Husband who is innocent has been charged today..am freaking out...please advise!

[Absolutely gutted]

Hi all,

first of all I wanna apologize because this might take a while to read. It's the first time I've posted something on here and talking about what's happened, so bare with me please.

My husband (Roasewalker on here, he posted about his false accusations back in November) had his bail date today and they charged him on two accounts of sexual assault, it's absolutely disgusting (I don't wanna go into detail, not sure what I can say on here or not)...I'm in a shock right now, am thinking of him having to rot in prison already etc. etc. ... you know how your mind goes crazy and imagines the worst happening.

Basically he cheated on me (don't even start, I know this is huge but I know him more than he probably does himself and I will stand by him because I know he never raped the girl) with a girl at a house party where loads of his and her friends were present, they were together the entire evening, everyone else saw them being flirty...they did it in a room where obviously no one else was present but the two of them...they were in there for just 15min or so until she started to cry in the middle of things. he tried to calm her down but she wouldn't stop so he went to get her friend and asked her to look after her because she wouldn't stop crying (her friend and my hubby's friend who were standing together when he came out of the room both backed this story when questioned by police).
After her friend talked to her she told my hubby that the girl is probably just upset because she has a boyfriend back home and realized that she cheated on him.
Hubby really didn't know what hit him when he found out that the girl went to accuse him of rape.
She claims that she fell unconscious during sex which hubby says is absolute bull****, she was conscious the entire time and started crying in the middle of things.

He told me the day after police arrested him...I was absolutely devastated....especially since it kind of hits you twice...not only has he cheated on you but the girl even accused him of something he would never do. Right now I just feel so angry with this girl - according to hubby's friend who she's friends with on FB she's out and about travelling Europe, having drunken nights out with friends and having the time of her pathetic life!!!...I mean seriously how can she sleep at night knowing that she did this to another person....
Everyone that knows her and dealt with her in some way or another says that she's a bit mental and overreacts very easily, some of them told hubby that they know she's taking drugs as well.
She's tried to hit on hubby once before all of this happened, she was drunk (possibly high?) and tried to rub herself on him while dancing (he turned her down that time) but he was not the only one she targeted, she tried to hit on some of his friends as well.

Anyway, sorry for rambling, I've just only yesterday talked to one other person about this (my sister, she's the best!) and it just feels good to write everything down.

Now, we're obviously looking for expert solicitors because of the severity of this whole thing, we never thought it would go that far, we were able to even enjoy ourselves from time to time seeing that the investigation took so long.

We've been referred to BIRDS SOLICITORS in SW London through another lawyer who in return was recommended by Chris Saltrese (who were the first ones we called). They seem to be specialists in that area and offer legal aid as well. Has anyone ever heard of them? I've already had a look through other posts and EBR Solicitors seems to come up often. Are they specialists in these sort of situations?

I'm worried that we might not be able to afford the good ones. when we talked to the one Chris Saltrese recommended in our area and asked him about installment payments they went all like "there's no point of coming to us this if you think you cannot afford it" which left us a bit upset - that's not necessarily something you want to hear when you seek help.
We really want to get a good one on board and we're not shying away from costs either (safe for the fact we can pay the sols off in installments), this is a nightmare and I for myself want my hubby to come out of this unharmed, I know he did wrong in cheating and he's an idiot sometimes but I do love him and know he would never do such a thing as forcing himself on a girl!

Any advise would be welcome:-)

Thanks for listening,
Absolutely Gutted

[Absolutely gutted]

Not sure if I'm supposed to be revealing this much of the case...please do point out if I did!

[fighter]

hi absolutelygutted, welcome to the forum and sorry to hear that your husband has been charged. The moderator will tell you if you have revealed much, but i dont think you did. It is normal to be panicky at this time.

Your husband is lucky to have you standing by him despite what happened. By reading your story; it is good that there are others who can stand as witness for your husband as well as many people know of the character of the girl.

