Partner accused of rape

[cluelessandconfused]

I don't suppose you know if he has his own solicitor there and not the duty one? I suggest that you look into getting one that specialises in this type of accusations. If you can give a county hopefully someone can give a name for a good one.

I know he has involvement with a solicitor regarding family law at the moment, but whether that solicitor is involved with this type of situation, i'm not sure, nor am i sure whether he would have possibly requested seeing another solicitor within the same firm. I would hope that he has, though. I won't know until he is released... but then, i think i have scared myself, as apparently you can be held for upto 24 hours without charge, can be extended to 36 hours in some circumstances, another amount in others, or could be remanded in custody until appearing in court??? I was holding onto the hope that he would be back today....
x

[cluelessandconfused]

I'm rather immodestly going to plug my own sticky

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

thankyou for this link I've found it very helpful. Not sure how i'd not read it until it was pointed out to me here, as i remember seeing it too.
x

[cluelessandconfused]

cluelessandconcerned, you are both about to face the biggest test of your relationship but the good news (cold comfort just now) is that if you stick together, this could make your relationship unbelievably strong.

Prepare for your partner to be quite distressed on his return...no one can prepare themselves for the nasty experience at the police station. Even if he has had dealings with police before, it will never have been about something along these lines, I assume. He will be asked some pretty nasty questions and the police will try and come over to him in various different ways. If he has a solicitor with him then it shouldn't catch him out. They may try anything such as threatening to arrest you, implying that they have proof, assuring him that this could all be over etc etc. Don't be alarmed by this...it is all normal.

An arrest doesn't imply that they believe him to be guilty necessarily although the cold truth is that you will soon find out his innocence is irrelevant once the police get their eye on a juicy potential conviction. Whenever a complaint of a sexual nature is raised, police must follow a certain procedure which usually involves an arrest.

Like casehardened says, he should then be bailed whilst the police continue their investigation. This will involve them putting your husband's statement to the accuser if he has said much (I say that as it is fairly normal for a solicitor to advise a 'no comment' interview...don't worry if this happens. It is the police's job to gather evidence and often it is advisable to give them no ammunition that can be twisted...particularly if the case is shaky in the first place)

Once they have gathered what they want (and don't fall into the trap of handing over any evidence you find to support you...keep it safe in case a charge comes as the police are just looking for anything that might secure a conviction. If they get evidence they will only go back to the accuser and get them to change their statement so it fits in. Not always, but it is more widespread than you think so best not take that risk. The police will play the 'we are just trying to get to the truth' line but they are not to be trusted...they have targets to meet. Any evidence that you do have to hand over, ask your solicitor first and only send copies) they will then send a file to the CPS who will decide whether or not to charge. The whole process can take months.

Be prepared to feel numb and upset...there will be feelings of dread and fear but I promise it does become easier. You won't ever feel normal during the process...but it isn't always as horrific as it starts out. If either of you feel particularly low, visit your GP who can support you with counselling.

Spend time finding a decent solicitor and remembering ANYTHING than can help...but remember to take time out from it all and take your mind off of things with other activities. Come here anytime you need support.

A million more questions will come to you after you are reunited with your partner. Give him a big hug when he gets home.

Take care.

Thank you so much for your response.

First and foremost, I will be going nowhere, i'll be standing by his side every step of the way.

Have made a note for us to take screenshots of all messages between him and his ex partner, and to back up all texts sent and received too, along with photos of the texts on his phone, displaying the times and dates.

Have also written down as much as i remember - the times he has been here, times he has been out, etc, recently, hopefully something to help him when he comes to do it if he hasn't already and if it's needed?? I think I just need to keep myself busy, to be honest!

He was due to have an appt with his GP anyway, over the anx caused with the situation between the two of them over access to his son, so I'll be encouraging him to speak about this too.

Will most certainly be getting the biggest hug when he gets back, no doubt about it. I just hope it's soon.

I've just realised, as well, what day it is, and it's our first together too. We were only talking the other day about going out for a wonderful meal tonight, actually both having a good valentine's for once, rather than the **** that usually gravitates towards us both! Of course, that is not important, I'm just rambling. I think i need to go wash some pots or something, some other way to keep busy, as i'm not really helping myself at the moment and there isn't really anything I can do other than contact solicitors and find out whether they could help.


Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply, your responses, along with everyone elses, have been such a great help.

xxx

[Saffron]

Hi C&C
You have had excellent advice from other members and I can't really add to that. However I wanted to say welcome. I'm sorry you had to find us, but glad that you have.

