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Hi everyone,
Well, we've had a few months to calm down now after getting NFA'ed. But still here I am at 1am. Still can't sleep, wake up hearing the door knock in my sleep- nightmares of the police turning up to arrest DH in the small hours. We both still sit for hours trying to work out what on earth the whole thing was about. He can not accept that anyone would be so callous as to make up a story like that for absolutely no reason. Which makes him suspect a 'conspiracy' - sabotage by business competitors- sounds totally crazy I know. Makes me feel that someone has done this deliberately. I had a lot of problems a couple of years back with a close friend of mine who had some serious issues and as mad as it seems I have even started to wonder if she could have set this up. She is one of the only people I can think of who knew that my daughter was friends with the FA'er, and knew things like the lay out of our house etc. Basically it just makes me completely paranoid. Depressed. Poor DH- he seems to be holding it together better than I am, but he wants answers. The OIC will not entertain talking to him. The solicitor said to just let it go. But we can't. I just wanted to ask, mainly, does anyone reading this know whether the police, on receiving a "third party referral" of an allegation (in this case from a 17 year old regarding historic events from 9 years prior) would first contact the alleged victim to make sure there was an actual complaint?
If that is the case then at least I can stop thinking that someone just wrote an anonymous letter saying these horrific things and that this whole nightmare was possibly caused by someone with a grudge. If it was just the girl saying it- and that in itself is completely awful, but DH can feel at least that he was unfortunate and that she has problems.
For those who don't know our case, in a nutshell, out of the blue, DH was arrested and questionned about a 'text book' series of three, worsening, events involving a girl who used to live up the road from us several years ago and was a play mate of our daughter's. My DH had never said more than two words to this child in his life. Whole thing straight from the pages of some bad novel or possibly a real life magazine!
-Who can I contact to get the NFA turned to no crime, and should we attempt it? DH's Uncle used to be very high up in SS and he categorically said it was a bad idea to attempt to do anything about it. But we just feel that sounds like advice you'd give someone who had actually done anything wrong! Getting the NFA, people said great, you must feel so relieved- NO! We did not. We feel like our lives have been torn apart, our lovely daughter has been unnecessarily put through this ordeal (the police said SS would be in contact to speak to her soon after DH's arrest, so we told her what had happened- then they NEVER did anything) when she should have been concentrating on her A Levels.
I really am just still reeling. I do hope some other people get some good outcomes, I've found it helpful reading what others have said, it is still so absolutely shocking to me the amount of people who have to go through this hell. The worst thing you can ever go through, and most of us so alone. But we are still standing and I guess that's the point. My relationship with DH is stronger than ever- I can honestly say I never doubted him for one nano ssecond, and I'm sure that is the case of all the wives/partners of anyone reading also going through this hell. Thank goodness for places like this
Thanks for reading xx
Well, we've had a few months to calm down now after getting NFA'ed. But still here I am at 1am. Still can't sleep, wake up hearing the door knock in my sleep- nightmares of the police turning up to arrest DH in the small hours. We both still sit for hours trying to work out what on earth the whole thing was about. He can not accept that anyone would be so callous as to make up a story like that for absolutely no reason. Which makes him suspect a 'conspiracy' - sabotage by business competitors- sounds totally crazy I know. Makes me feel that someone has done this deliberately. I had a lot of problems a couple of years back with a close friend of mine who had some serious issues and as mad as it seems I have even started to wonder if she could have set this up. She is one of the only people I can think of who knew that my daughter was friends with the FA'er, and knew things like the lay out of our house etc. Basically it just makes me completely paranoid. Depressed. Poor DH- he seems to be holding it together better than I am, but he wants answers. The OIC will not entertain talking to him. The solicitor said to just let it go. But we can't. I just wanted to ask, mainly, does anyone reading this know whether the police, on receiving a "third party referral" of an allegation (in this case from a 17 year old regarding historic events from 9 years prior) would first contact the alleged victim to make sure there was an actual complaint?
If that is the case then at least I can stop thinking that someone just wrote an anonymous letter saying these horrific things and that this whole nightmare was possibly caused by someone with a grudge. If it was just the girl saying it- and that in itself is completely awful, but DH can feel at least that he was unfortunate and that she has problems.
For those who don't know our case, in a nutshell, out of the blue, DH was arrested and questionned about a 'text book' series of three, worsening, events involving a girl who used to live up the road from us several years ago and was a play mate of our daughter's. My DH had never said more than two words to this child in his life. Whole thing straight from the pages of some bad novel or possibly a real life magazine!
-Who can I contact to get the NFA turned to no crime, and should we attempt it? DH's Uncle used to be very high up in SS and he categorically said it was a bad idea to attempt to do anything about it. But we just feel that sounds like advice you'd give someone who had actually done anything wrong! Getting the NFA, people said great, you must feel so relieved- NO! We did not. We feel like our lives have been torn apart, our lovely daughter has been unnecessarily put through this ordeal (the police said SS would be in contact to speak to her soon after DH's arrest, so we told her what had happened- then they NEVER did anything) when she should have been concentrating on her A Levels.
I really am just still reeling. I do hope some other people get some good outcomes, I've found it helpful reading what others have said, it is still so absolutely shocking to me the amount of people who have to go through this hell. The worst thing you can ever go through, and most of us so alone. But we are still standing and I guess that's the point. My relationship with DH is stronger than ever- I can honestly say I never doubted him for one nano ssecond, and I'm sure that is the case of all the wives/partners of anyone reading also going through this hell. Thank goodness for places like this
Thanks for reading xx
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