First time posting a thread

[fighter]

scaredandangry, nice to hear you are having quiet time and things are working well for your son ( marriage proposal and jobs!!). It is good that your son said no to the marriage proposal. i also asked my partner if we should get married before his trial and he said we will after the trial :-)

[billykickass]

That sounds good fighter, in fact me and my partner are doing the same. We talked about doing it earlier but I wouldn't want this nonsense that we're going through hang over it in anyway!

[fighter]

yeah billy, it is unfair for all the couples to be rushed or feels like this should get married now because of this instead of their own time But it does shows how many couples have true love for each other that they plan to stick with each other and willing to commit their lifetime no matter what happens :-)

[Faith]

Absolutely couldn't agree more Fighter.

[fighter]

I guess if the false accuser's aim is to separate a couple then they lose in their goal because true love against this situation just makes the couple stronger and love each other more :-)

[Rights Fighter]

For the couple to stay together though each person needs to give the other space at times and also for the accused to remember that the partner also needs support from others who are in her situation - or have been in her situation.

Neither can fight this on their own and you need to present a united front. To do this you need to garner as much support that either of you can. What support the accused might need is likely to be different from the partner.

Understand each others needs and respect each other's privacy or search for assistance too.

The couple that are united in this battle are more likely to stay together. Those that argue during the course of this battle are likely to eventually part.

Some people have nobody to fight their corners - if anybody is fortunate to have a partner treat them like gold dust. It is so important to respect each other's view.

[Faith]

Wonderful post, and one that I can 100% agree with having come through an ordeal of sorts myself with the amazing and unwavering support of a fantastic lady.

My fiancee stood by me through thick and thin. I broke down, I snapped, I shut her out, I smothered her (not literally, you understand ), I pushed her away...I went through all of the motions of a helpless man.
And she stood by me. I knew at the time but know even moreso now that I would not have come out of the other side if it weren't for her.

She put up with the moods and she made it clear that she would always be there for me. What I had to remember (and it isn't always easy) is that she was suffering too. When someone you love is under attack, it affects you just as much, to the point where you would rather it was you under fire. That is love. And there is no substitute for a love like that.

The mindset I got myself into after a lot of soul searching was that if there is someone who loves me that much then nothing could destroy me. You could take whatever you wanted from me and she would still be there. That was enough to keep me fighting and my god, how strong we are as a couple now.

We are engaged and looking forward to our future together. Once you come through an ordeal like this, it opens your eyes to what is important in life. You appreciate that person all the more. If I had lost her, that would have been it for me, I know that. I am a lucky man...she stood by...but perhaps if I had pushed her away much harder, she may not have still been here by my side...there is only so much support one human being can offer before they reluctantly give in.

I guess what I am trying to say to anyone in this position is that if you have that person who is still with you through this hell, remember also what it is like for them and a much easier option for them would be to turn their backs. They haven't taken the easy option and that says a hell of a lot. They love you enough to endure this hell with you. Don't shut them out or take them for granted. You may live to regret it...you might not be as lucky as I am.
There is no substitute for having that one person in the world by your side who will do anything for you and face the sh*t that this world throws at you by your side. Never lose sight of that.

[Rights Fighter]

The fact that the partner needs their own support network is also really very important and should never be ignored.

I am sure that Mrs Faith had her friends and other people who provided a shoulder and advice as and when needed that were not in your own support network.

It's give and take. Both parties are hurting as much as the other - but in different ways. That means that different kinds of support are necessary to help them through it.

Mrs Faith is a saint of course!!! I'm off to buy a big hat......

[Denise]

What a lovely post Faith

I think it's lovely hearing men talk from the heart
Youre both lucky to have each other xx

[Faith]

The fact that the partner needs their own support network is also really very important and should never be ignored.

I am sure that Mrs Faith had her friends and other people who provided a shoulder and advice as and when needed that were not in your own support network.

It's give and take. Both parties are hurting as much as the other - but in different ways. That means that different kinds of support are necessary to help them through it.

Mrs Faith is a saint of course!!! I'm off to buy a big hat......

She has to be a saint to put up with me!!
I very much agree with your point about both parties needing support. MrsF is very close to my mum so she got a lot of support there and also some trusted friends who she spoke to.
But we gave a lot of support to eachother as well and made sure that we had days out together and made time to enjoy eachother's company as well.
A common worry from a man enduring these kinds of things is that he doesn't want to involve his loved one in his mess as he doesn't want to hurt her.
but when you love someone, their mess is your mess. Couples brave things together and the other half WANTS to be dragged in otherwise she would have walked away.
Pushing her away is more hurtful to her than letting her be immersed in it with you.

What a lovely post Faith

I think it's lovely hearing men talk from the heart
Youre both lucky to have each other xx

I think that's what it boils down to, Denise.
Remembering that you have eachother and how lucky you are. I was the one going facing the allegation so I thought I was lucky one...but I can appreciate that MrsF is just as lucky to have me (don't you say anything RF!!) And that's why she stuck around.
Any man going through this who has that person standing by him is lucky. But remember that she is lucky as well to have found someone she can feel so much love for.

Thanks for your kind words Denise.

[Rights Fighter]

I guess my main point is that the supporter needs support herself otherwise she will burn herself out and eventually walk away to preserve her sanity and self-worth. Her support network more often than not is not the same as the accused person's though. She needs to be among or to talk to people who have gone through it through her eyes.

[Faith]

I guess my main point is that the supporter needs support herself otherwise she will burn herself out and eventually walk away to preserve her sanity and self-worth. Her support network more often than not is not the same as the accused person's though. She needs to be among or to talk to people who have gone through it through her eyes.

100% agree
MrsF isnt a member of the forum but she is noseying over my shoulder and nodding her head vigorously so I assume that means she fully agrees too.

[fighter]

It's give and take. Both parties are hurting as much as the other - but in different ways. That means that different kinds of support are necessary to help them through it.

I agree with this very much. It is necessary to acknowledge and respect the difference in how each one is affected to be able to offer the right support. Also, when one is down, the other should be up even if it is hard to pull somebody up :-). I don't have much support outside the real world because some people cannot relate so much to what is happening but the forums helped a lot. My other friends support me in other ways; help me forget about the situation from time to time and make me laugh and smile. :-)

[billykickass]

I heartily agree with all said here but it's tough though feels a bit like the weight of the world is on your shoulders for both sides I think!

[Faith]

Yes, billy, you're right, it's tough for all involved.
But two people carrying that same weight together as a team are more likely to break it rather than two people struggling with it individually.

I think the two people that are most heavily involved are the accused and the partner...they are going through the same level of pain so while they may not be able to understand the specifics of eachother's experiences, they can understand how they are feeling.

And that understanding and comfort can go a long way. A loving couple, stood together against all adversity, can overcome whatever life throws at them. I firmly believe that and I probably wouldn't be here today if I hadn't followed that belief.