Son accused. Help please

[numbtothecore]

I am horrified, lost, helpless and so, so angry! My, silly, gorgeous, kind, caring, funny, intelligent son is 20, works for the NHS, is about to start a college course.... well that was all before the events of Boxing day/night, when he ended up at a 34 yr old womans house with his 2 friends and her friend. I won't go into detail.. yet, but suffice to say she initiated sex with my son, who freely and rather uncomfortably for me, admitted he was too drunk and tired, (he'd worked a 16 hour shift on Christmas day/Boxing day) to maintain an erection, she was on top and so rolled off, and they fell asleep cuddling.

His mate came into the room, complaining about the other friends snoring, when, she started shouting and accusing my son of being a pervert. She attacked them both, hitting my sons nose in the process, causing it to bleed, and threw them out of the house. The snoring friend woke up and was still inside the house, when the Police arrived.

My son was put in a car and after an hour taken to the station where eventually he was charged with rape. Next day i got a call to say he was in custody and i would be informed later what was happening. a few hours later I got a call asking me to bring clothes as he was going to court next day as he had been charged, obviously I didn't know what the charge was. He was released from the cells in court the next day.

Because he is an NHS employee the Police informed the hospital and he is now on the "Inactive" List, the course he is being interviewed for requires a PVG check so he will not be accepted onto that, as the offence is "notifiable" He is basically guilty until proven innocent. This could ruin his entire future. I don't know what to do, He is depressed, turned night into day, can't work, so has no income.

He is the nicest kid you could meet, He made a silly error of judgement, and now he's to be punished for the forseeable? I am so scared this will cripple him. I thought it was so obviously a load of nonsense that the PF would have binned it by now, but now I hear it can take up to a year before they take action!

Please can anyone give me some advice, this is a snapshot of events, but I promise you this, i work with vulnerable people, PVg all my staff and volunteers, and if I thought for a second he had harmed anyone, I would hand him in myself without a backward glance. Can we speed this up? Who do I talk to for advice? Plenty of advice out there for victims, rightly so, but not a whole lot for falsely accused... what do I do to help my Son? PS first attempt at a post, I hope I've put it the right place!

[lawlessone2009]

You sound just like my mum...

You also sound extremely meticulous in your approach and from the little details you've provided you have provided more than enough to build up a detailed picture that can start producing answers.

Did this by any chance happen in Scotland?

From my own experience the arrest, charge, detention and court appearance sound exactly the same as what happened to me. I unfortunately didn't get clean clothes for an appearance in court... LoL...

Was he actually released from court on court bail or was he released prior to appearing in court on Police bail (an undertaking) with instructions to appear at court on 'x' date?

Do you have a solicitor on board? If you're in Scotland then I could maybe be of some assistance and can definitely be of assistance with recommending an Advocate (you'll need one if it's going to High Court).

"To 'maintain' an erection"

Does this mean that sex was initiated as in 'took place' but was not completed? Sorry to be up front about it but from a DNA perspective it is important.

I am assuming that it is a case of contested 'consent' which if sex did happen becomes a little more difficult to argue but by no means impossible.

It appears that your boy has been setup, for whatever reason. Have his friends been questioned by Police?

As for the PVG checks etc. These are becoming a pain in the ass for innocent people accused of crimes. On one hand I can understand the reasons for the process to exist but at the same time I believe it's went too far. People are being needlessly punished and branded guilty without having committed a crime. If the present course continues then the NHS (which makes me think SCOTLAND ) and similar organisations/services will find themselves even shorter staffed as people will not be willing to risk devoting their lives to a career that can be ended on the whim of a woman/man who decides to make an allegation. I'm lucky as I pursued engineering but even still I find it scary the number of jobs that are seeking disclosure these days...

You're boy is simply going to have to bite his lip at the moment. I understand the turning day into night... Playing computer games til silly o'clock in morning simply to exhaust his mind so that he can go to sleep, even if he doesn't realise it! This will be having a terrible affect on him and will be with him for the rest of his life. I feel sorry that it has happened at such a young age as it could very well affect relationships in the future. An innocent drunken night out celebrating resulting in a torrential downpour of hurt/pain/confussion/stress/anger and ultimately loss of that innocent view of life that the young have.

