Help!!

[innocentperson]

So, about two years ago I was in a relationship with a girl. We always hung out and eventually we had sex once, this was at her apartment. We still hung out for a few months after but didn't do anything other than just go eat and study together. Eventually she stopped talking to me and hanging out and roughly 4 months later I get threatening messages from her current BF than I raped her. It's been almost 2 years since those threats and I'm still worried, should I get legal advice and take legal action?? Every here and there the situation tends to come back and I don't want it blowing up into anything big.

Does this mean I'm accused?? Should I talk to a lawyer? I feel she or maybe only her BF, said it to scare me, but I don't wanna put too much weight on that. What should I do?? It's been a few years, I've not been arrested or anything, no one's gone to the police, but I don't wanna relax and hope it just goes away.

[largactyl1]

Hi there, this must be a horrible position to find yourself in. From what you say thus far however, it doesn't sound as if it's more than name-calling and posturing which is totally out of order.

The fact you were friends with this girl for months speaks volumes doesn't it, and the fact you had sex but both clearly decided that friends was what you were supposed to be.

I don't know whether going to a lawyer would be a good idea, but talking to friends might help as this kind of jibe is way below the belt and dangerous.

Good luck
Jen

[innocentperson]

I've talked to a lot of my friends and they said the same thing. She even contacted me after her BF threatened me and asked to talk to her, I ignored her because I as afraid anything I said could be used against me. Some of my friends are even advising me to talk to her now and try to resolve it, but again, I fear that anything I say could be used against me. At the same time I don't want this blowing up bigger than it should be, I find myself extremely stressed and paranoid about this because I could get into a lot of trouble for something I didn't do. I'm a good person, other than a speeding ticket I've never been in trouble, and I'm so upset and hurt that someone would even associate me with the word rape. But thank you so much for your comment.

[RFLH]

Do not go to the police - they will make something out of nothing.

Do not speak to her or anyone to do with her.

[innocentperson]

Do not go to the police - they will make something out of nothing.

Do not speak to her or anyone to do with her.

Sounds good, I've learned through reading and watching videos on these things that police should never EVER be spoken to, so that's why I haven't talked to anyone. I've only brought this up to a few close friends, and I don't intend to talk to her for fears of my words being used against me. I'm a little relieved that it's been a few years and nothing's happened, but I admit that it's always in the back of my head and I'm always taking mental notes in case anything ever does happen.

[largactyl1]

It is an awful thing to even have in connection with your name. Hopefully others will be able to actually advise you a bit more thoroughly.

Kind regards
Jen

[innocentperson]

I know this is a UK site, but i couldn't find any US ones like it. I was wondering, when people say they've been accused, does that mean that you've been arrested and awaiting trial, or does it have to be something as simple as someone pointing a finger and saying it, like my situation here.

[RFLH]

usually it means when the police are involved, been cautioned and arrested.

[innocentperson]

Alright, thanks.

You all have no idea how good it feels to be able to talk about this on a site where people have truly been falsely convicted and accused of this thing. I'm so paranoid and scared, my friends tell me to relax but it bugs me so much that someone would even point the finger and say it. All I have to hold onto that brings me a little relief is that it's been a few years and nothing's happened, which tells me that she probably was just doing it for attention and petty reasons. Still, I worry EVERYDAY about this.

[RFLH]

I think its time to give yourself a break over this. Worry about it IF anything ever happens.

You are wasting time and tainting your life over nothing at the moment.

[innocentperson]

Thank you so much!! I appreciate it. It feels so good to be able to talk to people who have real experience with these kind of things that have been through even worse scenarios than I could dream of. I think I may be scaring myself a bit, i spent all yesterday just reading up on horror stories over things like this.

Again, THANKS!!!! If anyone has anymore input though, I'd appreciate it.

[Faith]

I don't think any more input is necessary...the absolute best advice has been given already by RFLH

In summary:
-don't contact the police
-cut all contact with the girl and her boyfriend
-give yourself a break

There's really nothing more that can beat that approach. Cut yourself off of the situation and try not to think about it. If it had gone to the police, then you would have heard by now. Engaging in any contact with these nasty people will only keep you in their minds and make it more likely that something will get blown out of proportion.
Sounds like you've had a lucky miss here.
I'd imagine you will be on your guard in future around any female...that will be natural. Take care and try not to worry about
something that may never happen.
EDIT: Avoid the horror stories! You do not need to read them, especially if it is scaring you.

[innocentperson]

Thank you so much for your input Faith. Indeed I will avoid the horror stories and I am definitely cautious around females, especially considering than I am a college student above 18. This situation is ridiculous, unnecesary, and one of the most unpleasant things I've ever had to deal with. Again, I know I've said it a million times, but I really appreciate the input from real people who've had real experience. Thank you. And if there's anything any group that's built to prevent these kinds of things, help point me in the right direction, because I would like to join that fight. This was scary enough, can you imagine if something actually happened? I feel for those people...

[innocentperson]

The only downfall to this seems to be that it's a small community, so we all know a few people that know each other. What I've done is completely cut ties with her and her BF, but we still hear about each other here and there through the grapevine, which I ignore. I've actually seen her at a few events earlier this year, which I completely avoided her. But again, thanks everyone I really appreciate the input. Maybe I'm overthinking it, I'm just going to continue to just ignore it. Apparently she was mad because I never asked her out or anything, such a stupid scenario, I can't believe people would go to such lengths over things like that.

[Faith]

If you feel passionately enough to get involved in a fight against this kind of thing, one of the best things you can do is take some time to offer some emotional support on this very forum to members going through a tough and uncertain time.
Alternatively you can research various support groups and charities against false accusations...PAFAA, SOFAP and FACT are all prominent. Am I right in thinking you're from the USA...there may be a similar group based in the USA.
Member Verity is very on the ball when it comes to fighting the system...might be worth dropping her a message when you get PM priveleges.

In terms of keeping out of her way, it appears that you are doing the right thing. You will always 'be aware' of her, but you won't have to be involved with her, that is a choice. And you've made the right one. The closer you get to her, the more liely nasty ideas will start forming in her dangerous mind again. I would worry for her current boyfriend, when it all goes wrong, he might get the shock of his life...