First time posting a thread

[scaredandangry]

Hi All
My son was falsely accused of this heinous crime back in May 2011. Last Monday he was charged with it. My first question is why did it take so long to make a decision to charge him? His life is in absolute tatters. He met the 'woman' on the internet on a dating site after the breakdown of his marriage and his worst crime is stupidity at having a one night stand. Since the nightmare began, he has lost his job (he is a teacher), so now has no money, all the family are doing our best to help so he doesn't lose his house also. Having gone to Magistrates court last Wednesday, we now have to wait till May to enter a plea (not guilty of course) and then his solicitor has said it will be another 6 to 8 weeks after that before a trial. Why do the wheels turn so slowly regarding this? I am so scared for him and the rest of his life if he is convicted, he will not cope if he has to go to prison. I feel like I've been kicked in the guts.

[fighter]

hi scaredandangry, welcome to the forum and sorry to hear about your son's story. My partner has also been charged 10 months later on. I guess this is not unusual; some have even longer period of being on bail. I hope you have a good solicitor and barrister on your side. You need a specialist for this. This is one of the first step in fighting this. Yes, it takes a long time for everything but you can turn it around in your favor. These weeks would be time for you to gather as much information as you can about the accuser.

Since your son met the accuser online, does he have records of their communication before and after they met? Did they have sms between them? You have not put much detail how the allegations came about? like did the woman accused him immediately after they met or took some days, etc. You might not be comfortable talking about it, but you can read through the threads. There are people who were also accused by people they met online and you can read how they deal with it. Some people find their accuser posting relevant information on Facebook and this has been helpful in their case.

Hang in there! the next few days, weeks will be very hard; but when you get the statements from the other side, it might be helpful to know what the woman's story is and your son will know how he can defend himself.

Being in the forum is a good start. there are many experienced members who have been through the same ordeals and have seen others through it.

[Saffron]

Hello Scaredandangry and welcome.
I'm sorry you find yourself here.

Have you got a good solicitor? You need one that is experienced in successfully defending false allegations of sexual crimes. If you don't, please post up which county you are in and someone may be able to make a recommendation. If you do want to change solicitors you need to do it now, as it can become difficult to do so later on in the process.

I would guess that it has taken so long for him to be charged because it is a very familiar situation - one of consent. She claims she didn't consent, he believes she did, is that right?

If the police thought they had solid evidence (ie: injuries to the complainant, other witnesses, incriminating text messages etc) your son would have been charged far more quickly.

Unfortunately cases where consent is contested are pretty much a lottery and hinge on who comes across as more credible in court. If you have a read through some of the other threads you will find that there are many other members in exactly the same situation - a one-night stand that has lead to a rape allegation. There are also quite a few other mums whose sons have been accused. No doubt they will be along shortly.

In the meantime, welcome

[Saffron]

Sorry, cross-posted with Fighter!

[lawlessone2009]

Jeez, a teacher as well. Really screwing with his life!

We're going to be left to speculate without some more details ie: is it simply 'consent' as already mentioned.

County would be handy or even country at a push.

I hope your boy is receiving emotional support as well as financial. You're going to need it too!

Your boy is coming against a system whereby an allegation of 'rape' suddenly means he's a risk to children. I'm not really comprehending WHY this happens. Is it really all in the interests of protecting children or is it really just screwing peoples lives as much as possible?

Ok, last paragraph is a rant, as usual...

All these things will be running through his mind in overdrive. Yours too no doubt. The time between being charged and receiving the statements is probably the worst time pre-trial. Obviously it sounds to me that you are in England somewhere as Scotland seems to arrest and charge almost straight away. I have no idea at all why things take so bloody long in England (although the time between charge and case seems longer in Scotland!) and also have no idea why they can't provide the statements as soon as the charge is read out.

It's a crazy system that you and your boy are now going to have to face so, as mentioned, take the time just now to get a decent and experienced solicitor onboard.

Were computers and phones confiscated?

[scaredandangry]

Hi
Thank you for such a warm and understanding welcome. It does feel like we are the only people in the world going through this.
We are in the UK.( England)
The lying individual went straight to the police after the deed in question. The police came to his flat and arrested him at 4am. They have taken his laptop-a-ma-bob and his phone.
We changed solicitors as the one allocated to him when he was arrested really wasnt much help at all. ( he has never had so much as a speeding ticket, so has never needed legal representation.) So we were pointed in the direction of another firm who informed us that because he is now unemployed that he is entitled to legal aid. Does this slow the process down? I am prepared to pay for representation. Moreover, I want my happy son back, although after this its hard to imagine

[Faith]

I'm terribly sorry that you have had to find us, but I am so glad you did.
You will find an understanding and knowledgable community here. Everybody here has been affected by the issue in one way or another and each experience comes with it's own lessons. If there's anything you need to ask, just do so. Someone here will no doubt be able to help.

