Relationships

[fighter]

yes lifesnotfair, I agree with RFLH, focus on your problem first; it will distract you from worrying about him 24/7.

Also I dont agree that relationship can be measured by how many times you see each other. My partner and I wasnt seeing each other every week for a year; it was more like once a month or even six months but the relationship is still there. Maybe you need to ease up on him also and concentrate on your things. :-)It will not help both of you if you are always worrying and thinking about him.

[lifesnotfair]

Yes. You're all right. I need to sort myself out.

Thanks everybody. x

[Joan1978]

Hi lifesnotfair,

I will apologise now as i dont have any answers like some of the amazing people that have replied to you over the past week or so !!

I am in a similar situation though, i feel lost and confused and unable to help and and i know as awful as this sounds, i have taken comfort in the fact im not alone!!! Short version of my story is he cheated on me and she has now said he raped her, even though i want to kill him i know a million percent he didnt attack her so standing by him through this. But the relationship has taken a beating, i try to be so strong around him but its 5am every morning my mind starts to imagine everything and anything and the dread hits. He was charged 3 weeks ago and it was only friday when he saw a new solicitor did it sink in what was happening and that he had to fight this with all his might and it has been awful to watch this out going, fun lad go to a shell. He sits quietly most nights and doesnt speak and i feel bad as i cant seem to bring him out of it because im in a bad place dealing with the shock of it all and the cheating but as some one said previously sometimes you have got to look after yourself and be selfish plus you have to give them time and space and they will come round also!!!

From what i have read you are doing great and coming on here will give you comfort and support when your having a bad day and use this forum for that, dont feel bad a lone, if you dont want to talk to your friends than talk to your new friends on here because bottling it up doesnt get you anywhere !!!!

Sending big hugs, really hope you are feeling a little better than you did before xxx

[lifesnotfair]

Thank you Joan 1978. I'm sorry you're going through a similar thing. I think the worst thing is knowing that they are innocent of any attack.

It has definitely helped airing my worries on here. I've given myself space this weekend and done a bit of distancing myself. Sometimes I think the weekends are the worst for me, because of the money situation I don't go out anywhere or do anything and as you'll all probably agree, it's when you have hours on your hands that you can think too much. I'll be glad to get back to work tomorrow.

Love x

[fighter]

I am with you there lifesnotfair about the money situation just making it worse for us. I hope you can find some solution to your problems so it will also make you feel a lot better; more hopeful. hang in there.. it is monday again tomorrow.

[Faith]

Thank you Joan 1978. I'm sorry you're going through a similar thing. I think the worst thing is knowing that they are innocent of any attack.

It has definitely helped airing my worries on here. I've given myself space this weekend and done a bit of distancing myself. Sometimes I think the weekends are the worst for me, because of the money situation I don't go out anywhere or do anything and as you'll all probably agree, it's when you have hours on your hands that you can think too much. I'll be glad to get back to work tomorrow.

Love x

There are still many ways you can fill your weekend without breaking the bank. Someone mentioned above having a long soak in a bath. Take in a light book and relax. Have friends round, club together for a bottle of wine between you.
You say putting your thoughts down on here helps you. have you ever considered doing some writing? You wrote a letter and that comforted you so I think this may be something for you. I do a lot of writing and not necessarily about the 'situation'
Write poetry, short stories, enter competitions.
What about trying some art? Put pencil to paper and see what happens.
Get one of your DVD boxsets out and have some time to yourself. A comedy might be good...nothing depressing! Can you visit family?
Having some 'sort outs' (ie going through your clothes collection) can also be therapeutic and make you feel as if you are doing something productive.

What RFLH said before is pretty much spot on: you can't always be thinking of someone else. This is affecting you too and you need to look after yourself.
We are always here.

[Joan1978]

Time on your hands isn't fun, mine is always in the middle of the night but i have found some interesting tv programmes that i now watch haha Faith is right, there are so many things you can do cheaply, i spend hours reading books on anything and everything just so i can lose myself into that world for a while as it does help !!!

And it is all very hard, dont know how you get through it but people do as a lot are on this forum still helping us get through it now.. Just one day at a time, bad days are horrific but good days outshine the bad and i try to have more good that bad, by getting out of bed thinking positive things and nice big cup of tea haha tea makes everything seem so much better for some reason..

Hope your feeling ok x

[RFLH]

you can only do it a day at a time - there are some weird programmes on tv in the night - just keep away from the shopping channels, you really don't need a jar that cooks pasta .....