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Loved one accused of rape

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  • #16
    Originally posted by Rights Fighter View Post
    Where is who based?
    sorry ! lesson one learned, don't attempt this on my phone !
    I saw a telephone number on your reply and thought you were suggesting a good solicitor nearby.
    I live in hope it's over forever

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    • #17
      Hi Denise, welcome to the forum - but sorry that you are in the position whereby you have had to find us.

      I agree with others that maybe talking to one very trusted friend might help you. If you really can't then obviously we are here for you - all of us have either been Falsely Accused or supported someone close to us.

      I supported my best friend of many years, as did my husband. It was a traumatic time and being on this forum helped so much when I was floundering and not knowing what to do to help Tony. He was NFA'd a year or so ago after being bailed and re-bailed for 4 months. He also had psychological support from our local mental health team as he was at one point suicidal. You can get in touch with them through A and E if you ever find your loved one in dire straits, or through his GP.

      If you can't talk to a friend and you are at the end of your tether TheSamaritans really help - particularly at 3 o'clock in the morning and you can't sleep with the worry.

      Kind Regards
      Jen
      False Accusers Beware: You have chosen to dine at the Karma Cafe. There is no menu: you will just get what you deserve.

      Comment


      • #18
        Edited out: post overlapped with Denise's reply!
        'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'

        Comment


        • #19
          The point where suicide is considered is the lowest point he will ever go too. If he's managed by that then he is a strong young man with a VERY strong mother backing him up.

          It's easy to see life stopping right before your eyes and consider that suicide is the only option. It shouldn't even be on the list! It was on my list at one point until a google search threw up a strange site persuading me otherwise...

          The biggest issue at the moment is the 'will it won't it' problem. It seems to take forever for justice to work in this country and the wait to see what's happening when rape is involved is soooooo cruel. I suppose it teaches those that have gotten themselves into a 'situation', where an accusation has resulted, to watch what the hell they are doing.

          The unfair part in your case is that this happened a long time ago and basically involves children. It's now getting brought up after such a lengthly period where your son has grown into a young man. It is extremely unfair in these circumstances.

          I can only hope, from what you have written, that the Police ARE only too aware of these people and their families and do genuinely believe that they are merely attention seeking or the likes. They still have to investigate of course but hopefully it comes to a close very shortly as you have kind of indicated.

          It is quite rare for repeated rapes, in the circumstances you've described, to take place. It can be very common in grown up relationships and between adults and children but not generally between children and children, especially two different victims. I am not saying it does not happen merely implying that it is rarer.

          Do these two girls know each other well?
          Wow... A signature option!

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by largactyl1 View Post
            Hi Denise, welcome to the forum - but sorry that you are in the position whereby you have had to find us.

            I agree with others that maybe talking to one very trusted friend might help you. If you really can't then obviously we are here for you - all of us have either been Falsely Accused or supported someone close to us.

            I supported my best friend of many years, as did my husband. It was a traumatic time and being on this forum helped so much when I was floundering and not knowing what to do to help Tony. He was NFA'd a year or so ago after being bailed and re-bailed for 4 months. He also had psychological support from our local mental health team as he was at one point suicidal. You can get in touch with them through A and E if you ever find your loved one in dire straits, or through his GP.

            If you can't talk to a friend and you are at the end of your tether TheSamaritans really help - particularly at 3 o'clock in the morning and you can't sleep with the worry.

            Kind Regards
            Jen
            I will go back to see my friend that I confided in NYE, she is a good person who is brilliant at listening. NYE we had both been drinking and I let my barriers down. But I'm also a realistic, and to some people, one person's distressing nightmare is a bit of juicy gossip to another.

            I am reading through the forum, and am astonished that historic accusations mostly go to court, my only hope is that I told the police one of the girls told me years ago her dad raped her mum yet the mum and dad were good friends still ! and the grandparents knew about it too (he denied it). Plus the same girl accused her teacher of touching her, yet within a few weeks she had beckoned him to her desk and touched his tie. Apparently he had to report this, so I really hope when the police did their school/doctors/and police checks that all the incidents were logged. (the other girl was caught shoplifting back in those days and received mental health sessions because of it)
            I live in hope it's over forever

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by lawlessone2009 View Post
              Do these two girls know each other well?
              They are sisters. Apparently, initially only one (we do not know which one, but had a terrible time with the eldest all those years ago ) went to the police (I am now thinking whether she made an off the cuff attention seeking remark to someone that's now got way out of control OR it is a revenge attack for something ongoing between me and her father (he is a non treated depressive) over our mortgage I can't get out of, (he would consider this 'battle' as a major thing in his life. When she spoke to the police she gave her account, then they interviewed her sister, who said she didn't know it happened to her sister but it happened to her. They both said they had never told anyone (the police have told us all this) When another police officer came to do another statement he told us that so far no one has come forward as a witness and therefore with no evidence and no witness, their case is thin, within a week or 2 we hear from the police that someone has come forward , we don't know if it's a young person or adult, that has said both girls told them years ago.
              I live in hope it's over forever

              Comment


              • #22
                Wow... This is some mess.

