Mumsinastate

[Mumsinastate]

My son is 23 and has been arrested and is on bail for rape and I feel so lost and alone needless to say he didn't do it they were a couple for 3 months she has bi polar I don't know why she's doing it I am living a bubble and nothing seems real anymore

[fighter]

hi mumsinastate, welcome to the forum and sorry that you have to be here for that reason. You are not alone, if you read through the past threads, many are thrown in this situation undeservingly. Reading through the forum will help learn about the situation, this has been an unfamiliar situation for most of us at the beginning, but the forum has been helpful in terms of providing advise on what could be done on different stages of this process; how people cope with them; and knowing whether you have a good duty solicitor or not.

Hang in there, hopefully your case will be one of those No further action.

[LS]

Welcome

First thing, you need to secure any and all evidence you have relating to this girl, so if she's sent you or your son any emails, texts or IMs then get them copied and stored on a memory stick or CD and give it to friends to look after.
The reason being that police will often come looking for your son's computer and phone in this type of accusation, and they'll seize anything else which might aid their case.

Note I said "aid their case." Taking the only copy of something you/he may rely on in court (and then losing it) comes under that heading, so be warned.

You could try to find out what her motive is for doing this, but it could be pointless, as the reason could be she got found out by her parents that she was sexually active, or it could just be anything from it being mentioned in an argument to, well anything.

You need to be aware that this could go on for many many months before the police and cps decide to charge or drop the matter. Six to nine months isn't unheard of.
Unfortunately most of us grew up believing that the police were the last line of defence against malicious claims, and that they would sift out the false allegations from the true ones, but the reality is that the police of today regard ALL allegations as true, and the only thing the police do is collect anything which will give a conviction.

This means that if there is evidence which proves your son's innocence, although it sounds logical to bring it to the attention of the police and say "here, look" the reality is that they will not be interested and, given the chance, will lose it. Because losing something which helps your case vastly helps theirs.

For the moment you need to try to live life as normally as possible - the stress is unbearable if you let it take over - and if anything from this girl arrives on your computer, get copies of it. The same goes for any phone calls.
I hope that helps, but keep coming here if only to vent, but you're not alone, thankfully.

[Saffron]

Great advice from LS.
I can't add anything, but wanted to say Welcome

[gem]

hi
if your son has a face book account, he must have had conversations with her on facebook, see where that leads, or get your son to check her conversations to see what that brings up, eg was their a day and time the alleged rape took place. check her account see what she was up to at that time,it all helps like LS said gather your evidence. i am a mother who.s son got found guilty and i am evidence gathering for my son.s appeal. it is amazing what you can get on facebook don.t forget to copy it and give to solicitor. not the police, they conveniently lost evidence on my home computer when they seized it, so if their is anything that will help your son get it now before they take the computer away

[Mumsinastate]

That's the strange thing they havnt taken an awful lot only hos bedding but he'd been with this girl for three Months living in the same room she's saying that she said no but she had told a girl earlier on the evening that he Fxxked her over so now I'm going to fxxk him over and the police have spoken to her she has also done this twice before he didn't want to be with her anymore I just can't get my head round it and thanks to everyone on hear I don't feel so alone anymore friends make the right noises but can't know what it feels like

[Rights Fighter]

Facebook evidence should be in the form of screenshots not merely copy and paste.....

[fighter]

and once you saw something on Facebook, get the screenshot at once because some users clean their walls immediately. Don't put it off for another day or you might lose some vital information.

[Mumsinastate]

Good news

Got a letter today my son was nfa I'm so happy I thought this day would never come thanks to all of you on hear for your help and support if I can I will be glad to help anyone out on hear that needs it thank you all again xxxxxxxxx

[Casehardened]

This is great news for you and your son!

Thanks for coming back to update us as this will help those members who are still waiting to hear their outcomes.

[gem]

i am so happy for you and your son xxxxx

[Saffron]

Wonderful news! As CH said, thank you for coming back and letting us know.
Be prepared for a range of emotions to wash over you now - elation, anger, resentment and joy. This is all "normal".

[Faith]

Wooooohoooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Break out the boogieing bananas!!!!!!

[Izzy]

Brilliant news! I'm so happy for you both!!!

[Browneyedgirl]

Fabulous news, I'm so happy for you. It has certainly lifted my spirits today hearing your news, so thank you for sharing it with us.