My Story - Whats the moral and what are your thoughts.

[largactyl1]

Just had a refresher look at the COPINE scale which is often used to decipher level of indecency and exploitation. The pictures as you describe them rate at a 6 out of 10. Genitals are exposed and deliberately posed.

[Faith]

The woman may have an argument in that they were part of a chain letter and she merely passed it out. Not sure if this would class as 'distribution' or not.
You may be able to advise on this for the poster?

As immoral as it sounds, it may be more hassle than it's worth reporting his ex for this as it may be unlikely to go anywhere on that basis.

An alternative may be to anonymously report the chain letter itself...then it may be trackable to whoever 'made' it.

[largactyl1]

If she passed these photo's on, then it is distributing pictures of a sexually exploited child. The correct thing to do when receiving such pictures is to contact the police, otherwise a person is colluding and encouraging the crime.

It sincerely is not a small matter, if all people reported such images, then there would be no market for them and no child would be exploited - in a perfect world that is. I think the decider would be, how would you feel if your child were posed in such a way. How would you react to seeing your own child? If you would be upset, then report it.

Kind regards
Jen

[Faith]

You're quite right Jen, I do agree with you.

What my line of thought was, would it be easier for the poster to report the actual image and chain letter itself. It can be done anonymously and then the police can track those who have distributed it themselves
That way the woman won't know who has reported it and she can't then do something bitter and nasty in retaliation.

I'm thinking along the lines of damage limitation.

[largactyl1]

Hi Faith, yes the damage limitation thing is probably a good characteristic - I tend to go for the wrecking ball approach on matters such as this as I get v. angry about it as have worked with many sexually exploited kids. Once you have heard an 8 year old describe what has been done to them, really you are changed forever.

Good wishes
Jen

[Faith]

Yes absolutely...and I am completely with you on that. I work in a job where I get horrible disclosures from kids too...probably not as closely as you do but it does affect you.

That's why being accused of something like this is all the more horrific because it's the kind of thing that disgusts you in the first place.

It should not go unreported. But in the poster's case, perhaps an anonymous report would be the best angle.

There is no doubt that these pictures are severe and it's disgusting that a woman in her profession is callous enough to feed the horrible machine that is child abuse. She should not be working with vulnerable people.

[floyd honeybuns]

Thanks for the advice. I would be mortified if i saw pictures of my children posed that way. My family/child contact solicitor said the photos were not severe enough to interest the cps and she was just really forwarding a round robin email. As I said most of the pictures were cute pictures of kids throwing water over their parents. But the 3 I mention I found really distasteful. My ex always used to send chain emails around and I never bothered to open them until 3 years after we split up and I had been arrested because she accused me of raping her.

I think the woman has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder. Possibly munchausens. But I will spare the amateur psych.

Will the CPS take this seriously? What about the perjury/lying to the police?

It makes me sick that some women feel free to tell lies in court, to the police, act like they are above the law and can screw other people over at will with no consequences.

I am also worried that she will harm my children. I don't think she is a fit mother. She regards the children has her property. And that she can do anything to justify keeping them as her property no matter what the collateral damage. I am worried that if there is any possibility they will be taken away from her she could do something stupid.

I mean, when I merely filed proceedings for shared residency and contact she accused me of rape, assault, child abuse, assaulting people in the street. All manner of crazy stuff. And that was just trying to formalise contact with our chiuldren. If she is arrested for distributing indecent images of kids and her children and career are jeapoerdised what will she do next. I don't want to read about a depressed woman jumping from a cliff with her two children.

[floyd honeybuns]

Casehardened

My motives are a bit more complex than revenge. If I am totally honest with myself even before she accused me of these terrible things, but after we split up and she was making child contact difficult I thought how lovely it would be if she had a taste of her own medicine. But I always had enough self control not to do anything. I didn't even respond to mud slinging with mud slinging in return. I just dismissed it as the banal activity that follows a relationship breakdown.

My priorities are;
1. Protecting my children.
2. Maintaining a meaningfull relationship with my children.
3. Maintaining my freedom and protecting myself against my psychotic and dishonest ex.
4. working to a position where I have full residency of the children.
5. Getting on with life generally.

[floyd honeybuns]

and sorry to spew ideas. But the police officer who investigated pissed me off quite a lot. She seemed quite low calibre. On my first bail date she told me she was re bailing me because my ex had not turned up for a police medical examination. Then afterwards she told me she was forbidden to provide any detail on why i was being re bailed. On arrest she told me that she did not want to stop me seeing my children and neither did my ex. Really odd comments.

My thinking is that I have nothing to lose by instructing a firm of no win no fee ambulance chasers (there are plenty offering advice and services relating to malicious prosecution online) to see how far the get. At the very least I may persue a complaint with the police complaints commission.

[lawlessone2009]

Not a lot I can really add that's not been spoken about.

It's a very interesting case.

Was there a female and male officer carrying out the investigation? Good guy/bad guy setup? Was anything she said 'on the record' as in during interview?

If you have evidence 'on the record' involving the Police then it could be used. It would depend what it is of course and what could be taken to be implied from it.

I fear you may simply prolong your pain if you continue without actual evidence. I understand the feelings you must be experiencing and the lack of justice that you have received. I can see why you are considering counter charging of type but you will be coming up against the might of the state. I wouldn't hold my breath in the hope of you succeeding.

The IPCC is virtually useless, you will realise that quickly. Police Officers investigating Police Officers is not really the definition of INDEPENDENT in any sense of the word. I've attempted this before and they do entertain you to an extent (wee sit down and formal chat making sure their colleagues can't be nailed) but ultimately you will slam against the same brick wall you are against just now, nothing will happen and it's a waste of energy.

