My wife of 3 months has accused me of raping her

[hurley11]

Back in july my wife left me, we had only been wed for 3 months.
Days later she turned up at the house and told me she thought she was having a breakdown and that she didn't understand what was happening.
We had been so happy, i begged her to stay and said i would support her.
She left, telling me she was going councelling and would be in touch soon.

For the next 3 weeks she wouldn't talk to me or answer txts.
I hadn't a clue where she was or what was going on.
Eventually and unbelievably she turned up with a stranger and 3 police officers to get her belongings out.
I was totally in shock, she wouldn't even look at me and just said she couldn't live with me anymore.
The police just said they had been asked to be present.
After another 2 weeks (15th Aug) i couldn't stand it anymore and went round to the home of her ex partner to see if she was there, she was.
I confronted them, but she just ran away to another room.
She txtd my sister and said i'd abused her for the last few months and had raped her twice!
I was horrified at what she was saying and for the next few weeks became so down that i was put on compassionate leave by my boss. He put it down to my marriage breakup, which was partly true.
I was arrested in september for burglary, rape and assault all accusations are from my wife.
Two counts of rape. Both times she gave the dates to the police, one day apart, both times, she said she came home at lunchtime and went to bed willingly both times, but said they "felt" like rape. That i was too rough.
The burglary was soon cleared up and items taken from my home were returned. The assault she said took place between jan-july 2011.
We got married in april and she asked me!

To add more misery to my life, social services recieved an anonomous call saying that i was financially abusing tenants and taking drugs whilst at work.
I am a carer, my wife works in the same field and i believe she is trying to get me out of the way. My CRB is wrecked.
I was suspended from work and at the time of writing remain so.
My company have investigated the financial and drugs allegations and i am in the clear with these.
However, with the other allegations still around, i am sat at home everyday, slowly going crazy and playing the "waiting game".
She is back at work and god knows what she is saying.

Stupidly in february, i took her back after she put me through the mill with allegations of harrassment, i kept away, she came to me and asked me to marry her, love is blind, my family and friends told me to keep away. Stupid now, i know.

Its a car crash i know, any thoughts?

[largactyl1]

Hi there, are you on bail for rape at the moment? I'm not totally clear on that? The other matters have been proven to be incorrect so are you suspended from work pending the outcome of these false allegations of rape?

It does sound as if your wife is having some sort of major breakdown, has she told the police that sex was consensual?

It really sounds as if you are going through the mill at the moment and I hope that you are reaching out for support from those around you. People here can offer advice and support also.

Have you seen a solicitor? Have you spoken about this situation with your boss at all. It generally (in my opinion) is adviseable to keep your line manager in the loop so to speak.

Aim to write everything down, such as events around the alleged "rapes", phone calls, texts, other false complaints. Is your wife seeing MH professionals? Do you need a GP to see you so you can discuss ways in which to deal with your own stress as you are under a lot of it at the moment.

Best wishes
Jen

[Amre]

An anonymous call? yeah right!

Its seems like you have a stronger case than you might think so dont get too down. Is she saying that you raped her twice or that you where too rough with her twice? Cuss there's a huge difference. If she is saying you were too rough during consensual sex the first time, why did she consent to sleeping with you the next day too? Even if the sex was too rough, it was still consensual. Some women scratch the back off men sometimes during sex, is this rape too?! She very may well believe you were too rough but that's not forcing someone to have sex. But she could have a case for assault or sexual assault if the cops are willing.
Do you have money? She might of had doing this in her mind when she asked you to marry her, you will have to pay to keep her and she will take 1/2 your assets. I'm not sure if her infidelity comes into it. Best to see a brief about the marriage and the case.

[hurley11]

Hi, yes i'm on bail at the moment but without conditions.
I know it sounds stupid but i only met her in september last year, and i don't know much about her past, she told me me she had suffered PND 18 years ago, and had been on medication for years.
She told me she had been emotionally abused by her ex and was finally free, now she had met me.
I don't know about her MH history.

I have kept my line manager informed all the way, and he was involved when she called the police in february, he advised me to keep away back then!
I am taking each day as they come and have alot of support from friends and family.
I haven't been to the G.P, but with my head being in a spin 24 hrs a day, not eating, sleeping badly and living a living nightmare, i am considering it.

[hurley11]

In have no money, but i believe she wants me out of the way, and away from her career, she has a good job and i work sometimes within her area.
I think she has M.H issues of some sort.

