Seeking advice

[David1]

I was visited at home by 2 CID Officers this week, as an allegation of rape has been made against me. Fortunately I was not arrested and owing to my partner being at home they decided to talk to me in their car.

Whilst they did not provide me with the full details of the allegations, they did ask for my account of events. I explained that I had been chatting online with the accuser for some time, which finally resulted in us meeting and having sex.

At the end of of the conversation I asked what would happen next and was told that they needed to discuss the case with their senior officer and that I would hear from them at the weekend. He also asked if I was willing to attend court as a witness should they be able to substantiate a case of perverting the course of justice, which I agreed I would be seeking to do. This did raise alarm bells with me at such an early stage in the investigation and that I was not being arrested.

The investigating officer subsequently telephoned me yesterday with the news that my account of the events were being believed and asked if I could provide a statement as they were arresting the other party that evening. He did say that things were happening in the accuser's life and that I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I am due to provide a statement in the coming days. My whole life has been turned upside down. Whilst I have kept this from my partner and family so far, should the case go to court and I agree to be a witness this will be in an open court and will mean that my family and partner will learn about the events.

Am I able to ask to remain anonymous? If not I am simply cannot comprehend being a witness.

[RFLH]

no, you can't be anonymous and you may have no say in whether you are a witness or not - so please tell your wife before someone else does.

Several other chaps here have had to do the same and their partners have been behind them 100%, even though they have been lied and cheated to.

I must say that you are one of the lucky ones that haven't been dragged to hell and back - though once you tell your wife you may well end up there for a good while!

[tango]

its better coming from you than the papers, just tell her the truth and explain that shes made a false allegation and you are doing a statement to help convict her of a crime

[NOHOPE]

i am the wife of someone who cheated and the got falsely accused of sexual assault. beleive me knowing he cheated is bad enough without the rest to deal with but my hubby was truthful from day one if he had not of been then why would i beleive a word he ever says. if i was you i would tell her everything and take the consequences it is far worse to hear something like this from anyone else. if your man enough to do the crime ( meaning cheating not rape ) the be man enough to do the time and tell your wife the truth. sorry if this sounds harsh but she needs to be told.

[RFLH]

thanks for your input NoHope.

[Saffron]

I am also the wife of someone whose husband had a "drunken dalliance" and ended up with him being falsely accused of rape. He didn't tell me what was going on for almost 3 months, and he only fessed up because I knew something was wrong and I confronted him.

Knowing that he cheated was pretty cr4appy, and the fact that he had concealed it from me was even cr4ppier. However, we all make mistakes. That doesn't make you a bad person. Someone very wise told me recently that good people can make bad decisions, and that bad people can do good things. You need to bite the bullet and tell your partner. You cannot refuse to be a witness - the CPS can subpoena you if they want to. If you are subpoenad and refuse to attend, you will be held in contempt and could end up in prison, which means your partner would find out anyway.

For what it's worth, my husband and I are still together. If anything our relationship is better than it was before. We are more honest and kinder to each other.

Tell your partner. If you don't she is almost certain to find out anyway, and it is far better for her to hear it from you. Unless CID regularly knock on your door and interview you in their car she will already have a suspicion that something is wrong anyway

For god's sake, stay away from casual sexual liaisons with people you do not know. You are putting yourself in terrible danger! So many people come here having been FAd as the result of a sleazy, no-strings sexual encounter. I am certain that now the Party Season has arrived, our membership will increase dramatically.

[David1]

Thanks

Thank you for all the replies.

I would very much like the support of my partner at the moment but I just can't comprehend the fallout. I also wish to be a witness should the matter go to court, but with anonymity not being an option for me, the prospect of having to tell my partner and family is daunting.

My career would almost certainly be impacted, the notion of any involvement in something so sinister would make my life hell being in the public sector. My sexual behaviour/history may also be something which would come in to the public domain and that is something I cannot imagine.

My partner is coming to the police station on Saturday, although they will wait outside, and thinking it is simply a case of cyber bullying.

[RFLH]

please tell her before it hits the fan - she'll only have to hear them talking indiscreetly at the desk and it'll be so much worse. The rooms aren't that sound proofed either ...

[sickasaparrot]

Hi David1

I have been through this terrible ordeal recently and I honestly believe that I couldn't have coped without the invaluable support of my wife. She has been my rock, my shoulder and my ear. She has seen hope when I thought there was none.

I stupidly allowed myself to be seduced by a woman after a party. She then claimed that sex was non consensual.

My wife said that one mistake in seventeen years could be forgiven. I also know that if the roles were reversed (somehow) then I would have forgiven her the infidelity as I love her so much!

Someone on these forums once said that mistakes are not necessarily crimes - if they were, then most people would be in prison!

please tell your partner - if anything it shows that you have nothing to hide!

Good luck - I'm thinking of you.

[Saffron]

David, something about the way you write makes me think that you might have been unfaithful to your partner before now. I am in no way judging you, but is that why you are reluctant to give a witness statement?
If you are a victim of rape, your sexual history is usually inadmissible and defence barristers are not allowed to ask you about it. This may be the same for you. Ask Plod about it when you go to speak to them.
Please read through the threads here and see the devastation a false allegation wreaks on many people's lives.
It sounds as though you have been offered the chance to stop a serial accuser. Whether they are young, old, male or female, these false accusers really do trash the lives of those they accuse. You've been there, you can comprehend the horror of being accused of something you haven't done. Please don't pass this up, or someone else will be accused and could go to jail and lose everything. The sentence is not just about time in prison - it's about signing the SOR for the rest of your life; never being able to get a job; ALWAYS having that stigma hanging over your head: a true life sentence.
Thank you for having the courage to go and talk to the police. I hope you will come back and tell us how it went.

[David1]

I am reluctant to proceed to be a witness owing to no right of anonymity. I may of avoided being arrested, and I am yet to fully understand why that is but if the case went to court I would face having my partner, family, friends and work colleagues know about what happened.

Something I cant contemplate at the moment. It may be the police can proceed with a charge for perverting the course of justice without my testimony, something I will ascertain today.

What happened to innocent until proven guilty. The case going public and with those who know me becoming aware of the case is sentence enough.

[tango]

whos to say it would go in the papers, nearly every court has rape cases in on a weekly basis and you dont here about 95% of them. many people have been accused by false accusers and im sure some have ended up in prison. i personally think you need to be a man and stop this girl from accusing someone else.

[David1]

I have today been to the Police station to provide a written statement. My accuser is now due to be arrested on Tuesday, slightly later than expected. After attending the Police station I decided to tell my partner about what happened. He remains at my side which is a great comfort.

The investigating officer has agreed to ask the court (should it go to court) if i can provide my testimony via video link and keeping my name from being a matter of public record, which is incouraging.

Apparently it could take up to 4 weeks before the CPS will make a decision.

[RFLH]

That's positive news and I'm relieved that its all in the open and all is good between you both.

[fighter]

That is good to hear! Yes, situations like this should never be kept from partner/wife/bf. Your spouse has a right to know because whatever happens to you will affect her also. On the day that my partner got arrested and interviewed, he was told by the police to be quiet and need not tell me as nothing might come out of it. Weird advise! When the police came to our house, they told me that my partner was a witness to an accident and asked where he worked. I appreciated that my partner told me as soon as he got home.