                Were you involved with their father then? Were you all staying under one roof?

                They'll be lined up to receive a whopping £22k between them so they'll be willing to get anyone and everyone to jump on the bandwagon and give a witness statement, especially with a historic case.

                The troubled pasts do seem to be in your favour of course. I have no doubts that it will all unwind but unfortunately you will be suffering a barrage just now.
                Wow... A signature option!

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by lawlessone2009 View Post
                  Wow... This is some mess.

                  Were you involved with their father then? Were you all staying under one roof?

                  They'll be lined up to receive a whopping £22k between them so they'll be willing to get anyone and everyone to jump on the bandwagon and give a witness statement, especially with a historic case.

                  The troubled pasts do seem to be in your favour of course. I have no doubts that it will all unwind but unfortunately you will be suffering a barrage just now.
                  Please don't tell me they are entitled to compensation ?
                  yes i had a 6.5 year relationship with him, he was physically abusive, he leaned on me emotionally for the whole duration of the relationship, and financially controlling, he is money orientated.

                  I have 2 sons that were are still are very very close, these 2 girls had huge sibling rivalvry from the first day I met them. But they did always used to stick together. It was very much a split step family. Me and mine and then him and his.
                  Last edited by Denise; 25 January 2012, 11:14 PM.
                  I live in hope it's over forever

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Hmm, in view of what you've just posted I'm going to hazard a guess that the 'witness' who the girls apparently told at the time was their father....or someone who he knows.
                    'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Casehardened View Post
                      Hmm, in view of what you've just posted I'm going to hazard a guess that the 'witness' who the girls apparently told at the time was their father....or someone who he knows.
                      Well, when we asked the police what the parents have said they told us both parents never suspected a thing, a recap: they approach police definitely before may 11, my son was questioned end sept 11, in nov no evidence or witness, one week after being told there's not a lot to go on a witness comes forward, they must've forgot that they told someone and by pure chance, not knowing what was apparently happening to each other, they tell the exact same person, who apparently doesn't tell anyone else
                      I live in hope it's over forever

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Hi Denise

                        It would be interesting to know whether the "witness" was an adult or a child at the time they were told of the "assaults". If it was an adult who took no action then that in itself is profoundly troubling - if a child told me that they were being repeatedly raped I would certainly report it....unless of course I didn't believe them!

                        If it was a child who was "confided in" then that smacks of "ganging up".

                        Either way, it seems very strange that the girls "told" someone who then stood by and did nothing!

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Exactly Saffron, but there was no witness between may & nov and then suddenly one came out of the woodwork ! I could honestly write a book on all this, past and present, it was the most awful time and one of the consolations of leaving this man was that I would never have to deal with his family again, yet here we are in the worst situation ever
                          I live in hope it's over forever

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Hi Denise

                            I am so sorry you find yourself going through such an ordeal. I can empathise as your experiences are not disimilar to ours. You mentioned that you could write a book on the past of your experiences with these girls. I'm not saying write a book, but start to compile a document in chronological order of anything that you can remember. You mentioned about the incident with the teacher - include everything that you can remember, even if it doesn't relate directly to you or your son. Your Solicitor will sort out what is relevant and what can be used, so don't omit anything as it could help with your defence. Previous incidents may help to undermine their credibility as witnesses too.

                            My husband and I have spent many many hours revisiting the document we have put together so don't expect to have it all there on the first attempt. Often my husband will, at the most strangest of moments, remember something else, so we add it to the document. Include anyone who may have witnessed any particular incident you note or indeed told you something which the girls might have said to them. Again if you have supporting paper evidence of anything, copy it to add to the document. Above all, keep a seperate copy of everything in a safe location.

                            From what you say, it sounds like money is their motivation. Again I can empathise as we feel that is the case with us too. We are still waiting for a CPS decision and compiling this document has not only helped me to understand a period of my husband's life before we met, but also helped us to be prepared to come out fighting should the CPS decision not go in our favour.

                            Keep posting Denise as the forum is a great place for advice and support.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Originally posted by Denise View Post
                              sorry ! lesson one learned, don't attempt this on my phone !
                              I saw a telephone number on your reply and thought you were suggesting a good solicitor nearby.
                              Southport but he works nationally. He can't do trials on public funding but his costs are very favourable against many sols who charge.
                              People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

                              PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by Saffron View Post
                                Hi Denise

                                It would be interesting to know whether the "witness" was an adult or a child at the time they were told of the "assaults". If it was an adult who took no action then that in itself is profoundly troubling - if a child told me that they were being repeatedly raped I would certainly report it....unless of course I didn't believe them!

                                If it was a child who was "confided in" then that smacks of "ganging up".

                                Either way, it seems very strange that the girls "told" someone who then stood by and did nothing!
                                I echo saffron's comment: This would be an interesting gaping hole in the case; a good question was why it was never reported in the first place; whoever is the witness will be asked why only now. I cant also believe the girls forgot they told somebody.

                                You can be amazed with how much storytelling they make; they forgot about being consistent :-) and the more they say the more you get things that will help the case.

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