It does feel like you are the only person in the world going through this but your situation is becoming scarily familiar. It wouldn't surprise me at all if it was this woman's intention from the outset to launch a false allegation against whatever man she met and slept with. There's a lot of money to be earned from being 'attacked'
+p
I am glad you have changed from the duty solicitor. You must have someone who specialises in fighting sexual allegations...it's such a minefield and a different battle to fight from every other offence. A solicitor and barrister who aren't experienced in dealing with it simply won't do.

Being on legal aid shouldn't hinder you; there are many here who have fought and won trials on legal aid.

It's a nasty allegation and it will simply boil down to her word against his. Have you had all of the disclosures through. The more you fight this, the more productive and positive you will feel so as time goes on and you progress more, it should become more bearable. It's never going to be easy and both you and your son need emotional support.

You will find it here, but ensure you have a network of support in the 'real world' too

[billykickass]

Thats all very good advice.
I would also say try and do as many things that are fun,you enjoy and take your mind off the situation even if its just at weekends it will make you feel refreshed and ready to attack it with even more vigour on the monday (well thats my experience)

Also my accuser went to the police within minutes of us parting ways i feel too like i was set up by a lying money seeking *****.

Welcome to the forum too

[wunderland]

time heals all wounds

I think your son should keep busy it's a very long and lonely road the poor guy has to take but if he can keep busy it will help with the depression every single person feels in this situation.As well as exercise walking of the pain helps I try to look at the positive side being through type of situation has made me a tougher person if he could do any part time work it would help it's very important to a man's self esteem to work even if it's part time my heart goes out to you and your family my hat is off it's good you are all helping him not lose his house god bless every mother good luck please write to everyone share your pain and good news i have been on here for over a year im still waiting for my trial but this site has been an oasis and no matter what even god forbid life will allways go on you should stay strong and this is not forever things will get better.

[RFLH]

thanks for posting up the good advice - welcome to the forum.

[marynarz]

Hi

Welcome and sorry to hear your story.

I think that you should show this forum to your son, that's the first think.
He can read other posts and learn, learn and once again learn about false accusations.

Let me tell you something.
When I was falsely accused I didn't know what is going on around me. I was like zombie. I didn't work for long time and I was falsely accused. I put my hope in to the police and my wife did it the same. And that was our mistake.
Then I have found this forum It really helps
I have some bad days but others too and you will have them, but you can come here any time you want. That's the most important.

Tell your son to go and look for work. Trust me, it helps a lot.
I think after 8 months from FA and 1 month before I was charged, I have found work.
First thing I did when I started work in my company is that Iv told them what is going on. Suprise suprise They are giving me any support they can So it is possible to work when you are in this situation, he can work and he should.

He needs to go to work cos he will think about his case more positively and this is much better than sitting at home.

I hope you understand what Im trying to say ( sorry for language but english is not my first )

[scaredandangry]

Good moring
Thank you all for the words of support.
We changed solicitors about 3 weeks ago, so when should we start to hear some of the disclosures, and how much do we get to find out? The police have his computer and his phone so it is just going to be from memory re: sms and other communication or should we be getting these electronic items back before the trial?
I honestly dont know weather these new solicitors are specialists in this field but I feel that I shouldn't be poking my nose in to things like this as my son is a grown man and I dont want to undermine his authority. His self esteem in in the tiolet as it is.
Regarding work.... He has qualifications coming out of his ears, he applied for a job in the local corner shop, they told him he wasn't quite what they were looking for!
You have to laugh.......Dont you???

[RFLH]

if you can laugh along the way - you know you're winning!

[billykickass]

Now that is probably some of the best advice you can get.

[Saffron]

Hi
It might be good if your son registers with an employment agency. It might be short term contract work, or pretty basic stuff for minimum wage, but it will keep him busy and give him a little spare cash. Alternatively he could try volunteering - if he likes animals the local animal shelter is usually looking for helpers to walk dogs, feed and muck out the pens, etc.

With regard to disclosure, well, now that he has been charged he should start receiving the "evidence". This should be EVERYTHING the police have "found out" including anything they do not intend to use. It will be her statement, the results of any medical examinations and forensics, anything they have found on his computer/phone etc.

As for getting his computer and stuff back, once the police have finished examining it he should be able to get it back, unless they intend to use anything found there as evidence. Forensic examination of computers and phones takes a long time as there is usually a huge backlog of cases and it is a very specialised skill. If there is anything on the sim/hard drive that they intend to use as evidence, you should be given the opportunity to respond to that evidence and have your own examinations carried out.

Hang in there. Keep visiting us - it really does help.