[cluelessandconfused]

Hi C&C
You have had excellent advice from other members and I can't really add to that. However I wanted to say welcome. I'm sorry you had to find us, but glad that you have.

thank you Saffron, that's really sweet of you. I can't get over the wealth of information here, and the depth of people's responses.
x

[gem]

hi
try pj watson solicitors based in newport road broadcasting house
highly recommended .... good luck with your case it is good you have taken screenshots and other things but remember do not give them to police . show them to solicitor ........

[cluelessandconfused]

hi
try pj watson solicitors based in newport road broadcasting house
highly recommended .... good luck with your case it is good you have taken screenshots and other things but remember do not give them to police . show them to solicitor ........

thankyou, i've made a note of that.
They are going to be stored at a diff address just in case until given to solicitor, even though he doesn't live here, this is the address they picked him up from so I worry that they are going to want to go through my things too! x

[Faith]

Yes, keeping busy, especially during this time of unknown, is a very good idea.
You sound like you have been extremely productive. Put together a file and put it all in there. Like gem rightly says, don't let the police get their mucky paws on it. It's tempting to fall into the trap of thinking theyre out to help you and giving them defence will help clear your partner but they will only use your evidence to change their own 'evidence' and make the case against your partner stronger.

The ideal position to be in should that charge come, is to be fully ready, with a good legal team and all of the information you can find so you can fight this straight away. You are doing all of the right things, you are a credit to your partner and he is lucky to have you.

I totally understand what you are saying about your plans for Valentines Day. When the accusation against me was raised, me and my partner were at the end of a horrific year employment wise and I had just got a promotion and she had landed her dream job. We were so excited to finally have weekends off together...the accusation was raised before that first weekend we had together and now we are both suspended.

It's a huge kick in the teeth to be so excited for something and have it snatched away on top of all of this. So why you may think we would see your disappointment in going for that meal is trivial, I assure you it is not. it is cruel and it is unfair.

You sound like a strong person. many others would have fallen apart today (I know you probably feel like it...that is normal) That strength will help get you both through.

It is a tough time ahead but this will make you stronger as a couple...if you get through this, you get through anything. It is a week until I answer bail to see if I am charged/rebailed/NFA'd and me and my partner have reached a stage where we know that whatever happens, the accuser can never destroy our relationship. That knowledge gives us both such strength.

As for holding your partner, it isn't unheard of that they will keep him 24 hours. there could be many reasons for this...to try and 'crack' him or because legal advice isn't available or even the officer in charge's shift is over.
It's less normal for him to be kept 36 hours...police need to apply for permission to do that and need to have a reason for doing so.

The only reason your partner would be remanded until trial is if he was considered a danger to the public. I can't see that being the case, especially if he has went quietly and remained calm through it all.

Keep in touch, try not to worry too much. This is one of the hardest aspects of it all and you will feel terrible right now. You won't feel like this throughout the whole thing.

Remember that you have done all of the right things:
a) gathered evidence and saved it properly and understood not to give it to police
b) Started to look into decent legal advice
c) Found this forum

These are HUGE steps and many people make them far too late. You are hitting the ground running and your partner's chances increase because of that

[Faith]

thankyou, i've made a note of that.
They are going to be stored at a diff address just in case until given to solicitor, even though he doesn't live here, this is the address they picked him up from so I worry that they are going to want to go through my things too! x

You ARE on the ball!
That's a very good idea...there is a small chance they will search your premises though if this were going to happen, it would have been more likely they'd have done it at arrest (given the fact that they wouldn't want to grant you the opportunity to dispose of anything)
Better to be safe than sorry, you are 100% correct to do this. As today has shown you, you just never know what is round the corner.

[cluelessandconfused]

Thank you so much, Faith. Your kindness and understanding has made me cry. Been trying to fight it all day, kept telling myself it doesn't solve anything, but that's clearly not worked.

Thankyou, again. xx

[Saffron]

Don't ever think that you shouldn't cry. We all do it. I know I weep like a dramatic baby at times, and I am almost 8 years down the line! The key is knowing when you have to stop, get yourself together and get on with things.
Being "the strong one" is exhausting. Make sure you look after yourself. We will help in any way we can.
Courage and strength

[billykickass]

Hi and welcome
Looks like tou have been given great advice and are already on the ball took me a good few days to get to that stage. So i will just say hi you now have all of us behind you now so never feel like your alone even though it may feel like the whole world is against you.
Your in the best place for a **** situation.