Falsely accused of rape and had to flee the country

[nowheretogo]

Hello everybody, I am in dire need of help. I have been falsely accused of rape by two women and it has completely turned my life upside down. I was in USA when it happened and I hope this forum is not just limited to UK. It happened a month and a half back. Me and my best friend decided to go out. We had a couple of drinks at home and then we went to the downtown where all the bars are at. We bar hopped, talked to a lot of girls, got numbers , made out with a few and were having a great time. At about 1pm, we go to this bar and there was a group of girls. I went to them, introduced myself and started talking to this one girl, I bought her drinks and made out with her like crazy at the bar. At about 2pm when the bar was closing we decided to go her place. One of her friends was making out with another guy. Since my friend couldn't get any girl, I went to her friend and asked her to come with us and she agreed. I was with my girl at the back seat, (lets call her Jane) making out and all and my friend was driving the car. He stopped the car and told me he was going to leave since he is feeling very sick and he'll stay at my other friends place which was right where he had stopped.

The girl who was sitting in the passenger seat (lets call her Mary) complained by saying "why is your friend leaving, he is my date for tonight", and I had to tell her that he always does it since he has issues which is true because my friend is a virgin and he always freaks out when its time to have sex. Then she tells me she lost her cell phone so I take her to the bar to find her cell phone, Jane stays in the car. We could not find her cell phone and I promise her I'll go to the bar again to find it for her the next day. Now we go back to my car and start driving to Jane's place and they give me directions and all and we are having a great time making jokes and all. We reach their place and Mary asks me to text on her cell phone so that if anybody finds her cell phone it can be returned. We hung out for about 20-30 mins, then I go to the patio with Jane to have a smoke. I make out with her, suck on her tits and finger her over there and then she takes me to her room and we have sex.

I slept for some time then I woke up because I was feeling sick and my head was spinning which happens to me a lot of times if I get too drunk. I went to the bathroom then to the lounge where Mary is sleeping on the couch. I sit on the same couch she was laying on, She wakes up, we start talking and the conversation as far as I remember was mostly her complaining about her lost cell phone and me telling her not to worry and I'll get it back. I lay down with her, we staredt kissing and she unbuttoned herself and then we had sex. After I was done, I went to the bathroom but when I came back she was sitting on the couch holding her head. I asked her what's wrong and she says "its ****ed up I have a boyfriend". She kept on saying that and start going crazy, I tried to calm her down and told her its okay we were both drunk but she keeps on saying the same thing. Then she tries to grab my keys and wallet which freaks me out and I ask her why she is taking my keys and wallet and she says I am going home, I take my keys and wallet back, there wasn't any struggle but I had to grab my keys and wallet from her. Then she asks me to leave so I leave but I forget my cell phone inside so I knocked on her door and when she opens the door I ask her if i could get my cell ph back and she lets me in, I get my cell phone back and leave. I am freaked out at that point and go back home.

After about 3 days, Mary calls me and asks me what happened that night and tell her whatever happened, She tells me she never gave me her consent and I tell her she was grabbing my penis and everything and making out with me and how is that non consensual? She tells me when she woke up I was inside of her and when I was done with her I tried to put her panties back on which were complete lies. She also asked me if I had sex with Jane, and I tell her yes but she says Jane is saying I never had sex with her. The next day Jane calls me and also accuses me of rape and she says she was passed out and didn't even know I had sex with her and basically she just wanted a ride home and never wanted to have sex with me. She changed the entire story and pretended as if she doesn't remember the parts where she was making out with me, including the car and the patio and only admitted to making out with me at the bar. About 2 and a half weeks later, police showed up at my place and took me to jail, I had to talk to the investigator and told her the truth(I should have asked to talk to a lawyer instead but just thought I should tell them the truth, probably very stupid of me). They let me go after two hours. I hired a lawyer and had to pay him 2500$ just for the pre-charge. The lawyer told me those two calls made by the girls were definitely taped calls by the police. After a week my lawyer told me the investigator has sent the report to the district attorney who will decide to file charges against me. The minimum would be that they put an ankle lock on me, most probably they would put a bail on me and could also put me as non-bailable. The lawyer asked me for 25 grand to fight the case. I am not a US citizen so I decided to flee the country as no matter what I would have been screwed and broke even if I had won the case. I don't wanna explain what I went through all this time, basically I felt like a zombie, empty and dead. I don't have any prior criminal record and it is as clean as it could be. I have never even been rude to a girl, let alone rape one. I love usa and the people there and worked my ass off to get a degree and find a great job but I had to wrap everything in 2 days and run away like a criminal. A few of my friends advised me to at least use up all my credit cards before I leave since I don't plan on coming back and my credit limit is a little less than 20 grand but instead I paid up most of my credit card debt and will pay the rest this month because I have never done anything illegal and I take pride in being an honest person. The sad part is, a lot of people will think I ran away because I actually did something wrong. My country does have an extradition treaty with USA but it's in the middle east and not an easy task to do. I am in contact with my lawyer and I will know if and when I get charged. Even if there was 1% chance that I would go to prison for 10+ years for a crime I never committed I couldn't take that risk. Does anybody here know if US will try to extradite me or not? Will they block my bank accounts? Is there any way out of it? Please help.

[Saffron]

I'm afraid I can't answer your questions as you are not asking for support in dealing with a false rape alegation. You are asking about the machinations of extradition procedure and financial responsibility, which we can't answer anyway as you have not told us where you fled to.

