Contact with your accuser after NFA

[123]

I would like to hear from you guys about having contact with your accuser after the police have NFA'd. Interested in all your stories, in particular those where the accusers were false, how do they react, behave ?

This is NOT about contacting the Accuser before NFA - That would be breach of Bail and unwise !!!

After NFA I understand that I am a free man and may contact her if I wish, knock on her front door if I wish,

My first question is about police advise on this, the OIC in my case said I could do what I wanted and it was up to me and her yet everyone else advises different, have you been advised the same or differently ???

thanks

[RFLH]

why would you want to? Sheer madness, you'd end up with a harassment order at the very least I would have thought.

Stay away is my advice.

[Saffron]

I'm with RFLH on this. What do you want to say to her?

[fighter]

i wouldn't take the police's word. It is easy for him to say it is up to you. But if the girl comes back to the police station and he was on duty; I wont be surprised if he is the one to arrest you. They can say many things as well as the case is rubbish and still charge you. It goes the same to "it depends on you"use to contact your accr.

[123]

I'm with RFLH on this. What do you want to say to her?

I DONT want to talk to her - just interested in stories of people that had/have spoken to an FA after NFA if there are any.

[fighter]

After NFA I understand that I am a free man and may contact her if I wish, knock on her front door if I wish,

I think the NFA does not go well with .."may contact her if I wish, knock on her front door if I wish" line.

I have read through these threads and have not encountered stories of the accused contacting the accuser again. Let us see if you get some reply to this.

[marynarz]

Good question but...

NFA is't the same as NOT GUILTY.
You have to read more about NFA. If you have NFA then it doesn't mean that the case is closed (for the police ) Please correct me if Im wrong.
So if you wanna talk to her, then you can try. But Im sure that she will go to the police and will say something more...

But what about contacting with FA if you are NOT GUILTY after the trial?

[LS]

I don't think anyone in their right mind has gone the route of having intentional contact with their FA.

For a start, she could claim harassment and that alone may be enough to make the NFA'd case a bit stronger. Strong enough to revisit.

[123]

Point Taken !!!

[lawlessone2009]

Personally I wouldn't go anywhere near her.

If you find yourself in the same room/building as her I would leave.

Why would anyone want to reopen themselves to the possibilities of further charges. If the accuser is willing to cry rape then what else are they capable off?

It could also be the extra detail that not only arises in a harassment charge but also provides some new evidence in order to proceed with the otherwise abandoned rape charge.

You need to be careful for the rest of your life, one further accusation and you'll find yourself in crown court with a jury deciding your fate.

[123]

Lawlessone

Yes, you are absolutely right !! We have to be very careful near any woman, not only the accuser.

Please remember that I only got my NFA a couple of days ago and emotions have been all over the place.

At first I did want to talk to her, of course I want answers, its natural to want to know why another person would want to hurt you. We would be the same if we were falsely accused of any crime.

You see, I kept telling myself all along that ""I am a good judge of character, I know this girl well, its not something she would do or be able to go through with"" and if I could just talk to her it would bring closure to the whole thing - Well I dont anymore - The FACT is that I am a **** JUDGE OF CHARACTER, because I misjudged her, underestimated her, the malice and vindictiveness in her !!!!

Moving on, I have listened to all my friends on and off this forum and the decision is to follow this advice.

We dont live far from each other and do not have mutual friends. So I do hope that we dont bump into each other - ever.

If I find myself in the same room/building as her I would leave immediately. If I see her in the street (I wiould probably freeze) I will run in the opposite direction and make a note in my phone of the date, time and place.

You are all right, very right. I have to settle for the NFA and my knowledge that she was never really taken seriously as all the closure I will ever get. NFA to NC will be good too if I can and that will have to be that.

I am so fortunate that the time from arrest to NFA was so short and I was accused by a blatent silly liar who didnt think this through. That was my good fortune and I intend to take heed of that as a stern warning!!!

Lots of you are repeatedly telling me to keep away - thank you and keep drumming it in if you wish, its for my own good. Really I do get it now !!!

It has to follow that anyone that has been Falsely Accused can forget that they are a good judge of character, clever, have good instincts etc. These qualities have been challenged in the most robust fashion and we have to question those qualities we believe we had.

My thoughts on women have now changed, In the past I have never acted badly with a woman with regard to sex but have just mixed with them normally, never ruling out the idea of consenting sex at the earliest oppertunity.

At the moment I have no desire to go near any woman, time is a great healer and that may or may not change, I think in future I will be a more selective and careful.
A few minutes of pleasure is just not worth it !!!

