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Loved one accused of rape

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  • Good police officers do exist, it's just hard to tell which is which. A nice officer may be just that...or they may be putting on an act and be ready to stick a knife in your back. Sadly, the best way to combat this is to constantly be on your guard, no matter how genuine they seem. That way, if they turn out to be sods, you're less surprised but if they turn out to be one of the good uns, it's a nice surprise.

    I hope you finally get an answer on Friday
    "Be sure your sin will find you out"

    Numbers 32:23

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    • When the police send the statements to CPS, do they also give an opinion ? Xx
      I live in hope it's over forever

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      • Originally posted by Denise View Post
        When the police send the statements to CPS, do they also give an opinion ? Xx
        I suppose it depends on the individual case but I would think they would certainly be asked their opinion on how the witnesses for both sides will come across in court; after all this will have a bearing on how the case turns out which is what the CPS base their decision on.

        The OIC will have interviewed both witnesses and so is better placed to judge their quality than the CPS lawyers. For serious cases such as these that we deal with, I believe that they personally take the paperwork in and there is some discussion then, though I stand to be corrected on this.
        'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'

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        • Any decent and thorough officer should include their opinions/recommendations in a covering report with the file when it goes to CPS. Along with any obvious anomalies, this is also the place where the officer would note, for example, if they had attempted to speak with any other potential witness who had for whatever reason refused to give a statement. Although they might not have given a signed statement, they may have said something that could undermine/strengthen the chances of a prosecution.

          As for how long it takes, that can depend on the area in which you live. The CPS in the area where I live are apparently much quicker in the decision making process than the CPS in the neighbouring county – another postcode lottery!

          Denise, I hope you are ok. I am keeping everything crossed for you for tomorrow. xx

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          • I can't add anything to the excellent advice that has already been given, but I wanted to s ay that I will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending you courage and strength.

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            • I was watcching that Coppers programme the other night and they said there that the OIC would give an opinion which could effect the outcome.

              However in my case the officer that interviewed me was turned out not to be the OIC in fact i never even met him. The female Sgt who was originally in charge said to my soilicitor that it would probably be NFAd so god know what process they actually use for the charging decision. I just hope they all end up looking silly in court when i pick all the holes the story she has come up with.

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              • Once again you're all amazing with your support & knowledge, I asked because back in the early days OIC would call me a lot asking questions relating to their statement, she never said what they had said but I would answer honestly and then she would say it once again leaves her baffled,

                I said to son not long after I made my statement "you've never asked what we said in our statements" he said he doesn't want to know, he knows he's told the truth and trusts we all did too,

                My niece was called bc they involved her too, I have never contacted my niece to ask what she said, if only the OIC and CPS knew this surely it would mean we are being honest ?

                When the retired officer came to take my youngests statement he talked a lot to my OH ( I wasn't allowed to be present) and he said each time the DC asks your partner a question and she gets an answer she sits and work scratching her head saying "it looks like another nail in these girls coffin"

                She explained to me one day her difficulty is that serious allegations have been made by 2 girls yet she has a family who appear to be honest

                She pressed me one evening on why I didn't get the father charged for battering he gave me that made me leave him, I couldn't answer her, I said despite pressure from outsiders I don't know why I didn't.

                I still don't know why I didn't, I guess I was emotionally weaker and low xx
                I live in hope it's over forever

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                • From what you say Denise, it sounds like the police have doubts about the girls story and without actually saying it, are trying to offer you some comfort that this isn’t going anywhere – I do hope that is the case. It sounds like you got an honest opinion from the retired officer – someone with lots of experience no doubt, who knows a pack of lies when he hears it.

                  Do not feel bad about not reporting the father for what he did to you back then. You did what you thought was right at the time for you and your family. Often the way in which the question is put by the officer can intimate that ‘you should have done this’ or ‘why didn’t you do that’ and you are made to feel accountable for this situation now. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

                  I must remember to try and find my crystal ball – if only!

