My partner has been alleged of sexual abuse towards his son now SS are opening a case on my children.

[CARIAD]

I have just had a file opened on my two children by social services and I am absolutely mortified and devastated. A referral came from another social services team that my partners son has alleged that he has been abusing him. His son is 12 and he has ADHD, epilepsy and learning difficulties and has a mental age of around 7-8. SS told me that the police has investigated and that his son has not disclosed any information to them and they have closed the case. SS say that just because it hasn't been proven he hasn't done it doesn't mean he hasn't done it. Now my partner has left the house to avoid unnecessary stress on me and the kids. An IA is being undertaken on my kids and they will be interviewing my seven yr old daughter without me being present. My partner has already been in touch with his solicitor and they are applying for a find a fact hearing. My partner has not seen his children for 3 yrs before this and the allegation came in a week last tuesday. His son is already under social services on the at risk register because of his mothers inability to parent. Is she poisening his mind as she is jelous of our relationship?. I do not know what to do. My children are my main priority and I will do what ever I need to do to protect them. However it seams I need to protect them from social services getting their hands on them rather than protect them from my partner that has not done anything wrong. Please can I have advise on what is the best way to sort out this situation.

[Browneyedgirl]

Hi Cariad
Welcome to the forum. I am sorry you find yourself here, but you are in the right place for support.

You must be going through a mass of emotions at the moment, ranging from desperation to anger, particularly as this allegation has resulted in your partner leaving in order to protect you and your children from unnecessary stress. That must have been an incredibly difficult decision for him to make, but it does show how much he cares for you and your children.

What you have described is what SS call a Section 47 review. They will be required to interview your children as they live with your partner. They will be doing this in order to ensure your children feel safe and are not in any danger from your partner. Have SS said when they are interviewing your children and where? Usually this would have been done alongside the police investigation. In our case, my son was interviewed (SS and Police had gone to his school!) before we were even aware of the allegations. You mentioned your daughter is 7 so be prepared for lots of questions from her. In our case, neither SS or the Police explained to my son why he was being interviewed. SS actually confirmed to me afterwards that they didn’t have any concerns and have closed their case. We are still waiting for a decision from CPS whether my OH will face any charges relating to the allegations though. Do not be tempted to discuss this with your daughter or your other child prior to SS interviewing them as SS may infer that your have coached them in what to say. Another reason I am surprised they haven’t interviewed them when the allegation was made.

Is your partner trying for access to see his son? You will no doubt have read many posts on here where ex partners will do anything, so poisoning the lad’s mind wouldn’t be unheard of. Do you know who made the allegation – was it his mother? Was your partner interviewed?

I know you will be feeling like your whole world has been turned upside down, particularly with this now affecting your children. Try to be strong and keep coming back for support. xx

[CARIAD]

Thanks Browneyedgirl for your advice.
SS came out on friday when my daughter was in school. She saw my 2 yr old son and asked me lots of questions about our family life and the kids in general. She said that she will come and interview my daughter on Wednesday after school at my house in my daughters bedroom. No mention of the police. My partner has had no contact from the police at all SS explained this is because his son has not disclosed the information to the police. He has called social services to try and find out what is going on but they are not providing with information. We were due to go to court on 1st april to get access to his kids.
I am so confused my emotions are all over the place. Cannot stop crying most of the time. This is destroying my family and I want to know how ss can do this to us when there is no police case.

[Browneyedgirl]

It is awful Cariad I know. As much as I do not have any faith in SS, they do have a duty to ensure your children are safe. Thankfully the Social Worker that came to us seemed to be ‘normal’ and could see what a load of bo**ocks the allegations were. We have the opposite though – SS aren’t interested, but police have still had to go to CPS. SS will still need to satisfy themselves regardless of the police deciding not to take the matter further. Did you have any concerns about the one that visited you on Friday? Is it the same one coming on Wednesday?

As you might have picked up in other threads, it would still be prudent to make some notes of dates, names, meetings (such as these with SS) etc since this ordeal began. If your partner is able to add anything regarding incidents in the past concerning his ex, that would also be useful. You mentioned he is already using a solicitor so again, make sure any information is passed to them. It does sounds like an attempt by her to add weight in her favour at court. I do not want to frighten you by any means Cariad, but you will see on other threads the lengths women like her will go to so document everything. You can never be too careful.