You could take an active interest in 'changing' things but there are literally hunderds if not thousands of people all over the country undertaking this fight (in more areas than simply rape) and no sooner do they succeed at something than the government go and move the goal posts. Another demoralising battle...

You could ultimately ruin your own career pursuing the wrongs that have been committed against you. I would instead let it lie, move on with life and be happy with your wife/circumstances/access to kids.

I would never allow yourself to be alone with your ex-partner EVER regardless of circumstances. I would not enter her house unless the kids are directly in sight of you and at no point would I be left alone with your ex-partner, I would probably simply never enter the house (if you do at present). I would collect the kids at the door and drop them back at the door. If your ex-partner has anything to say then simply tell her you don't trust her in any manner and don't want to be near her other than is absolutely necessary.

With regards the email. Don't "forward" it. I would possibly contact the relevant agency (not sure of the top of my head as I've never been in that position) within government and pass on the details. Be this a polite telephone conversation where you raise your concerns and get confirmation that YOU won't be prosecuted in any way for supplying the info and then do what they instruct.

You never know, your ex may have 'other' stuff hidden away that you don't know about! You'll not be able to find it but experts could. This may strengthen any case you wish to bring forward for sole custody of your kids.

[Casehardened]

Hi again,

I've read through your op again, a bit more thoroughly this time, and I agree that you are trying to do the best for your children in any actions that you undertake.

I believe that the police were more interested in improving their detection rate states when investigating and presenting evidence to the CPS.

Yes indeed, someone commented the other day on here that justice is not best served when it is target driven.


What really angers me is that the police and CPS could not have had any more evidence in Janualy 2012 when the case was discontinued than they had in April 2011. They simply wasn’t any.

I suspect this is why you were eventually charged. The CPS hoped that this would encourage any other possible 'victims' out of the woodwork and make it easier to pin something on you.

[lawlessone2009]

As 'Casehardened' has mentioned, it's not unlikely for the prosecutors to let it lie open for a while in the hope that others come forward. This can be especially useful if you live in a small area and don't travel too regularly.

It also gives them time to do historical rape searches etc with your DNA as the principal indicator. There are masses of things that go on in the background to enable the cops/prosecutors to decide on what is to happen and not all these run fluently from department to department and worker to worker.

If they aren't going to take any further action, as in NFA, then unless you're accused of roughly the same crime again then it really does mean that there will be no further action. If the same person accuses you again then I would imagine that they will carry out a thorough examination of all information to date. The cops love 'patterns' and 'repeat offenders', nice easy pickings. They also love repeat accusers as eventually they slip up enough to warrant a prosecution of their own.

One other problem that may exist in the future is that your ex-partner may find herself in a situation where she is genuinely a victim. If she builds up a regular profile as an accuser then she may ultimately allow a genuine rapist to escape justice through her own short sighted and malicious conduct in the present.

[floyd honeybuns]

On sunday my children wife and I got stuck in Bath, it was the Bath half marathon and the roads were closed until 3.30. My children were due to be returned at 4pm to their mother in wales. The return time was reduced from 6pm to 4 pm by the adistrict judge in one of those trade offs they do. They reinstated overnight contact with my daughter but reduced the return time to 4pm for my daughter and son to 4pm on a sunday (because my ex said they came back knackered etc).

Anyway, not deliberately, I got them back for just after 6pm. Its a 2 hour drive to their mothers house and they are rarely late back. Their mother refuses to help with the travel at all. Won't even drive to a service area.

When my wife and I arrived outside my ex's house she stormed out the door and charged at me. I thought she was going to hit me (I often took the occaisional punch, kick or slap during the relationship) so I truned my back on her and blocked her with the car door. She started shouting ,in front of the children, 'what the hell sort of time do you call this, I have called your mum and the police, you can forget about easter (contact with the children) now, it just aint happening, i don't care what the court order says... you can take me to court again if you want...'

My son, the eldest was very upset by the threat of no easter contact.

My wife tried to explain what had happened but she was dismissive. My ex stood over me as I emptied the car of their belongings.

This is a woman who is meant to be intimidated by me and frightended by me and has accused me of abusing and raping her.

When I returned home I found my 78 year old mother in tears. My ex had been harrassing her. This time she told my mum we were missing and that 'she didn't know half of how evil I was' (my mum was in full knowledge of the rape allegations and the detail).

on two seperate occaisions before my ex had called my mum to tell her my son had meningitis. Both times it turns out there was nothing wrong at all.

I am so so tempted to go to the police. This last incident was an assault. By my eife and I felt she might be violent.

I don't intend to piss off the family courts by receiting the details in any pleadings or in court but I really feel her behaviour is continuing to escalate and she should be accountable to the law.

I have called my solicitor regarding easter contact and whether she made an empty threat in a fit of temper or whether I do have to take her back to court. He will contact me when he has an answer.

I am not trying to mud sling in the family courts I just want it on record with the police somewhere that she is the violent intimidating one. In case I ever have to defend myself against false accusations and potentially face a long jail stretch again.

What are your thought please. I am very torn about what is best. I am grateful for your input.

I also can't help feeling that if roles were reversed and this was my ex posting on netmums about my behaviour there would be dozens of women advising her to go to the police.

[Denise]

Well I'm female and I'll advise you to report it
She doesn't sound that scared of you
Pity you didn't video it on a phone or record it
Any violence is wrong it doesn't matter if it's a man or woman

Apart from feeling sorry for you I feel sorry for the kids
Something similar happened to me and my then 8 yr old son saw his father rip my mobile out my hand and it fall to pieces and telling me he will make sure I never see him again because I too got stuck in traffic
Some people just don't deserve to be parents xx