Accused of Rape - Date Rape as some say.

[Saffron]

123, we understand that you are angry, and you have every right to be.
But please try to calm down. Your posts are sounding agitated and a little confrontational and we don't want anyone to take offence at what you say. Please read back what you have written before you post it and consider how it might affect others.
This is a highly emotive subject and our job as moderators is to make sure we keep posts as supportive and reasonable as possible.

[Saffron]

Just human Hurley, just human.

[fighter]

yes hurley, we are never the bad persons here.. just human to want revenge definitely. my partner's case has gone to court and that is even worse to handle, even if he is found not guilty.

[hurley11]

My thoughts are with you, they really are.

I am so shocked at the system, the "victims" rights, the accused has none it seems.

It made me ill in those dark months, and as a close friend said to me recently...
"your still not well, are you?
I'm not, it's going to take time.

My case never went that far, i can't imagine what i would have done if it had.
Probably got by on the fantastic support i recieved.

Good luck to you all x

[fighter]

thanks hurley. You would be more bitter and more angry it i has passed on to court. Because with court it is a different level, there is always risk. You dont have to put your life on risk now (at the hands of 12 jury member).

Indeed it is so unfair.. but one thing that helped me cope is to look around me; some people are let off easy; some longer and some lose more than we did. We are lucky, we do not have kids yet who could be taken off us; or might require my partner to move out of the house; or my partner didnt lose his job or get suspended and that nobody believes he could have done such thing and most importantly the accuser was so quiet about the allegations (so strange) that we dont get harassment from people about it. We grasp at every positive thing we can think of to survive this or else one day my partner could just give up and do something silly; and if he did I would understand too because we are all just human.

[Casehardened]

I asked the OIC if i could get this mess NC, he said no, as what NFA really meant was that the case was still open, and if any other evidence came up in the future i could be charged!

I understand that the situation is that the police will not currently look for further evidence in this case but if say, you were falsely accused by someone else, (or if, heaven forbid, you did actually rape someone else) then the case would certainly be reopened on the basis that you would have to be very unlucky to be FA'd twice by two different women.

Anyone FA'd has to tread on eggshells around women for the rest of their life and, in this sense as you said, your life has changed forever.

[123]

Fighter

This not anger, honestly it is not. Felix, and now you have suggested that I go down the path of NFA to NC. We can worry about PCJ at a later date if and when I get that far.

I am now looking for guidance on that and trying to get case files from the cps/police. I regard that as a project that I ought to take on for the final bit of closure and it is led not by anger but a desire to clear my name the best I can.

I have said that I am self critical too in an earlier post, I did piss her off and she did something stupid in a moment of madness, ok she went too far. We do not know that she did not go to the police the next day and do the decent thing - then I would be upset at the police for not telling me - We Do Not Know hence no anger here.

My heart goes to those being tortured for months and I do take that into account - Yes it appears that I got off very lightly, I also realise that she took her best shot and quite likely she was not believed from the initial stages (just 11 days bail of which the OIC was off duty for at least 4)

When I was first arrested and detained I was worried but as the interview went on the worries went away, the DC and WPC were nice to me, very talkative about working on Xmas day and other chit chat, they asked questions and I gave long answers that I knew would be reasonable and believeable with all the other evidence they could possibly have, I never felt uncomfortable for a moment, there were no tricky questions or contradictions whatsoever, when her version was read out to me I made a point of mentioning evidence that they should look at on video, this would make it difficult for them not to. I told them that they should look in my bedroom (a room she didnt enter that night) and they would find her blood on my duvet - that made them sit up and listen, then I explained how that got there on a previous occasion - another 2 Lies exposed if she said that she had not been here before or in my bedroom, or that she hadnt had sex with me before. I mentioned a few stories that she had told me about her being on pubwatch and girls starting fights with her (never her fault) all this stuff is checkable. I indiacated that we were friends with benefits for the last 6 years and I look her up only when I am not seeing anyone else, sometimes I would not speak to her for a year, she knows all this. Recently she spoke of "getting together" and I told that could be a possibility if she started eating properly, get a job and started mix with normal decent people. Not sit at home wallowing. She has always said that she had arrangements to go on a course, do voluntry work (benefit culture) then nothing would come of it - more lies i suppose.
The only time I felt that I was being doubted was when we were talking about the row afterwards - they already know that the girl can row !! There the WPC did ask again and again about me getting angry, that must have made you angry - Consenting sex had taken place and was finished, done and we were now partially clothed sat at the dining table again and had time to smoke a cigarette, does it matter who got angry and who didnt - In fact it was my words that made her flip a bit then I told her to leave.
Straight after the interview the DC told me that they would probably release me in maybe 30 mins to 2 hours, just depending on a couple of enquiries, he said he wanted to be home by 4pm too. I took that to mean that they would now have to ask her about irregularities and ask for explanations.
Within 15 minutes they came to photo my back, that too was reinforcement that this was going nowhere, he told me straight that would prove or disprove an allegation and the reason that they needed pics of my back is because she had said she struggled. Then he told me that I would be released shortly and I was. The writing was always on the wall. I was quite positive that day and even said to the DC that I was confident. It was a few days later when I started reading about the law change in 2004 and false accusers and appeals thats where the worries started.

