Husband who is innocent has been charged today..am freaking out...please advise!

[Denise]

Denise, I have a feeling those liars wont even bother to go online and see how other people falsely accused fight this; they would just be selfish and think of their selves. Or do they? that made me wonder!

Yes, I agree with you how scary to have evil females out there. I don't want anybody being put into the same situation as we are.

I've actually thought about this a lot.
And I really do think they've been given knowledge on this subject. I know they knew about things because of their mother, but the accusations are the worst imaginable...I text my daughter today "they didn't just go for a stab in the back, they evilly went for the jugular "
xx

[Saffron]

Denise and AbsolutelyGutted
If you want anything deleted or moderated at any time please let one of us Mods know and we will act as soon as possible. Usually one of us is around, regardless of the hour!
I would also like to say thank you for the support you have offered to other members. Your mutual exchanges and support is exactly how this forum should be.
Thank you

[Denise]

For me , it's because OH is visiting his daughter and I have the laptop, this is EXACTLY what I wanted to do, give comfort to others in exchange for all thats been given to me on here in such a short space of time. I have no legal experience, but I sure do have the emtional ones xx

[fighter]

I've actually thought about this a lot.
And I really do think they've been given knowledge on this subject. I know they knew about things because of their mother, but the accusations are the worst imaginable...I text my daughter today "they didn't just go for a stab in the back, they evilly went for the jugular "
xx

you are right, Denise. They do plan it; but it is amazing how still inconsistencies could be found or some conflicts in statements especially if it is a case of word against each other. I guess however well-planned they would still miss details in their stories. And because the accused's life is on the line; we think well more than they do! We have that drive to fight as best as we can; they got nothing to lose and we have a lot to lose!

I think at some point the false accuser get stressed also when they have to give their side :-)

[Denise]

I think at some point the false accuser get stressed also when they have to give their side :-)

Plus they're not exactly the sharpest tools in the box ! xx

[fighter]

Plus they're not exactly the sharpest tools in the box ! xx

definitely! i did observe that from a lot of false accusers who have been found out lying.

[Faith]

Without meaning to break up the current flow of conversation, which I've read with interest, can i just reitorate something which Fighter said earlier for the benefit of absolutelygutted.

I absolutely wholeheartedly agree with fighter in that you should be as actively involved in all meetings as possible. Not only will your husband omit thigs that you remember but he may not remember everything that the solicitor says.
Write everything down.
Make a timeline of events. Sit down with your husband. He has the information but you can help coax it out and get it onto paper.
Make copies and give one to the solicitor and talk him/her through it. Keep a copy for your own file. Store everything (screenshots, notes, police documents, EVERYTHING) in a file.
While husband talks to the solitor, you could take down important notes or write down questions to ask. When he phones, does your housephone or mobile have a loud speaker function. Run it past your solicitor first (as it's polite!) but if he or she is okay with it, husband could talk and you could take note for telephone conversations too.
Two heads are better than one. you care about this case as much as your husband does so you have a lot of power in this. Be there as much as you can...in turn it will make you feel a bit better and less powerless. The more proactive the are, the quicker you and husband will feel the benefit.

And casehardened, feel free to help me out with the vodka seeing as you asked so nicely!

[Absolutely gutted]

Thanks for all the advice...I plan to attend every meeting - simply due to the fact that I know my hubby won't be able to ask the right questions - the worry and fear that he might end up in prison right now is just overwhelming at the moment.

Problem is though that I work full time - how do the other wifes/gf deal or have dealt with this?
I'll try to take half day or so off in the upcoming meetings but I don't know how I will manage to attend every single one - also, I obviously don't want to tell me boss at work!
I also am curious to hear what's on the recorded tapes that the police have given us to hand over to hubby's solicitor - I'm scared that hubby said something in a way that they could use against him...but we'll see.

Right now we're waiting to qualify for legal aid - we went to solicitor on Friday and they seem nice and kind of knowing what they are doing but our first impression of the offices and presentation was not that good - old building/offices, stacks of paper everywhere -don't know if this is bad sign or not, the clerk that we've spoken to seemed to know his stuff even though he was dressed very casually. He explained everything and did the application form for us for legal aid - we'll probably have to pay some money on top but not that much. At the end he wanted to introduce us to the advocate who runs the firm (hubby spoke to him on phone and he told us to come in) but he was busy on phone....
Just to be sure, are we allowed to change the solicitor in case we get the feeling that this firm is right for this case? His magistrate court date is 2.5 weeks from now from where we will be transferred to Crown Court....

[Faith]

You can change solicitor up to a certain stage but when you are on legal aid it becomes more difficult after a while. The quicker the better really. Obviously the longer the solicitor has to work with you the better position he/she will be in to help you too.