On the other hand I do have too look at myself too, and look hard !!! I can be certain that the FA had sex with me that night and would have gone on to have more sex in the future, a six year pattern leads me to think that, that night she was fine after sex, as I say she sat there with me ready to spend the night.
I know, that although I did not break any laws I did say things that I should not have, should not have pissed her off - not any one !!!

I make no mistake that my Verbal Assault on her and her dignity, her having to leave on christmas eve in a taxi with no underwear and a short dress (I did not realise that untill the police told me) That is not good behaviour hence I have to know and accept that it was MY behaviour that caused her to want to hurt me. I didnt realise at the time and things were heated but that is what has happened. If I dont learn to control my mouth than who is to say I will not bring this upon myself again.

If I want to be a good person, a better person, a better friend then this the road I need to be on.

She will know all this, look at me talking about contacting her - She wont want to speak to me either, I probably said enough to make her hate me. We both did wrong that night, lets slip into her shoes for a while, she was unable to fight back verbally because I probably just talked over her and drowned her out then told her to leave. No doubt she wanted to physically hurt me but she is a petite woman and she was unable to, so she did what she could to hurt me as I verbally did to her.

There always has to be a motive for any allegation, the man on the street, the police, judges and juries will always ask this question, just as I would. No smoke without fire - this was hers and I gave it to her.

Thinking this way, and this I believe is the right, decent, humane way to think, I see the error in my behaviour and I for one am glad that I have seen it and will change that.

[B]I must add that verbally abusing a woman does not give her the right to try and get a man sent to prison for years and put him on the sex register, ruin the chances of his children getting an education, financially bankrupt him and more. I am not making light of these allegations in any way - VERY WRONG what she did, these would be her reasons for acting out of character.

In legal terms I didn't break the law that night but she did and that was wrong of her and she has to learn from this too - She too mis judged me and my mouth. She got what she wanted, what I have gone through is punishment enough for me to learn.

There are always 2 sides to a story.

All you men out there, accused or not, take heed. Learn some self discipline, treat women with respect. If you cant say something good then dont say anything, never make a woman feel as though she has been used. Dont hang about in unhappy relationships, If you end up in one night stands be very careful, get consent and some proof of it - you are required by law to do so !!! Get into affectionate relationships that have the ingredients to turn into loving ones.

To the women - yes you may want to seek revenge but this is not the way, if you cry wolf then that will leave a mark on you too. Heaven forbid you may one day be genuinely raped and you could be sent to prison.
Regret is never reason to hurt someone this way, you need to deal with your own issues first.

Contacting my FA is not an issue anymore.

[lawlessone2009]

You no longer need to explain yourself or justify your actions from that night. I'd forget about it all but learn the lesson.

You were extremely lucky to receive a 'NFA' in such short time. The 'fair and just' legal system seems to like to prolong the agony for as long as possible, destroying many peoples lives in the interim. If there is a next time it won't be so quick.

The other problem that may exist now is if the accuser actually ever does get raped. Not only do you have a marker against your name but so does she. A real rapist may now get off due to her unhelpful and spiteful way of dealing with the incident you found yourself at the centre off.

I understand you wanting 'closure' on the subject but that is one thing you can never ever expect the justice system in Britain to deliver. If you were to have been found guilty you'd have spent your life on a stupid and pointless 'register' and even now that you have been 'NFA'd' the case never truly closes. The only solution is trial with a Not Guilty verdict but even that no longer means that the case is closed.

Justice? What ducking justice? Britain doesn't know the meaning of the word!

[RFLH]

I'm pleased that you are to change - just a shame its been done in such a way. It seems to gave been a wake up call for you and if it makes you treat women kindly - so much the better.

Its a bit of a shocker when you take a good hard look at yourself and see the real you - certainly was when I looked deeper at me!!

[Faith]

These things are always very good wake up calls and often make you change the way you are

Anybody lurking in this thread or reading it with thoughts of retaining contact with their accuser should abolish all thoughts immediately. I know of a case where the accused was NFA'd and the accuser came to apologise and said that she was made to lie. He forgave her, befriended her again and surprise surprise...he was whacked with another, and much worse accusation months later.

Keep away!

[Izzy]

Just wanted to add something that I was told by someone in the legal profession..

Someone who had been accused of rape was contacted by their accuser to ' come and talk and sort things out ' after the case had been dropped. He went to her house and had only been there a few minutes when the police turned up and she accused him of threatening and assaulting her. She had set him up good and proper.

Take care,

Izzy