Loved one accused of rape

[Browneyedgirl]

I hope it is just the stress of everything Denise rather than anything serious. It’s easy to let yourself get into that downward spiral and refuse all help, so at least he recognised himself that a trip to the doc was a good idea. It sounds like they are organising tests, so that’s a step in the right direction.

I guess his quietness is his way of dealing with it. I know that must be frustrating for you though. I ended up writing my husband a letter, just so I could get everything down that I wanted to say. His quietness was causing me so much anxiety and I felt as though I was doing all the research, evidence compiling etc and he was just ‘letting things take their course’. It turned out after a lot of talking and much crying, that he felt responsible for bringing this ordeal upon me and my children and thought by talking about it, I would become more stressed. We have to keep reminding ourselves that it is the accusers that have caused this, not us.

Is your son eating ok? Just a thought, but why not make a favourite meal of his and if he can’t come to you, take it to him and heat it up. It’d give you something else to occupy your mind for a little while, although I know the thoughts never go entirely no matter how we try and distract ourselves.

Thinking of you both. xx

[fighter]

Hi Denise, yes the quietness from our loved one is expected; they need time to think, to process things; but be there when they need to talk. :-)

Be there for things that their mind cannot seem to grasp sometimes like eating, sleeping, or whatever they need. I am very sensitive to my partner's others need; if he is hungry I took that opportunity to feed him good food; not to worry about small things (where he put his keys, and stuff for work) and he doesnt need to look. I make sure he is not stressed for small things; bills, money matters; if I can help it.

I know sometimes it is too much but that is the only thing I can help him everyday. :-)

[Denise]

We operate an open house for him, when he stays over he gets fed and he gets normality, he watches football with my OH, and his brother stays too, he's 21 next week and has asked for donations for a puppy,

I had to broach the subject of whether he could , worse case scenario part with it if he has to go away and he said he can't think that far ahead at the moment, he wants a puppy to be there for him and so he can concentrate on a little being who will be there without talking I guess, his father has agreed so I guess it's a puppy our birthday money will be going towards, seeing him smile again wil be worth it. And, I know me and OH would dog sit should the worst happen :-(


I feel terribly guilty about this situation, it was my life choices that took my children to this life that's haunting us right now, my son doesn't blame me but his dad does xx

[largactyl1]

Oh Denise, parental guilt is a total killer isn't it. It sounds as if you are doing everything to help and trying to keep everything as "normal" as possible for him
Very best wishes to you
Jen

[fighter]

oh denise, a puppy would be great. i wish i could afford to give one to my partner

[Izzy]

You could always have a look around your local cat and dog home fighter.

I did the Groupon for three months of Lovefilm unlimited for £6 and it's been brilliant for us, we watch a dvd most nights and you can stream too. It's nice to have something to take your mind off everything.

Hope your Son is ok Denise.

Izzy x

[Denise]

Thankyou everyone ,

Well, his dad now says he can only have a puppy if it sleeps with them (dad & GF) in their room, this is ridiculous, it would've been a little god send to bein my sons room with him, we're paying half so I will keep thinking up ideas so my son gets his puppy

What do you all do to keep sane(ish) ?

I play scrabble & hangman on my iPhone with friends xx

[Browneyedgirl]

I used to enjoy a really active social life, but nowdays I just haven't got the enthusiasm. When I'm not at work or sorting things out for my kids, I try to keep busy around the house and when the weather is good, take the dog on long walks.

A puppy is a great idea Denise, I'm sure you will all get alot of joy out of it.

Sending you and your son lots of good wishes and positive thoughts for tomorrow Denise. xx

[Denise]

Thankyou browneyedgirl, I will post as soon as I can tomorrow xx

[tiftaf]

Hi everyone

I have a very much loved family member who has been accused of rape "between 10 and 100 times" (we haven't yet got to read their statements so that's all we have been told)

I know he's innocent, my life was with him back then and as a family we all lived through the 'hell' of these 2 girls. The small amount we have been told we can pick out at least 3 untruths. We should be hearing this week what CPS decide, the accusers went to the police in May i think, but because the accused was not in the UK they waited until he returned then telephoned him asking him to come in for questioning, which he did the next day, that was back in the 3rd week of Sept 11, he was released on bail and has since been bailed twice more until end of Feb, but police say we should hear this week if it is going to court or not. I have only told one friend, and some family members about this, my boss knows but nobody else. I have since lost friends because I've removed myself from everyone because Im an honest person, and by not talking about it to people, I would rather avoid than lie to them. Plus I'm a constant bundle of nerves, I struggle to cope with it all. My loved one is such a nice person, a joker, but not at all nasty, persuasive, or controlling or threatening. Yet the 2 accusers made our life hell for the time we knew them. We have been told that if it does go to court, we can expect it to take between 6-12 months to start. I haven't been to the doctor, I keep trying so hard to keep going strong, to be there for him and to show him, whatever the outcome, I know he's innocent, and will always remain so special to me. The police told us not to talk to people about it, because people pre judge.

As far as we have been told, there's no evidence, and no witnesses, and they didn't even tell each other, yet suddenly, in November, someone came forward for them and said they had both talked to this person when it was happening. Lots of flaws so far, and that is without seeing their statements, just by questions the police kept asking us. They said it happened when all involved were aged between 8 and 14

Hi Denise. I am so sorry to read your post. I have entered what is the living nightmare of false allegations. What really depresses me is that after research I have found that its noted that rape is the easiest of crimes to suggest. It's broke my heart that I am in this situation knowing full well that my partner is innocent. Last Wednesday my life was thrown into turmoil and honestly, it's like someone has died the way I feel. Time just merges into one. It's devastating. But forums like this help us all! I will be thinking of you and praying. ((hugs)) Stay strong. x

[Izzy]

Hope you get some sleep tonight Denise and I echo Browneyed girl in wishing you and your Son lot's of good wishes and positive thoughts tomorrow.

Izzy xxx

[Denise]

Hi Denise. I am so sorry to read your post. I have entered what is the living nightmare of false allegations. What really depresses me is that after research I have found that its noted that rape is the easiest of crimes to suggest. It's broke my heart that I am in this situation knowing full well that my partner is innocent. Last Wednesday my life was thrown into turmoil and honestly, it's like someone has died the way I feel. Time just merges into one. It's devastating. But forums like this help us all! I will be thinking of you and praying. ((hugs)) Stay strong. x

Hi and welcome

I'm so sorry that you and your partner have to go through this too, it is hell and the emotions I go through, like you, I've realised these are all the emotions we do go through when we are bereft,

It hurts so bad doesn't it? It's so unfair how one persons sick mind can destroy other people's lives

I sometimes feel I'm a broken record if I talk about it to the few who know, this forum
With the most kind hearted members have been brilliant to me and as much as I want our nightmare over with I so hope I can one day be of comfort to members on here,

I really hope your dreams, and everyone else's, come true and we can once again lead our quiet peaceful lives like before they were ripped apart xx

[Denise]

Hope you get some sleep tonight Denise and I echo Browneyed girl in wishing you and your Son lot's of good wishes and positive thoughts tomorrow.

Izzy xxx

Thankyou Izzy that means so much to me xxx

[Faith]

I really hope you manage to get your son a puppy. my kittens have really helped me through my situation.

And while it's a normal feeling to have, you are not to blame for your son's predicament, Denise.

[Denise]

I agree we all need something to take our minds of our situations even if it's for a short while xx