As for your husband saying something that can be used against him, did he have a solicitor in his interview (sorry I forgot already and I can only scroll back so far in the thread while replying)

[Absolutely gutted]

Yes, he had the duty solicitor present at the interview (they specialize in employment disputes, unfair dismissal cases, discrimination claims and accident claims - so no criminal defense specialists whatsoever). He advised him on what to say not to say before the interview. so I guess he might have prevented him from saying anything stupid.

[Faith]

Although having a specialist solicitor in that initial meeting is ideal, very few of us get that luxury as we are not expecting this to happen and most people who end up in this situation have had no previous brushes with the law so don't have a solicitor on call.

Even though the solicitor isn't specialised in criminal law, they will know exactly what is best to say in this situation more than if your husband was alone. It may have also helped to keep the police professional. They are likely to try more dirty tricks if there is no solicitor present.

Your husband's memory will be fogged but I am sure he will remember if he said anything drastic. The police and CPS may be able to twist little things but so long as he didn't make any major faux pas, these will all be arguable by a good legal team. Don't focus on things which can't be changed.
Your husband will be given a chance to see all of the evidence that is against him and then his legal team will help him compose a counter-statement. Don't worry too much...it's likely he may have slipped up once or twice in the interview but it was a very stressful situation...there is a little leeway due to the kind of pressurised situation he was in. The fact he had a legal person in any capacity with him significantly lessens the chance that he made slip ups.

Look forward, don't dwell.. this is all fightable.

[fighter]

Problem is though that I work full time - how do the other wifes/gf deal or have dealt with this?
I'll try to take half day or so off in the upcoming meetings but I don't know how I will manage to attend every single one - also, I obviously don't want to tell me boss at work!
I also am curious to hear what's on the recorded tapes that the police have given us to hand over to hubby's solicitor - I'm scared that hubby said something in a way that they could use against him...but we'll see.

Absolutely gutted; there is not a lot of meeting and they are very much spaced apart. As far as I can remember, I have met the solicitor: a)at the beginning when we asked him if he can take on our case; b)magistrates hearing, c)crown court hearing; d) a full day meeting (about 8 hours; at home) where he explained the process and we went through the statements and drafted my partner statements and e) for follow up/update. Some matters are done through phones or by mails (like documents that we need to look at; put corrections and send it back).

Our solicitor said if things are going well; they dont call us to come in and have a meeting with them; however if we want to discuss things with them we can always arrange for a meeting. I guess it will be the same for you.

Meetings with solicitors also do not last more than an hour especially if they are efficient; except when we had to go through the statements.

You can also check online your solicitors if they are okay or you can tell us your solicitor and maybe some of the members will recognize them and can recommend or warn you against them.

[Joan1978]

Hi

Like i do on every thread i write on, i will apologise as i have no useful information.. I have tried private messaging you but it wont let me for some reason..

I am going through very similar, ill be honest i haven't read all your emails throughly purely because its painful as its quite similar but i wanted to tell you how i had coped, may not help you at all but you never know!!

Ok, work.. Do you trust your manager?? i have told my manager, in the beginning i didn't tell them anything, then i told them it was a close family member and then i told them the truth when he had been charged and jesus i could not have got through it without them, they have been amazing but i did trust my manager 100% and the only time i would suggest been that honest is if you do?? if you don't trust them, do you trust them enough to say its a distant relative as such, so they give you support and time off without questioning you ??

Its amazing what a roller coaster you will be on, one minute i want to give him massive hugs and then i wont to hurt him (not psychically clearly haha you know what i mean!!) but what ever you feel you know he hasn't done it, he's a cheating rat but not an evil attacker ( i cant say that word as it knocks me sick!) its just unreal, i think i will wake up and it be over but it never is, but this forum has really been a life saver. my family and friends are amazing but no one understands exactly how it feels till you have been there and although i wish to god no one will feel like i do, its nice to know you aren't alone!!!

take care and sorry i probably wasn't much use xx

[Faith]

Good point there by Fighter.
Basic communications with your solicitor will probably be done over the phone or email and you will be able to work that around your work easily.

The actual meetings are few and far between but it is worth trying to get some time off work for them. Try and either arrange for days off or if the worst comes to the worst, can you book a day's holiday?
It would be an enormous help for you both to be there.

[Faith]

Joan, sounds to me like a very helpful reply. You don't have to have legal knowledge etc o be helpful; the life experience and the understanding that comes with it is what gets us all through it.

You need to be a member for 7 days before you can use the PM feature...if you arent a 'Full member' you won't be able to send and if Absolutely gutted isn't then they will not receive it.
Once that time passes you will be able to send a PM