hahaha! you cannot really boycott the council tax!

We are still fighting; the trial is on May; but we have a good solicitor and barrister on our side. We are looking forward to it. We got into this nightmare since December 2010. Hang in there, if we survived it, you can also survive it.

It is somehow good that your son is not so down about this allegation; in a way it helps him cope up with it. You can just be there for your son; be familiar with the process and get the specialist and make sure everything is done to defend his innocence. I become my partner's secretary; researcher, detective and personal assistant to this situation while I let him deal with his emotions and thoughts. It will also make you feel more in control of the situation. :-)

[Denise]

My son was the same, because he was innocent he couldn't see it getting anywhere
I had to sit him down and skim over what it could entail without going into details

I don't want to scare you even more than you are but watch your son, mine didn't live with me and Xmas week I realised he was drinking himself silly in his room alone every evening
He also (although we've never discussed it since) wrote me a text about 2am one morning which I took as his goodbye, it devastated me and I sat up all night phoning him and texting him back saying these girls will not do this to us, I insisted (I know your case is different) that he stay over a few nights a week and just do normal things

He got through it but has had health problems, blood in faeces etc
I don't even want to think how he'd been if he properly understood the whole thing

One evening we were walking to my car and he said "mum, if the court don't believe me, how long will I be away for?" I'm crying now at work just writing that, that's when my hurt, anger, everything hit me hardest and I thought I couldn't cope anymore and I found this fantastic forum with these fantastic members

I removed myself from society too, I couldn't cope

Our accusers could've got 33k each !

My old signature was "hopefully they will stumble on their lies but we will always remember the truth"- keep that faith xx

[J&PVTHW]

Good Morning Everyone,

I'm 'glad' that my feelings and thoughts are normal in this process, it is a great comfort to me that i am not alone in my fight for my son and there are people there who are or have gone through the same process as myself. People who are aware of my situation (if a handful of close family and friends) cannot and will not understand the dispair i feel most days. I have been told to pull myself together by 1 family member 1 or 2 cannot understand why i am so distraut when he is yet to be charged ! All are very difficult to deal with so i have resorted to distancing myself from most people as i dont want to loose my temper with them when they dont understand.

Denise, my son has been removed from his family home, he is no longer allowed to live here as our daughter lives here also. (my daughter is his proper sister and has lived with him all his life). We were faced with this when my son was about to be released from the police station. Infact we were told that my son was not being released unless he was found a different address from where my daughter was. We managed to scramble together somewhere else for him to go yet at the time he was still only 17 years old. As if being questioned and arrested for something he hasnt done isnt enough he is not banished from being in his family home.

We've been trying to keep things as normal as possible for him, he still works every day has tea with us then i take him to where he is staying every evening. We have had many dark days where i have found messages on his phone talking of suicide and have found him in places where he could harm himself. My husband and i are doing our best to keep him shelded from what could be infront of us and he has such a carefree attitude the majority of the time. I thing i am doing the worrying sometimes for everyone.

Izzy it is amazing what you resort to doing when you have to try and dig as much informaiton as possible to help your case. Your case has been going since Dec 2010 wow !! I'm only 3 months in and already falling apart what an insperation you are !!!

Fighter, thank you for putting things into prospectes for me i thought i was going nuts.

[Faith]

I sincerely hope it does come out in the wash.
But this is a wound that will never truly heal and it may take your son some time to fully appreciate that. it's all a very normal reaction.

We, as 'normal' people, are brought up to believe in the law and believe if we are innocent then we have nothing to fear. It is not a bad way to be brought up but it leaves us unprepared for crisises like these.

Its a delicate issue. You want your son to take this seriously but you also want him to remain calm. I think you are handling it just fine, under some very difficult circumstances.

All the emotions you feel are extremely normal. It is a rollercoaster...some days there will be hope, others hopelessness, then there is fear, anger, paranoia, depression...it's a horrible mix. Have you spoken to your GP. Counselling can sometimes help and is available to anybody going through this.

I am glad that your legal team have made things clear about the police. They are nice for a reason...

[Denise]

I was the same, it's not the kind of subject you can easily talk to others about
Everyone (and I know it was everyone) got sick to the back teeth of me talking about it, they reckoned I was obsessed with it, you cannot and will not get anyone to truly understand it unless it is someone they truly love and believe in

For a mother it's different still, we chose to have our children and along with that comes the natural instincts to protect them, chastise them and guide them

When something like this happens it throws us, this wasn't in our plans for raising our kids, it's devastating and nothing anyone says to try to comfort you will fully help

That's when you feel even more desperate, when you feel like you're suffering it alone

At night everyone who thinks they understand just close their door and fall asleep apart from the people on here like us who lay awake until all hours with it racing around your head

Xx

[J&PVTHW]

Is there anything that i can do to try and overturn the decision by the police to banish my son from his family home because his sister who he has lived with all his life lives there?
Bearing in mind the police are not interested at all in speaking to my daughter and the social services are not interested in doing a report.

My son's bail conditions clearly state that he cannot have contact with anybody unsupervised under the age of 16.

I find this whole situation astonishing !!!

[Denise]

That was my sons bail conditions too

He couldn't be with my granddaughter or grandson or any other child under 16 unsupervised, one decision later and he can

It's crazy xx

[J&PVTHW]

I'm meeting with my solicitor this afternoon, this is the first time we would have met what sort of questions do i need to be asking him?

Do i need to show or tell him the evidence i have collected?

I have compiled a list of questions to ask re legal aid and how the wheels turn in these circumstances and want to make sure i am asking the right ones.

I didnt have a very good day yesterday, i spent most of the day reading anything that would give me knowledge in our case which left me drained and teary by the evening. I live in hope that my son's situation is over soon but cannot see how our lives will ever be the same again.