The reality is that this forum is great, wealth of information but other peoples nightmares, being charged with little or no evidence, stories of bad convictions and jail do have an undesired effect on those waiting their decision, I understand that these stories are helpful too and am not against them. The point I make is that these stories quite rightly so did worry me and that leads to some anger. If there was no internet around I would have laughed at her allegation knowing that she had messed up big time. When I got home they had fingerprinted cups and glasses - that too was positive for me - never her. That was a surprise. That is when it starts to sink in shortly afterwards that day I started talking it all through with my sister and nephew in my house.

Anger is here no more for me, she must feel some humiliation - now all I need to do is the NC thing and maybe thinkabout PCoJ at some point.

[123]

Safron

123, we understand that you are angry, and you have every right to be.
But please try to calm down. Your posts are sounding agitated and a little confrontational and we don't want anyone to take offence at what you say. Please read back what you have written before you post it and consider how it might affect others.
This is a highly emotive subject and our job as moderators is to make sure we keep posts as supportive and reasonable as possible.

I assume that you refer to post 52, if so please refer to post 57 where I have apologised.

If you refer to any others then please advise and I will look at them again.

Again, I am not agited just had a little rant there. I am here to get help and give something back too if and when I can. If you feel I am wrong please feel free to say so just as you have above.

Apologies to anyone that thought any of my posts may have been unhelpful

[Saffron]

Thanks 123.
Please do keep us up to date on your quest to have the situation No Crimed as it could prove extremely useful to other members.

[123]

Safron

Re NC

Yes Safron I intend to, it was never my purpose to come to this forum and take, take, without putting something back.

At the moment I am still waiting for my NFA Document, all I have at the moment is a verbal confirmation that "No Further Action will be take due to insufficient evedence" and a handwritten note on headed notepaper that "Bail has been cancelled. You do not need to attend xx police station as previously instructed.

He could not give me the printed document because their servers were down and he has not responded to a text asking for it.

After reading todays posts re the "extraordinary short time to NFA - there maybe something you dont know" it now makes me wonder if he is holding it back (paranoid or what) - who knows maybe they are not sure what to write on it.... or would that decision have already been taken ???

IF they were pursueing her then would they not tell me ???

Police Servers going down - Unable to print - Dodgy ???

More paranoia - bear with me on this .........
When he phoned me to tell me it was NFA, i asked his advice about contacting the girl and the best way around it he said that was up to me and her, yet everyone else, without exception has said "DONT - NEVER" without exception !!! Is this standard advice ??? (new thread on this perhaps?)

[fighter]

why do you want to contact the girl? If you piss her off again she can go back to the police and give more lies. And as part of the process, the police would have to be duty bound to act on it.

[Saffron]

I would suggest steering well clear of her. In fact I'm not sure why you would want to contact this piece of scum. She's already lied about being raped once, and could easily do it again. Although you have been NFAd (I'll come to that bit later) the case will still lie on file and if she produces further "evidence" it could very easily be re-opened. Do you have mutual friends who would make it difficult to avoid her?

Re: the NFA in writing, well it is entirely possible that the server could be down. I used to work for a major blue-chip company and the IT issues we had were diabolical. I would suggest the the OIC hasn't responded to your text because as far as he's conerned the case is closed and it is no longer a priority. However I completely understand your paranoia. Maybe you could go down to the station in question with the handwritten note and ask for a formal one. I would recommend ringing first though, so that you are not hanging around for ages.

[123]

Safron - Fighter

Steady on !!!

I was querying the OIC advise, I expected him to give me the same advise as when he bailed me.

I said that I asked the OIC his advise on contacting her, bear in mind I got the NFA news just seconds before and was all over the place wanting answers - you can imagine.

Since that I have spoken to many people and evert one has said NO - NEVER.

Yes of course I want to speak to her and get answers, that is natural BUT common sense, friends and family tell me not to hence I will not.

I see it like this -

If I dont contact her then I can be 100% sure that she will not hurt me again
If I do then I do not have that guarantee - Not a good Idea - who knows what emotions that could fuel, heaven forbid could end up slapping her and back to square one.

So NO means NO here too !!!

[RFLH]

Bit of a stupid question to ask then really.

[123]

Bit of a stupid question to ask then really.

"Stupid" - thats harsh !!! made me laugh tho.....

Put it another way, Police should not be telling NFA's its ok to contact the FA, surely there is a moral / ethic / good advise to the public code they should follow