You might not have committed a crime, but you have certainly behaved in a pretty sleazy manner - driving whilst drunk and having sex with both girls. Completely irresponsible, despite you claiming to be an honest person. Did you even use protection? If not I suggest you get yourself checked for STIs immediately. I hope now you understand the danger you put yourself in by behaving the way you did. And yes, I'm afraid that a lot of people will assume you are guilty because you fled the country

You don't seem concerned about justice, merely with not being prosecuted.

[nowheretogo]

I completely agree with you on being irresponsible. I paid the price for it by losing what I worked so hard for. I didn't use protection either, had I been a bit sober I would have made the right decisions. I have fled to Pakistan. I know I screwed up and it was stupid of me to sleep with both of them but I did not commit any crime and I couldn't bare the thought of going to prison for something I didn't even do. I was irresponsible and made stupid decisions whilst drunk but what does that have to do anything with me being honest? If I am getting a harsh response like this from a forum that is there to help the falsely accused , I guess I should just deal with this situation myself and hope that nothing worse happens. I appreciate you taking the time out and responding though. Thanks.

[Saffron]

Look, good people sometimes make bad decisions. I know that. My husband was one of them, and he ended up in prison for a crime he didn't commit. I guess I am somewhat jaded! I didn't mean to sound harsh, but even you accept that your actions were foolhardy.

I don't want anyone to go to prison for a crime they haven't committed, but your initial post seemed more concerned with how to avoid prosecution than seeking advice on how to cope emotionally. Very few of us here are legal experts. We are a UK based site run by lay people and have very little knowledge of US law and even less knowledge of extradition/financial law. In terms of legal advice I can only offer up what I learned during my ordeal. All I can offer is emotional support and the questions you asked were not concerned with that.

The other thing I would say is that I get very frustrated when I read posts from people who have put themselves in a vulnerable position. This works on both sides - genuine victims and those who have been falsely accused. Don't get me wrong - I am not a prude and in fact when I was younger I was pretty wild! I am in no way suggesting that you should remain celibate until you are married. But one-night stands of this nature are seriosuly dangerous on many levels: you could catch a nasty disease, and you are making yourself vulnerable to exactly this type of allegation. Sex is sex, but really it should be undertaken as an act of affection, if not love; definitely not as a disposable pleasure unless both parties have perviously agreed to it being so. I also think that the fact you sh4gged one girl and then moved on to her friend (without protection!) is probably one reason why they are p1ssed off enough to make this kind of allegation. no-one finds the thought of "sloppy seconds" appealing.

I am not offering mitigation for them - they behaved badly as well! They also put themselves into a vulnerable situation and they were foolish too.

You worked hard to get what you had - I don't dispute that. But you risked it all for a few minutes of pleasure.

[RFLH]

My sentiments entirely Saffron.

[nowheretogo]

Thanks for the response. I am sorry to hear about your husband, I can imagine what you must be going through. I take full responsibility for my actions and believe me, not a day passes by when I don't regret sleeping with them. I was really drunk and didn't plan on having sex with both of them, it just happened. I made a mistake that has completely ruined my life. I wish I had the courage to face the prosecution but my family here in Pakistan is dependent upon me, If I go to jail, they will lose the only person that is taking care of them financially at this point, I can't let my entire family suffer if I go to prison for something I haven't even done. I hope that if I do get extradited, I at least collect enough money before I get extradited so that I leave my family with something hence the reason I asked those questions regarding extradition and finances. At this point I am not even charged, but when two girls are accusing me I highly doubt I'll get out of this mess. I really appreciate whatever help you have provided and reading the forum threads I have to commend you on taking the time to help out people going through the trauma associated with a false rape accusation.

[123]

Nowhere to go

Perhaps you should be thinking about witnesses in the bar, your friend that drove the car, cctv

You have not been charged and no one is looking for you. I think I would have gone down the route of building a defence in the hope that they do not charge you. If they do then you have a chance to look at the evidence against you. Thats when you start making decisions

If you are on the run then not a good idea to tell the world where you are hiding.

The countries that you mention, if you behaved like that there, they would hang you - that is if you are lucky and the police got to you First. You are not a US citizen, so why go there and behave in a way you would not in your own country.

Build your defence, wait for the decision and then see what is what - you are still innocent remeber

[mark01942]

It's the truth and how I feel, I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but these Forums aren't discussing the local Church fete, they are literally an outlet that determines the course of peoples lives (literally!).

To be quite honest, I'm surprised at the level of censorship and "holier than thou" judgemental abuse I've endured on a "subject" such as this.

[LS]

Mark, tone it down. Vent your frustrations by all means, but bear in mind that there are others, more vulnerable than you, who may be influenced by your words. So the "holier than thou" applies to everyone who posts. Us, you, others.
There are certain subjects best left to the Samaritans. Not here.

[Saffron]

Mark, everyone on this forum has been either the subject of a false allegation/loved one of someone subjected to a false allegation/a genuine survivor of rape. We all manage to post reasonably calm and rational messages. I find your allegations of censorship and of being "holier than thou" insulting, especially given the support I have offered to you previously. I have been in your supporterss shoes, I know how it feels. If my husband had killed himself I would have been grossly insulted.

Additionally, we have a number of younger members who might take what you say as guidance. That is unacceptable and that is why your posts have been deleted. You have got to bear in mind that you are NOT the only emotionally fragile person using this forum!

I am therefore closing this thread - you have hijacked it from the OP and turned it onto yourself. Again.

One more post like this and I will ban you.

Nowheretogo, please feel free to open a new thread should you wish to do so. I'm sorry that your original post has become the soapbox for someone else. That's why I decided to close it, not for any other reason.