Are you able to talk to/see your partner since he has moved out? Try to be strong for each other. You need each other now more than ever. xx

[Faith]

Welcome to the forum and so sorry for what you are going through.
Your partner has been NFA'd by police and unfortunately this carries a stigma that states that just because there is insufficient evidence that it happened, it doesn't mean that it didn't.
It is a very unjust system but Social Services are required to investigate for the welfare of the children.

I can't offer any further advice as Browneyedgirl has given some very useful input

Take Care and, as Browneyedgirl says, please keep returning for support. It's a very difficult ordeal but it is normal that the SS have stepped in. Not a huge comfort, I know.

[CARIAD]

thanks for both of your advice it is really appreciated.
On Wednesday when they come to speak to my daughter I am sure they will see how will looked after she is and how much of an active happy child she is. The social worker said the case may close after this IA period depending on what the professionals from school and health visitors say and what my daughter says. I am just afraid that my partner will always have this attached to him and that unless i say we will never get back together again I will always have ss on my back. Do you know if social services have the power to do that? Can they stop him from returning to our home.

[LS]

They have the power to stop him returning to your home, by saying to you that if you allow him to move in then you are not putting your children first, and therefore can threaten to remove the children from you.

At the very least expect them to insist you attend a Lucy Faithfull course and may well put the children on the At Risk Register.

They did that to me before I was even convicted - the allegation was sufficient - and made me even having any contact with my partner so undesirable to her that we went our separate ways romantically long before the court case.
But that was SS's intention all along.

The worst thing is if you insist on having him in your life, and keeping your kids, expect a very bumpy ride with the SS. They don't want any SO having contact with children, and will do whatever they can to see that that doesn't happen.

[CARIAD]

Thanks LS,
The enormity of the situation has just hit me. I would never ever put my kids in harms way. Yet my partner has done nothing wrong. Surely the ss will see that the children are thriving and I thought they have to take the childrens views into account. I haven't mentioned anything to the kids about the situation other than my partner has gone away for a bit. They keep on asking when he will be back and they miss him. I know they are doing their jobs but they fail to protect the children that need protection and tear apart decent families.
I want to be there for my partner and tell him it will be ok and it will get sorted but following most of the posts on here I can now see that never happening. I don't think I am strong enough for this.

[Browneyedgirl]

Don’t neglect yourself in all this Cariad. It is easy to get caught up in giving the support, being strong and putting on a brave face, but you are only human and it is ok to have a good cry about what you are going through. It is important to recognise that everyone’s experiences are going to vary from case to case. Members who respond just want you to be aware of any implications and help you to prepare for the worst should it happen. This may not happen, but we wouldn’t be being honest with you if we didn’t tell you these things.

[CARIAD]

Thanks Browneyedgirl again,
I do appreciate all the advice by all members. I'm probably just not in the right frame of mind at this present moment. It has happened all so fast and out of the blue. I'm so confused how this can happen and the system just seams so unjust as it has been for the majority of the people that find themselves here. I am scared that my partner is not coping well and that in order to keep my children I will have to completely end our relationship. I don't know if he could handle that but I don't think I can fight for both him and the children. As I have said my children are everything and they will have to come first xxx

[LS]

The system is very unjust, and the tenet they go by is "it's the children who come first" and if splitting up families is collateral damage then so be it. The children are guaranteed "safe" as a result. The fact they were perfectly safe in the first place is irrelevant to them.

It's a dirty war, but as they can't do anything to Him, it's usually Her who gets the brunt of the blackmail and dirty tricks in order to get the woman to put a stop to the relationship.
They get away with this because there are very very few women in the world who would put the man in front of the kids, which is only right.

To any man with this around their neck I would say Don't even think of getting involved with anyone with kids, and if you are already, then expect it to end, or be ended for you.

[fighter]

Hugs Cariad, it is normal to feel like this when you first come into the forum and you are now suddenly exposed to the seriousness of what you are facing. It is confusing, scary and other emotions we cannot even put a label too. Sending you strength and courage. I hope your partner will understand if you put the children's best interest. However, maybe reading through the threads you will find some family who struggled through the same situation and has a positive outcome.

LS, about avoiding relationship with kids; same thing my partner would say!

[Faith]

For many reasons, it's best for men to avoid relationships with existing kids...dangerous ball park, even for men without this around their necks.
Nothing more dangerous than an emotional teenage girl who doesn't want you there...

That's off topic though. How are you bearing up CARIAD?