[hurley11]

And she's saying i raped her twice, both in our lunch hours and both times she said to the police she consented to get into bed and have sex, but half way through both occasions i got too rough.
I didn't, it was no different to any other time.

[Rights Fighter]

One major point is: "did she at any time ask you to desist with the rough play?" Did she tell the police that she asked you to desist? If she did not ask you to desist then you are not to know that this was not welcome, unless she just lay there like a cabbage.

I disagree with Amre when she says:

She very may well believe you were too rough but that's not forcing someone to have sex. But she could have a case for assault or sexual assault if the cops are willing.

See my response above. It's not whether the police "are willing" but whether the Crown can prove their case in court.

The OP needs to find a sympathetic solicitor experienced in these matters to give him half an hour free.

[hurley11]

Hi, no, it was sex as normal as far as i was concerned and we both went to work afterwards and met up later.
Our lovemaking was always passionate, but never the way she has reported to the police.
No sign of anything wrong and 5 days later she leaves.
We had sex during those last 5 days as normal.
She even sent me a text telling me how georgeous i was the ady she left!
I deleted the txts, but hopefully the police can retrieve them?

[Rights Fighter]

A forensic expert will be able to resurrect them. If the police expert doesn't and you are charged then your solicitor should instruct a suitable expert. If it gets that far I can offer recommendations.

[hurley11]

Thanks for your help.
I have found this forum so helpful in so many ways.
I can fully understand what i have been reading about in the last month here.
All very different circumstances but very similiar too.
Traumatic is one word too describe what i am going through at the moment.
A few months ago i was as happy as i had ever been and kept pinching myself, it ws that good!
With a wife and a very busy job, i didn't seem to have enough hours in the day, now the days drag, every minute of the day is bleak to me and for what?
The only reason for this i believe is she has some kind of M.H problem that i was not told about.
Unbelievable situation.

[Boys don't cry]

Did we marry the same woman?

It seems that we have Hurley11.
Obviously she wanted you out of the house,I am sorry for you and I swear that nobody better than I can feel the same as you do.
She as well asked me to marry her but you are "lucky"your marriage did last only 3 months,so if there are no further action you will be able to forget more quickly.
It will be very hard at the beginning but after a few months if you have your family and friends to support you, your life will start to seems back to normal.
(With up and down though).
I am not sure if you can pm me but try as I would like to have a chat with you if you need some help.
Best of luck!

[hurley11]

Hi, yes it is a hard time at the moment.
She left the house though and went back to her former home, where her son and (alleged, by her, "abusive" ex partner live.
I believed her when she told me he emotionally abused her for years, she said it was like living in a prison when she was there, now i'm not so sure.
It seems she is back there saying similar things about me.
My life has been turned upside down,i feel angry, exhausted, confused, sad, bitter and for what?
My career may be ruined, i may be charged with an offence i did not commit and she walks around, goes to work and plays the victim.
It really makes a mockery of genuine cases and there should be consequenses for people who make false allegations.
If and when this is all over, i'm not sure i can just forget and move on, i am so angry at the moment.
Maybe it's natural to be like this at this stage, still waiting, still suspended from work, still suspended from my life it seems.

[Whynow]

HI

Hurley, just remember your not the only one suffering with this at this time, there is a big group of us and we know we are innocent!! I am in a similar position and you describing your feelings are just how i feel. I dont know how to stay strong or how i should be feeling. I feel for you and everyone else in the same boat at this and any other time. Be strong, have faith in your knowledge that its a false allegation. Hoping that the Police & Cps will come right for you.

[largactyl1]

I think being angry is a very natural response given the situation you find yourself in. Use that anger to fight your corner and explore all avenues.

Best wishes to you
Jen x

[asimov]

Hi
It sounds like an almost identical situation to the one i was in. Ex used to work in the same company as myself, she had already cheated on me numerous times and i took her back only to be accused of raping her the day before i asked her to move out.
It may seem like the whole world is against you and it is to your credit that your employers (like mine were) are doing their best to help you.
All i will say is that it may take time, mine took 16 months from accusation to trial, and yes, you will have times (if it isnt dropped) where you see no end but believe me, try to keep it together. Everyone says you dont have to worry if you are not guilty but it really is not true. It will make you mentally stronger when its all over, believe me. Chin up and try to stay positive