My Living Nightmare

[LivingNightmare]

I have been reading posts from others on this site for a few weeks now for reassurance and guidance and have finally plucked up the courage to tell my story to see if I can get any advice or opinions from others who are currently a similar horrible situation or have been here before.

I was falsely accused of rape by a girl I was working with at a public event about 2 months ago now. The claims are 100% false and we had consensual sex.

I have now experienced the whole range of emotions: confusion, shock, despair, anger, anxiety and frustration.

I was working as a volunteer at this event with a bunch of other people (40+) and met this girl for the first time while working. The first time we met was 2 days before the alleged incident and we hit it off that night. We were drinking with a load of other people and enjoying our time off in the evening. On this first night she was very drunk and we were kissing etc. in view of her friend and she was insistent on coming into my tent when we got back to camp were everyone was based. Her friend was trying to get her to go back to her tent with her (10 yards away) as she knew she had a boyfriend, however the girl was insistent and she came to my tent.

Here we continued kissing and she was force ably trying to have sex with me when I told her that she was too drunk and we should perhaps do it another time when she wasn't so drunk and was sure she wanted to considering she had a boyfriend. So she went back to her tent late that night. We swapped numbers after she left.

The next morning I could hear her and her friends discussing last nights events in her tent in a joking manner. There were also conversations that morning between others about how loud we were at camp and that everyone could hear her friend trying to get her back to her tent. That afternoon I approached her and said I hope she was okay after the night before and we carried on joking as normal etc etc.

The night after, I was out during the event with some other male friends. During the evening I received numerous texts and calls from her saying she wanted to see me and come meet me here etc etc. At one point I had 4 missed calls in a row.

I got a text late that night from her when I was back at camp with a group of people saying she was lost can I come find her. I called her, found out where she was and went to meet her. Once I found her I walked her back to camp where we bumped into a couple of people I was with that night in camp having a smoke. We stayed and chatted for a bit.

I then went to my tent where she then followed me and these guys I am sure saw her follow me into my tent. She asked me for some water so came into my tent. We sat chatting for a bit and she said that her friend (who she was sharing a tent with) had told her that her bed was wet from the rain that day. I told her she could sleep in my tent if she wanted. She then zipped up my tent and promptly came and laid on top of me. One thing led to another and we had fully consensual sex.

Afterwards she asked me for some more water but she had drunk it all so she said she had some in her car (which was parked 2 minutes walk away). She got dressed and went to get her water. By this time it was 5am-ish so completely light outside. I laid back and instantly fell asleep only to wake up at around 9am to my phone alarm and realized she hadn't come back. I sent her a text to see if she was okay and 10 minutes later I had officers at my tent arresting me on an allegation of rape.

This was the most humiliating, confusing and devastating moment of my life....being led through a camp handcuffed and chucked into the back of a police van.

I was then taken to the station were I was held in a cell for about 9 hours, undertook humiliating personal dna checks and interviewed for around 2 hours.

The only part of her lies that I was told were that apparently she scratched my back and bit my neck to try and get away, but I had no marks on my neck and only playful small nail marks on my back which she did by just rubbing her nails under my shirt. The police took photos of the back and the neck to prove their were none or minimal markings. I was also told that she apparently did not scream because she was embarrassed (we were surrounded by tents with friends in, including those we left minutes before). The only thing I can't explain is apparently she had a drop of blood on her tights....but no marks on her body whatsoever. My duty solicitor believes it will be NFA'd but of course he cannot guarantee this!

I have been suspended from my job after I told them what had happened but everyone (including the top bosses) has been 100% behind me and do not believe I could do anything like this and I also have close friends and family completely backing me but this allegation has turned my life upside down.

6 weeks after being arrested I got a call from the DC leading the investigation saying that they were nearing the end of their inquiries, that they had spoken to her friends who had all confirmed that we were 'close' during our time at the festival and said that they will try and get this sorted quickly for me. She then said that they now just needed to speak to any witnesses I would like them to speak to so I gave her names (that were in my statement anyway!).