                  Sending you lots of support. Stay strong. xx

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                  • Originally posted by Browneyedgirl View Post
                    From what you say Denise, it sounds like the police have doubts about the girls story and without actually saying it, are trying to offer you some comfort that this isn’t going anywhere – I do hope that is the case. It sounds like you got an honest opinion from the retired officer – someone with lots of experience no doubt, who knows a pack of lies when he hears it.

                    Do not feel bad about not reporting the father for what he did to you back then. You did what you thought was right at the time for you and your family. Often the way in which the question is put by the officer can intimate that ‘you should have done this’ or ‘why didn’t you do that’ and you are made to feel accountable for this situation now. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

                    I must remember to try and find my crystal ball – if only!

                    Sending you lots of support. Stay strong. xx
                    Thankyou, I do believe the retired one believes us, he said also to my OH that if he were still in charge he'd be having some serious words with people xx
                    I live in hope it's over forever

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                    • If you are anything like me Denise, I bet you dare not dwell too much on all the positive comments and thoughts. When I’m going through things with my husband, we can not find anything which would go in favour of the accusers in our case. Like you, our accusers are family, though I use that term very loosely in their case! I still however beat myself up and tell myself that I shouldn’t think too positively in case it all goes tits up. I think it’s what they call a coping mechanism – I’m no psychologist either.

                      How is your son holding up by the way?

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                      • Sorry I am going to be negative. I believe most police are interested in presenting a case which CPS will take up and prosecute - I had a (to me) very fair and positive OIC but this did not stop CPS taking my case very seriously and taking a very long tiome. I have to endorse other suspicions voiced here that they are rarely IF EVER on the side of the accused - however pleasant they seem to be to the accused. BE VERY CAREFUL

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                        • Not at all negative Felix, I think that is an honest and probably accurate view. I think that is why we are constantly on our guard, however friendly and comforting an OIC may seem. You only have to read some of the threads on this forum to get a picture of the lengths some officers will go to. I have to remind myself that this is not a tv drama where both sides will be fully investigated and witnesses from both sides will be sought before it goes to CPS. Quite the contrary, in our case, we believe only potential witnesses in favour of the accused have as yet been approached.

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                          • Originally posted by Browneyedgirl View Post
                            If you are anything like me Denise, I bet you dare not dwell too much on all the positive comments and thoughts. When I’m going through things with my husband, we can not find anything which would go in favour of the accusers in our case. Like you, our accusers are family, though I use that term very loosely in their case! I still however beat myself up and tell myself that I shouldn’t think too positively in case it all goes tits up. I think it’s what they call a coping mechanism – I’m no psychologist either.

                            How is your son holding up by the way?
                            That's exactly like us, common sense tells us we don't have a problem, reality and fearing the worst tells us we do !

                            They were horrid step children who put me off ever being with a guy again with yiung children , their ways robbed me of 6 years and their lies will rob my son of a future

                            As for my son, he 'seems' ok at the moment, he doesn't talk about it much but I've told him if he does need to talk I'm always there xx
                            I live in hope it's over forever

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                            • Originally posted by Denise View Post
                              That's exactly like us, common sense tells us we don't have a problem, reality and fearing the worst tells us we do !

                              They were horrid step children who put me off ever being with a guy again with yiung children , their ways robbed me of 6 years and their lies will rob my son of a future

                              As for my son, he 'seems' ok at the moment, he doesn't talk about it much but I've told him if he does need to talk I'm always there xx
                              I feel exactly the same Denise.
                              My Son doesn't want to talk about it either, so I don't bring it up unless he does, it seems to be the best way for us to cope with it.

                              It's made me think though of all the stupid things I used to worry about before all this so it has changed me already.

                              Izzy x

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                              • Originally posted by Izzy View Post
                                I feel exactly the same Denise.
                                My Son doesn't want to talk about it either, so I don't bring it up unless he does, it seems to be the best way for us to cope with it.

                                It's made me think though of all the stupid things I used to worry about before all this so it has changed me already.

                                Izzy x

                                Ironically he's just text me saying he come back from docs because of stomach pains, he needs the camera both ends ;-( and has lost weight

                                I'm a talker , he's not do at first I struggled to understand his quietness xx
                                I live in hope it's over forever

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