When you and him come out the other end of this you will no doubt, hopefully, notice a strong and determined young man ready to take life on again. Keep an eye on his mental health, the changes could be subtle over time or they could be crystal clear just now but they need to be monitored. Decide when to act if you are at all concerned and don't take no for an answer! I would personally allow him the freedom at the moment to stay up late and sleep during the day etc as long as this is one of the only changes taking place. Keep moaning at him of course but don't make to big a deal as the last thing you want is for him to start resenting you. A little freedom just now will pay dividends later on when he realises WHY he was granted his 'ME' time.

If you're feeling under the weather then seek out help yourself. I can only imagine the stress and strain my parents have been through, my mother particularly, and the doctors seems to be just about the only answer...... If you're lucky enough to have a busy life then you may have long periods of being able to take your mind of it.

As for information for the accused. I've moaned about this on here too. People, in general, are too quick to assume things are fair and just until they find themselves in a situation like this. It appears at the moment that there really isn't much help at all for the accused. No leaflets or advice centres. It's a sad fact of life that the 'state' leaves those in situations like this to fend for themselves whilst investing it's strength and resources into the apparent 'victims'. How we ever go about changing this is anyones guess... Maybe Mr Alex Salmond will include it in his ideas for our futures.

[lawlessone2009]

Please ignore my NHS = Scotland piece.

It was a joke from another forum and I've confusingly put it in here...

I'm still assuming Scotland, you of course could clarify.

[Faith]

I agree with lawlessone, it does sound like a very quick charge for the English process

Lawlessone has covered all bases, so I would just like to add my support and will wait for you to clarify the further details requested.

Take care, this is just as difficult for you as it is your son. For it to happen at a young age is a crushing and scary thing. My allegation supposedly occurred when I was 18 and I am just starting in teaching which is now a future at risk, so I understand some of what your son must be feeling.

For me, I felt like a child again...although I would guess that that could be the same for a man of any age going through this agony

[Izzy]

Hi Numbtothecore,
I'm in pretty much the same situation as you, so can really sympathise

As Lawlessone said it does sound like Scotland and he has covered everything, (his last paragraph certainly strikes a chord for me!).

Has your Son seen a solicitor yet?

[numbtothecore]

Thank you

Hi

Thank you all for your replies. Yes we are in Scotland, Stirling area. He had to have clean clothes brought in because his were kept for evidence, although I didn't know this til the next day. They kept his phone and wallet too. So all his I.D, bank cards, money are in a poly bag, along with his phone. So we have had to get him another phone, and cancel the cards etc, his work I.D was in there too, not such a problem now as he CAN'T work. Its not that we mind doing it I just can't see why a wallet would be needed as evidence!? The phone maybe in case there were messages on it, but they had only just met!

He was released from the cells in the court on police bail with the instruction to appear at a later date. We haven't spoken to a solicitor yet. I was so sure it would have been chucked out by now! I'm so naive.. apparently. Yes the sex was started but no, not completed. I can't believe that this can go on for up to a year. Its a mess.

Any advice, solicitors etc would be most appreciated. This has been so helpful already, just having people understand what we are going through. Thank you so much.

[Faith]

You've done the right thing by posting that thread for solicitors. That is the first step.
Your son has gone through a very frightening ordeal, be prepared for his emotions to be all over the place

[lawlessone2009]

I replied to the other thread. Not sure what use I've been though...

Clothes as evidence, makes sense. You will most likely not get them back unfortunately so if possible write down on paper what each item cost and keep this for later on so that you can put in a claim for reimbursement. It IS possible regardless what solicitors or the likes say.

Keeping the phone is general practice but I do not really understand why they would want the wallet. Could simply be that they are being thorough in their evidence gathering OR they feel the case is weak and so are taking everything in the hope of adding strength.

I endured the same with regards the cells. It has got to be the dirtiest of mind games they can play. You're held in court awaiting an appearance, at the lowest of the low of mindsets and then they come and lead you out but instead of into court they hand you back to the investigating officers who say nothing. You think you're going for further questioning or that they've found some evidence and then they eventually inform you that you've to be released on Police bail after of course the big long pause. You feel elated and desperate just to get out!