At this point I was pretty positive I would get a call to say that it was all over, but my bail date fast approached and the day before I got a call to say that they needed to extend it as they still needed to get those statements.

I have now been given a new bail date....in 5 more weeks!!

I am once again at the stage of frustration, anger and despair.

I'm sorry for this being so long winded but I wondered if anyone had any words of advice or just an opinion from their experiences about what they believe will happen in this case.

Thanks for taking the time to read my living nightmare.

[RFLH]

Welcome to the forum LivingNightmare, but sorry to see you here. As you've seen from looking through other threads tht your story is the norm - sad to say.

All you can do is to get through it by not let it taking over your life, make time for doing something you enjoy.

Keep posting as it really does help to get it out of your head.

[felix]

Don't despair mate. It sounds par for the course. They delay is very unlikely to be significant or mean anything positive or negative. I was rebailed twice and the delay was due to waiting for the officer in charge to get a meeting with the CPS and then they need to have two specialist solicitors sign it off before officer in charge can tell you there will be no further action. I am no expert but I would think she is on dicey ground because a simple cry of stop or help in these circumstances would have been heard in other tents and most likely people would have come to check or even intervened.

[LivingNightmare]

Thanks for the reply so far guys

Good that a forum like this exists because I am sure I was not the only one who felt totally alone and its helpful to hear from others in similar situations.

I am staying positive for now and trying not to let the fact it is being dragged out get me down again.

Thank you Felix- I'm hoping they see through her clear lies! She said she didn't scream or shout because she was embarrassed yet she claimed to try and bite and claw me off her though I have no markings! Like you say, she would have been well aware that one shout would have attracted people from tents just yards away.

[billykickass]

Hey buddy. You are defenitely not alone. I fully understand your range of emotions as i am too going tjrough the same at the moment. In a slight similarity where the event in my case allegedly happened was basicly feet from houses and right next to a lane with people walking along it and she could have shouted at any point! We even swapped numbers after! Not that this helps you at all just a message to say good luck and there are plenty more like you out here suffering for something that you simply didnt do.

[Saffron]

Hi Livingnightmare and welcome.
This sounds to me like a classic case of post-coital regret. She cheated on her boyfriend and needed an excuse, sharpish.
With regard to you being rebailed, there are two ways to look at it:
1) Plod have enough evidence to proceed, and are waiting for the CPS to confirm that they prefer charges.
2) They don't have enough evidence to proceed and therefore the case has taken a back seat while they deal with more important cases (or cases that are more likely to return a Guilty verdict).
I am going to edit your post to remove some identifying phrases, as I think I have read about an alleged case that sounded very similar to the one you describe.

As an aside, the fact that she "threw" herself at you on a previous evening and you declined due to her state of inebriation is highly admirable. I wish more people would take a leaf out of your book.

Hang in there. You are not alone and you have come to the right place.

Edit to add: was the small drop of blood in her tights her blood or yours? Do you know where it came from, ie: could it have been from an old injury of hers (a picked scab, cut finger etc)? If she was wearing those tights all day it could have come from anywhere. It could be her blood from a scratch earlier that day, or it could have been someone else's blood. This is not conclusive evidence by any means.

[LivingNightmare]

Hi Livingnightmare and welcome.
This sounds to me like a classic case of post-coital regret. She cheated on her boyfriend and needed an excuse, sharpish.
With regard to you being rebailed, there are two ways to look at it:
1) Plod have enough evidence to proceed, and are waiting for the CPS to confirm that they prefer charges.
2) They don't have enough evidence to proceed and therefore the case has taken a back seat while they deal with more important cases (or cases that are more likely to return a Guilty verdict).
I am going to edit your post to remove some identifying phrases, as I think I have read about an alleged case that sounded very similar to the one you describe.

As an aside, the fact that she "threw" herself at you on a previous evening and you declined due to her state of inebriation is highly admirable. I wish more people would take a leaf out of your book.