Once you get a solicitor, you can soon have all paperwork and you will feel better what your husband will be fighting against. I am sure some members will be coming on later to recommend specialist in your area.

Hang in there and be strong! hugs!

[largactyl1]

Hi there, just wanted to say welcome to you - but obviously sorry that you have had to find us. I don't think you have said too much as it helps people get an idea about what is going on for you and so advise you appropriately.

It is a great place here for help, advice and to let off steam about all of the feelings and fears you will undoubtedly have. Plus the knowledge that yr partner cheated on you.

Kind regards
Jen

[Absolutely gutted]

Thanks for the welcoming words, really appreciated:-)
I don't know if I mentioned it before but we are looking for a sol in the London area.

[Faith]

There are members in the London area, so they may help you to find a solicitor. Member Rights Fighter in particular has an unmatchable knowledge of good solicitors so once she reads your thread, if she knows of one in London, she will point you in a good direction.

Anyone who Chris Saltrese reccommends I would automatically have faith in; Chris has been the solicitor who has been supporting me on my case and he knows his stuff. Sadly, it seems as if this firm you have gone to don't accept payment in installments so that's a shame. many firms do however and many take on cases on legal aid. Being funded by legal aid doesn't automatically mean you will get lesser service. It isn't essential to be able to afford to pay privately to get good representation.

I am sorry for what you are going through. The accuser sounds like she ticks all of the boxes that we are used to here. Heartless, of bad character and seemingly able to get on with her life while casually wrecking others. You have a fight ahead but it is certainly winnable. You have shown great strength and courage in moving past your husband's infidelity and that says a lot about you as a person. Your husband is lucky to have you and this dreadful experience will make your marriage much much stronger.

It's a frightening time and you have to be on the ball, non-complacent and have the support of a good solicitor. It's by no means hopeless at all though, these fights can be won and will seem a lot easier once you have that expert legal support behind you. When you get the disclosure through, your husband will be able to pick apart the accuser's statements...the more inconsistencies he finds, the less credible she will look on the stand.

Stay strong, and I have the fullest respect for you standing by your husband. many women would have ran a mile and I wouldn't have blamed them. you've shown real strength of character. you can deal with his infidelity afterwards...you are quite right that no matter how much he has hurt you by doing that, he does not deserve what is happening to him now.

It's not all about your husband. This will affect you too so make sure you keep yourself healthy. See your GP if necessary; they can offer some counselling and various other support. And please come on here and moan, whinge and ask away. It is an incredibly supportive environment.

Your first mission: find a good solicitor. the quicker you get the ball rolling, the more time you can focus on building a strong defence.

[fighter]

great reply, Faith! :-)

[Faith]

Or it would be if I hadn't written won as 'one' and away as 'aware'
Vodka's gone to my head

[Casehardened]

Or it would be if I hadn't written won as 'one' and away as 'aware'
Vodka's gone to my head

All sorted.....BTW your knowledgeable and considered support for other members is very much appreciated (especially when you yourself are in a similar situation)

......can I have some of that vodka

[Absolutely gutted]

Thank you so much faith for the kind words, it really means a lot to know that someone actually listens without judging you straight away. That's the reason why I haven't told anyone else beside my sister who unfortunately doesn't live in the uk and can't really give that much advice as she's never been in this situation.
My husband is quite naive sometimes and right now he's in a state, really scared and doesn't know where to start.
I feel like I want to speak for him to the solicitor to explain the whole situation because he has trouble making himself clear. he was on the phone with a couple of solicitors and I got so agitated with him because he left the most important facts about the situation out and gave reason to believe that he might actually be guilty - I told him to focus and tell the facts as they are - I swear if I could attend every meeting with the solicitor I would, just to make sure the information he gets is correct. Am I allowed to be there when he meets the solicitor?

[lifesnotfair]

Hello Absolutely gutted. I'm really sorry for your situation. I have been so angry with the girl who made the accusation against my partner. Everything you say is right. What on earth makes someone act in that way?

