Will it ever be the same again?
No.
I'm accused of rape and I am changing. It's extremely scary. My thoughts race all over the place with little to no set patterns. Mood swings go from joy to complete rage at the drop of a hat. There are days where I literally want to cry my eyeballs out but know that if I start I simply won't stop.
I've be through the belief that maybe I suffered some kind of 'black out' and did commit the crime I am accused of. I've thought and thought and thought about every conceivable angle of attack and defence and run a thousand court cases through my mind. I know that I am not going to do well on the stand but equally I know that I did not commit 'oral rape'. It just isn't my 'thing'.
I have no escape from my partner for 'space'. I've tried explaining it to her but she just doesn't get it. I can't go anywhere as my bail stops me going to my parents which is the escape I've been using for years (1 night a week or every other week). I don't even have a date although apparently they have until November this year to put a trial in motion...
I can fully understand your partner needing space and I believe that in the long term giving him that space will help to prevent him rejecting you when it's all over. I'm really struggling with the resentment that is building in me every day that my partner doesn't give me space. I love her but I really can't talk with her just now. The accusation is breaking me, I know I won't be the same ever again and I haven't even been as far as a trial yet.
A guilty verdict from a jury and god only knows what happens. In some ways I feel that I would then get the 'space' that I crave so badly just now because I know if I don't go to jail my partner is only going to attempt to tighten her grip and restrict my life even more. I'm not saying I had a particularly free time before but I did treasure having the chance to miss her and my youngster if even for one night. I know jail changes that perspective but the alternatives to me just now are up and running away from my partner and youngster.
Space is paramount!
I wish dearly I had it right now... Instead I get a deadly and accusing silence. I can't even talk about the accusation with my partner as I genuinely believe that she doesn't believe it's going anywhere and so is not worth discussing. She also says I repeat myself too often... Hell, rape is a four letter word but it is one of the most damaging words in the English bloody dictionary! I'd rather get accused of murder.
No.
I'm accused of rape and I am changing. It's extremely scary. My thoughts race all over the place with little to no set patterns. Mood swings go from joy to complete rage at the drop of a hat. There are days where I literally want to cry my eyeballs out but know that if I start I simply won't stop.
I've be through the belief that maybe I suffered some kind of 'black out' and did commit the crime I am accused of. I've thought and thought and thought about every conceivable angle of attack and defence and run a thousand court cases through my mind. I know that I am not going to do well on the stand but equally I know that I did not commit 'oral rape'. It just isn't my 'thing'.
I have no escape from my partner for 'space'. I've tried explaining it to her but she just doesn't get it. I can't go anywhere as my bail stops me going to my parents which is the escape I've been using for years (1 night a week or every other week). I don't even have a date although apparently they have until November this year to put a trial in motion...
I can fully understand your partner needing space and I believe that in the long term giving him that space will help to prevent him rejecting you when it's all over. I'm really struggling with the resentment that is building in me every day that my partner doesn't give me space. I love her but I really can't talk with her just now. The accusation is breaking me, I know I won't be the same ever again and I haven't even been as far as a trial yet.
A guilty verdict from a jury and god only knows what happens. In some ways I feel that I would then get the 'space' that I crave so badly just now because I know if I don't go to jail my partner is only going to attempt to tighten her grip and restrict my life even more. I'm not saying I had a particularly free time before but I did treasure having the chance to miss her and my youngster if even for one night. I know jail changes that perspective but the alternatives to me just now are up and running away from my partner and youngster.
Space is paramount!
I wish dearly I had it right now... Instead I get a deadly and accusing silence. I can't even talk about the accusation with my partner as I genuinely believe that she doesn't believe it's going anywhere and so is not worth discussing. She also says I repeat myself too often... Hell, rape is a four letter word but it is one of the most damaging words in the English bloody dictionary! I'd rather get accused of murder.
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