Charged with rape but innocent - please help with any advice you can give

[fighter]

Hugs Joan, I cannot imagine what you are feeling right now after what your partner told you. At least he told you before it goes any further; without you finding it out during the trial. Hang in there!

[RFLH]

ok, he cheated - but that's not the main issue - he's still being falsely accused. Fight that and her.

[fighter]

yup I have to add, cheating is not deserving of years in prison. The girl also consented!

[Saffron]

Joan, I have been exactly where you are now. It's devastating, I know and my heart goes out to you. I am very glad that he told the police the truth though, otherwise he would be in deep deep trouble.

Something you said really strikes a chord with me though. YOU are the only one who should be allowed to judge him on this indiscretion. Not her, not the police, not the courts.

I stood by my hubby because that is precisely what I felt. The only person who should have been allowed to judge/punish him was Me.

Hugs

[Joan1978]

Thanks everyone, makes me feel a lot better.. I know im doing the right thing but its very hard at the moment especially as hes lied for so long so theres a lot of anger but i do understand why he didnt tell me, dont think i would have in his shoes !!!

RFLH thats exactly how i feel, i need to deal with the fact he isnt a rapist end of. Hes a cheating rat but that's not something that needs to be dragged through the courts, i want to punish him and scream at him and instead i have a million different things to deal with and a court case to prepare for.. Going to get through this together and stand by him and then decide where our relationship is and the decision will be mine if i stay or leave, not having anyone dictate to me. Its good (clearly not good in that sense, but you know what i mean!!!) to see so many people have been and our in this position and im not stupid or alone in what im doing !!!!!!

x

[RFLH]

in my case I stood by mine for him to cheat afterwards, so there's no telling what will happen in life, we are now happily divorced!

Deal with things one at a time - you never know it may bring you closer together.

Just realised that its made two Dolly Parton songs - Stand by Your Man and D.I.V.O.R.C.E !!!

[Joan1978]

Hahahaha RLFH thats just made me smile, thats the second time today the first been Kazzarats news !! How rude of your husband to cheat when you stood by him the first time though, no wonder your happily divorced!!!

I just have to get through the court then deal with what ever happens, he knows i am standing by him for this but with regards the relationship who knows its on hold for the time been in away and will deal with it when we get the not guilty verdict (fingers crossed!!)

x

[Rights Fighter]

RFLH thats exactly how i feel, i need to deal with the fact he isnt a rapist end of. Hes a cheating rat but that's not something that needs to be dragged through the courts,
x

This will be dragged through the courts. One awkward question counsel for the Crown is likely to ask you is "how well do you know your husband Mrs X?"

You'll probably say something along the lines of "I know him inside out, really well, been married yonks etc etc etc"

He will ask: "Well you didn't know about the affair did you?" You don't know him very well at all do you? So how can you tell this jury that you know he didn't rape the victim?"

[RFLH]

sad but true - I meant she could deal with him after the case.

[NOHOPE]

my reply to that question wopuld of been yes i do know my husband and no i didnt know about the affair but as you came to arrest him 3 hours later he didnt get the chance to tell me anything.

i suppose they would rip me apart some how would they
think i should not be a witness

[Joan1978]

Rights fighter that's what I'm thinking, when I said it shouldn't be dragged through the courts I meant cheating isn't a crime for law courts normally if you cheated you wouldn't end up in front of a judge!!!

I know I'm going to be torn apart, but I know him an yes he's a liar and I can't believe what he says but I just know he hasn't forced himself on her!! The only thing I'm clingin to is that the doors where open what they did was calculated so I wouldn't hear if they'd have had sex or he had forced himself on her I'd have heard as the bed it happened on is broken and I'd have heard noise of itplus she said she screamed for help!!!

This is a horrid mess he's made worse by lying to me but I just know he hasn't attacked her x

[Saffron]

There is a legal defence to this. I can't remember the name of it, but your barrister should ask the judge to direct the jury as follows (I am saying this in very basic terms!)

"Innocent people do tell lies. The fact that he lied to his wife does not mean that he is a rapist"

Ask your sol about it. xx

[Joan1978]

Saffron you are a star, thanks for that advise. Will right that on my list for the solicitor!!! X

[Rights Fighter]

Saffron, I think you are referring to the "Lucas Direction" where a defendant appears to have lied to the police, in interview or has lied to the police. The judge can then direct the jury that the def may have been scared, stressed, it could be an honest mistake or there may have been a simple reason (if one was given he has to remind the jury of it).....

When it comes to lying to his wife then it's a free for all and there is nothing that can be done about that in relation to a direction from the judge. All the judge would do is repeat what the def said about that.

This comes under the "Awkward Questions" that you need to prepare yourself for. There is no way out of it and all you can do is tell the truth about it.

Saying "well it was only a short time ago and he hadn't had the chance to confess to me" is not really an acceptable answer unless the intercourse occurred a very short while before (hours before) and that it only happened the once.


The barrister can only address this sort of deception in his closing speech. It is not for the judge to direct the jury on it.

[Saffron]

Oh OK, sorry. I remember the judge using this direction in our case because R initially denied any direct contact with his accuser, and later changed his statement to say that he had touched her genitals. There were a number of reasons for him doing this, the main one being that 2 days after the "incident" it was my sister's wedding. This was being held at my M&D's house; we were doing the catering ourselves; it was a HUGE family event. I was the bridesmaid and our son was the pageboy. R panicked that he would be remanded and therefore ruin the wedding. He knew he hadn't had sex with the accuser, so he lied and denied everything. Stupid I know, but entirely understandable under the circumstances.

Joan, He didn't tell me that he had been accused of rape for 12 weeks. I knew something was wrong, but I assumed it was the usual stresses of life - money, work, etc. He had been suspended from his job as the accuser was a work colleague, and he still would get up each morning, put on a suit and drive off. After a while he stopped doing this, and would still be in bed when I left for work each day. His job involved lots of travel and strange hours, so I assumed that was why he was sleeping late every day. Looking back I was incredibly naive.

Eventually I thought he was having an affair and confronted him. He then told me what had happened, but denied that he had touched her. I was doubtful, but chose to believe him. I only found out what had really happened after he was charged and I read both his and her statements. Gutted? Yes, but not as gutted as I was that he was being dragged through the legal system for a crime he didn't commit.

The prosecution used this in court against us - "he was so ashamed that he couldn't even tell his wife" and that sort of thing. Actually, the reason he didn't tell me was because the allegations were so preposterous that he genuinely thought he wouldn't be charged and that there would ultimately be no need to tell me.

I appear to have hijacked your thread - sorry. I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you are going through, and my thoughts are with you xx