Anyway, people are right to say don't be complacent. Anything you see on facebook - screenshot it. I was so naive when my partner was arrested. I really didn't think it would go anywhere because I kept saying 'they've got nothing on you'. God, if I'd known then what I know now!!! She also posted on facebook about all the boys she was f******. She also posted something on there about being a good actress but like I said we did nothing about it at the time and since then she's deleted her profile and re-started it. Definitely be pro-active. Don't rely on your solicitor to get things done. Anything you can dig for will help.

On another note, be prepared for your relationship to embark on a rollercoaster of a ride. Other members will have been my previous posts on here about my relationship with my partner recently. He didn't cheat on me so for you to have this happen to you, you will also be experiencing some anger, etc. I don't want to be the harbinger of doom, but forewarned is definitely forearmed.

Over the past few months I've learned that this site is invaluable for moral support. No one will judge and people who have been through/are going through the same experience will always have some words of wisdom for you when you are feeling at your lowest.

Good luck and stay in touch. x

[fighter]

Am I allowed to be there when he meets the solicitor?

absolutely gutted, yes you are allowed to be with him when he meets the solicitor. I have always been with my partner when he meets the solicitor and the solicitor also appreciated that. We need to be there to absorb everything as like your husband, my partner's mind is also in a state. It also helps that you know what has been discussed so after the meeting you can discuss things between the two of you. My partner tend to interpret some things that solicitor said in another way and I try to keep him on track by being objective as much as I can. Between the two of us; I am more conscious of the timeline, what needs to be done; and I do the research for him. He is more free to deal with his roller coaster thoughts and emotions and I keep my eye on the process. I act like his personal assistant, secretary and researcher.

One good advise that I got from this forum is to be proactive with dealing with the solicitors and barristers. We always ask our solicitors what else can we do from our side. A good relationship with the solicitor and barrister is very important as you will have to trust them during the trial. However, as advised here the forum; you have to understand also every decision they make and ask them why. They receive instructions from us and they advise us what is acceptable or a good strategy in the court.

I hope you get to sort out your solicitor soon; as they said the solicitor should provide a good solid foundation to your case.

[RFLH]

good reply as always fighter.

[Denise]

Thank you so much faith for the kind words, it really means a lot to know that someone actually listens without judging you straight away. That's the reason why I haven't told anyone else beside my sister who unfortunately doesn't live in the uk and can't really give that much advice as she's never been in this situation.
My husband is quite naive sometimes and right now he's in a state, really scared and doesn't know where to start.
I feel like I want to speak for him to the solicitor to explain the whole situation because he has trouble making himself clear. he was on the phone with a couple of solicitors and I got so agitated with him because he left the most important facts about the situation out and gave reason to believe that he might actually be guilty - I told him to focus and tell the facts as they are - I swear if I could attend every meeting with the solicitor I would, just to make sure the information he gets is correct. Am I allowed to be there when he meets the solicitor?

Hi ya and welcome

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this too
I haven't told hardly anyone either and this forum is a life saver for me even though my OH kind of monitors my time on here because he's seen me so upset whilst typing.

If you think you've divulged too much info you should see what I write ! I have panicky moments where I feel like coming back on and deleting everything because I know for sure, if the accusers came on here they would instantly recognise me

but what the heck, we're innocent and they're not, even though the accusations are the other way round.

It scares me how many screwed up lying evil females are about, sometimes I'm ashamed to be female when I think what power we have in this country xx

[fighter]

If you think you've divulged too much info you should see what I write ! I have panicky moments where I feel like coming back on and deleting everything because I know for sure, if the accusers came on here they would instantly recognise me

It scares me how many screwed up lying evil females are about, sometimes I'm ashamed to be female when I think what power we have in this country xx

Denise, I have a feeling those liars wont even bother to go online and see how other people falsely accused fight this; they would just be selfish and think of their selves. Or do they? that made me wonder!

Yes, I agree with you how scary to have evil females out there. I don't want anybody being put into the same situation as we are.