How do I move on?

[Raptorace]

Hey guys, i havent posted for a while.
For those who dont know i was accused over a year ago, NFA'd 6 months ago. It was the usual case of drunk then her regretting it and hiding it from her partner with a rape cry! Overwhelming evidence in my favour so NFA. But...
I cant move on, i still havent got a job after losing my career through this and i still feel massive anger toward this person as my life remains a shaddow of what it was through no fault of my own.
Can anyone tell me how they have moved on? What helps? Im on anti depressents, and im not a believer in counciling, so has anyone got any other advice or expirience please?
Thanks

[LS]

I'm sort of in the same boat as you, but wrongly convicted, however the same unable to move on as you.
Also on antidepressants (tried quite a few, no real luck). Although I'm a bit more severe than you, under care of CMHT, I've tried counselling (didn't find it helpful) but psychiatrist has recommended psychotherapy.

Not sure if it's suitable for you, as I haven't had it yet, but could be another avenue to try?

Sadly the anger, bitterness and despair for me haven't subsided six years on. It may as well have happened yesterday.

[Denise]

I really feel for both of you

I pray my son gets an NFA anyday soon, but I'm so worried what will happen to him even if he does , the damage is done isn't it ? A liar has accused and wrecked lives

When will the law change ? Xx

[fighter]

Rapotrrace and LS, sorry to hear about this difficulty of moving on. I wouldnt say I can imagine how you feel because I could not, but my partner could be facing LS fate by May but we have gone beyond Rapotrace's NFA of course. I guess whatever the case is, NFAed, Charged, Acquited or not guilty, it would always be hard to move on.

I was just watching the news this morning; it was about a mom who lost her son when he was young (kidnapped) you all might have seen it, and she said about something how they move on as a family.. they do it day by day and luckily they had another daughter to live for everyday. I think if you have live day to day, you are somehow moving on. Does it make sense? For example, LS, I feel you have helped so many people in the forum, can you consider it as "moving on"?

Denise, if your son is not NFAed there is still hope that he can clear his name in court. For some people they rather clear their name in court despite the risk .

Hugs to all of you..

[Denise]

You're right Fighter, and on the one hand I would like the chance to publicly humiliate them and let my son walk free, but the other part just needs this nightmare over with

'moving on' is a huge concern xx

[LS]

Thanks Fighter. I don't see helping here as moving on as such. I haven't found any way of moving on, and I'm not sure it's possible for me. My conviction was gained against a teenager, so I have the nasty P label against me and all the closed doors it brings, so possibly it's worse for me than for others.

The main thing (for me) is that every single scenario brings back what I once had, which is now closed off to me. Simple things like seeing families, or cars, or jobs, or happiness are reminders of times past, never to be repeated. It's something I can't get away from, which is why I ended up reclusive and rarely go out and spend all my time here.

Now, with others it's hopefully not that bad. You haven't got the P label, and yes you will find love, happiness, work and prosperity. I'm not making light of others, but my own situation is vastly different although the depression, despair and anger are there, and is why I don't regard being here as moving on, but trying desperately to make sure others in the same situation don't lose vital evidence (like I did) which could mean the difference between getting their lives back, or getting convicted.

It's a duty, I guess.

[Faith]

That was a very moving post LS.
I don't really know what else to say...but at least you know that nobody labels you as anything here other than a friend

[lawlessone2009]

To me you're a 'super moderator' and voice of wisdom and truth.

I know how corrupt the system is and I know how easy it is to get convicted of something you never did which is why I am ****ting myself with the current allegation against myself.

It's 'toss a coin' time for the CPS on whether to proceed as I really see no other way they are deciding what to take to court and what to forget about! You were simply unlucky enough to have the coin land the wrong way up!

As for moving on...... I've not even gotten to the point of having the opportunity to consider that and I KNOW there is no 'moving on'. It's another burden on the shoulders, another wrinkle on the forehead and yet more hatred for a corrupt justice system that is supporting the meaningless lives of so many idiots whilst ending the lives of others, all for MONEY.

[Casehardened]

'Moving on' is perhaps not the right way to approach the aftermath of an accusation; I am now thinking of it as a 'life-changing experience' which affects everyone differently.

At the best, a NFA will ensure that the accused will never allow themselves to be put in a position again where a similar accusation could be made.

If a close family member makes the accusation then this is equivalent to a bereavement as it is impossible to build bridges; furthermore the rest of the family may have taken sides leading to further estrangement.

Worst of all, as our friend LS has so movingly pointed out, is to be falsely convicted with all that entails.

Whatever happens, this sort of situation can never be left behind, it's right up there along with relationship breakdowns and bereavements.

Perhaps one of the better spin-offs is that we become a little less judgmental of others; until one has been through the mill it is easy to make the assumption that the justice system is infallible.

[fighter]

Thanks Fighter. I don't see helping here as moving on as such. I haven't found any way of moving on, and I'm not sure it's possible for me. My conviction was gained against a teenager, so I have the nasty P label against me and all the closed doors it brings, so possibly it's worse for me than for others.

thanks for this LS. If my partner is wrongly convicted, he would have the same label and you are right, moving on would be harder in your case. I still havent thought how he would deal with it or how i would deal with it. But I want to thank you for being here for us. You have helped a lot of people. I would say you are braver than most people; as you subject yourself to see this situation everyday instead of forgetting about it. Hugs!

[billykickass]

I agree. LS although none of us have any idea of the struggles you have in your life, and your not feeling of being able to move on. The time you put in here and the objective advice and support you give to people you will probably never even meet make you an inspiration to the rest of us. If there were only more people with the courage, compassion and integrity of you in this Chav ridden population we probably wouldn't even have a forum like this!

[Saffron]

LS, this makes my heart ache.
Raptorace, I hope you can find the closure you seek.

to both of you.

[Raptorace]

"The main thing (for me) is that every single scenario brings back what I once had, which is now closed off to me. Simple things like seeing families, or cars, or jobs, or happiness are reminders of times past, never to be repeated. It's something I can't get away from."


LS this is exactly my problem too!

Reading all your comments does make me feel like i have it good compared to many of you, i couldnt have delt with an actual false conviction, your very strong to have done so. And at least i have been NFA'd.... the time spend hopeing and praying for that was awful, as you will all know.

I guess theres no quick fix, just battle on i guess, but there really should be some penalty for the false accusers that would be fair, and its the unfairness of it all that also really get me down.

Thsnks to all for your support as ever.

[LS]

Thanks all for your kind words, but the inspirational people to me are Saffron, RF and RFLH - they are people who haven't been directly affected by FAs (their partners were) but still hang around this awful stigma to help others.

Raptorace, I wish there was a cure for the angst we feel when we've been wronged. I've gone through lots of scenarios in my mind, from imagining doing harm to my accuser, to trying to (unsuccessfully) put it to the back of my mind, but none of them work.

They say time's a healer, but I haven't found that. Just hope you can find peace.

[Faith]

That's the bottom line, really.
NFA, acquittal, conviction...no matter what the outcome, the injustice that it ever happened will forever remain.