When you go back to court do not be shocked or surprised if it's a private appearance before a sheriff for court bail conditions to be set. If he has been released on Police bail and behaves then he will be granted court bail without too much issue. There might be an added restriction or the likes but it should happen.

This is normal and does not mean there will be a trial!

The prosecution have a long time yet to prepare a case or decide not to continue. They will work away in the background receiving their monthly salary and pushing the paper around whilst you and your boy are left nervous wrecks. The peaks and troughs will continue for months until eventually someone somewhere decides what's to happen.

Contested consent between a 34 year old woman and a 20 year old man. I can't believe it. For whatever reason the allegation exists though. Has your boys friends indicated a willingness to corroborate his version of events or give statements of any type?

[numbtothecore]

Thanks

You've been a great help lawlessone. Thank you. Its ridiculous this system. Have you tried contacting the PF? we've phoned a few times, because apparently they do not have to inform you if the case is being dropped! My next move is to write, not sure if it'll help but I'm going to try anyway.

Thank you all for the support I feel a lot better now. Still scared for him, but at least I can blow off some steam. Our family is brilliant they are all supporting him.

The 2 boys who were with him at the "party" have both given statements, the key one being the one who walked into the room to complain about the snoring! He has told the police that he thought they looked comfortable with each other, and it turns out, she had tried it on with him first. My son didn't know this obviously, until he spoke to his mate the next day.

Anyway, thanks for all the advice and info, good luck xx

[Izzy]

The solicitor who we saw wrote to the PF, he got what seemed a standard letter back that these things take time, forensics etc and to contact them in four months if we hadn't heard back. To be honest it depressed us a bit that this is going to be pending on his record but we've dealt with it now.
We are currently composing our own letter, don't know if it will do any good but it's better than nothing.

Izzy x

[numbtothecore]

letter

Thanks Izzy

Good luck.

[lawlessone2009]

I don't believe the PF will give any clear indications of their intentions until they decide to either proceed or not. I've not contacted them in any manner and don't really intend too.

The 'victim' may be aware of the £11k that's on offer for the accusation. This split me in two when I realised that one of the accusers close friends/relatives has already been involved in a sexual abuse type case so KNOWS that there is money on the table.

It could be worth your son signing up for an ILA account and using the money to pay for a short course at college, maybe indulge in a hobby or something. Courses are plentyful and start pretty regularly rather than the September to June full-time ones...

www.ilascotland.org.uk or 0808 100 1090

If even just to get out the house and take his mind of things...

The system will only get worse before it gets better unfortunately. The citizens of this country have taken their eyes of the ball for too long now and the politicians and their financial backers have cashed in. It'd be hard to walk down the street without breaking the law these days.

Good that his mates have given statements. Lets hope someone somewhere sees it all for what it is and the matter is dropped as quickly as possible.

I'll stop ranting for the moment...

[fozzyb]

Any information greatly appreciated

Hi, This is my first time using this website but reading what you wrote I can really relate to, however it is myself who has been accused by my ex wife, I don't want to go into great detail but on may 2011 my ex wife made an accusation to the police about myself sexually assaulting my son (we have two boys) since this has happened I was interviewed horrifically by the police, I spent the full weekend in the cells (for my 1st time) as it was on a Friday, I attend college (Nursing) and from this I will not be attending university as planned and I can not work in the care field due to this being on my PVG. I am attending court next month to try to get access to my kids as I have not seen them since May 2011. I have had no support at all from Police, Social Work or any apparent Care Providers, it seems that they made up their minds from the start.

I was hoping that someone on this site can give me advice as to what to expect at court and is there a time limit the Police can "investigate" this matter? I was charged on the Friday, but released on the Monday with no charge or bail or anything like that. I want to see my children again greatly and I also want to clear my name.
P.S. I also live in Scotland.

[Faith]

Hi fozzyb.

You seem to have gone on to open your own new thread which is the best thing.
People will reply to you there to avoid taking this thread from numbtothecore.