Hang in there. You are not alone and you have come to the right place.

Edit to add: was the small drop of blood in her tights her blood or yours? Do you know where it came from, ie: could it have been from an old injury of hers (a picked scab, cut finger etc)? If she was wearing those tights all day it could have come from anywhere. It could be her blood from a scratch earlier that day, or it could have been someone else's blood. This is not conclusive evidence by any means.

Thank you Safron

Yeah unfortunately I also had to deal with seeing the allegation reported in national and local press the next morning which makes me extremely scared of being wrongly charged as they can print my identity relating to these disgusting accusations before even being found guilty of any wrongdoing.

In relation to the blood- they asked me about it and I said I have no idea where that would come from and they said they didn't know whose it was at that stage but that it was not from a cut on her...she had no physical markings whatsoever.

I will certainly never put myself in this vulnerable position again and would never sleep with anyone until I knew I could trust them completely. This is something you never think could happen to you but it is so easy for someone to regret having sex and deciding they need an easy way to clear their guilt , destroying peoples lives in the process.

[Saffron]

Hmm. Sounds to me as though when she came out of your tent to get water, someone someone spotted her and asked her what she had been doing in there. Was her boyfriend present at the gathering you describe, either as a worker or an attendee? Could explain a lot if he was.
With regard to the press - as you have not been charged, you should not have been named. The press are allowed to name you prior to charge if they wish to, but only the really dreadful "rags" tend to do so. Your sol should have asked for anonymity at your last bail appearance.

As for the blood on her tights - well, how ridiculous. Having attended events such as this myself, I know that you get squashed up against the rest of the crowd, and physical contact with strangers is unavoidable. In fact fairly intimate physical contact is unavoidable! (rather like travelling on a tube train at rush hour....you'd really rather not stand pressed against people you don't know, but you really have no choice). So blood on her tights could be from anyone. However from what you say it seems Plod have ruled out the possibility that it is from her, so really the presence of the blood is entirely inconsequential.

As I said, hang in there.

[LivingNightmare]

Hmm. Sounds to me as though when she came out of your tent to get water, someone someone spotted her and asked her what she had been doing in there. Was her boyfriend present at the gathering you describe, either as a worker or an attendee? Could explain a lot if he was.
With regard to the press - as you have not been charged, you should not have been named. The press are allowed to name you prior to charge if they wish to, but only the really dreadful "rags" tend to do so. Your sol should have asked for anonymity at your last bail appearance.

As for the blood on her tights - well, how ridiculous. Having attended events such as this myself, I know that you get squashed up against the rest of the crowd, and physical contact with strangers is unavoidable. In fact fairly intimate physical contact is unavoidable! (rather like travelling on a tube train at rush hour....you'd really rather not stand pressed against people you don't know, but you really have no choice). So blood on her tights could be from anyone. However from what you say it seems Plod have ruled out the possibility that it is from her, so really the presence of the blood is entirely inconsequential.

As I said, hang in there.

Thanks for the reply Saffron!

Her boyfriend wasn't there but her friends were who all know him and she knew her friend saw something was going on with us so I am assuming she got scared it would get out.

I will keep on going praying for the day this all comes to an end

[Saffron]

You mention that text messages were exchanged between the two of you. Have you passed these to either Plod or your sol?
If you haven't already given them to Plod, give them to your sol now. If Plod don't have them already, do not volunteer them. The police have been known to "lose" evidence that is helpful to the defence.
You have not been charged, so that is something very positive to hold on to. I know the waitig is horrible, but there is little you can do until your bail hearing.
It sounds as though you have already gone over in your head several times the events of that night. Have you written a chronological sequence of events? If not, I urge you to do so. Include any tiny detail - stuff you might think is insignificant could turn out to be useful. Write it long-hand on lined paper with double spaces between each line so that you can add things later if/as you remember them.
Good luck. Keep coming back, we are all here for you.

[LivingNightmare]

You mention that text messages were exchanged between the two of you. Have you passed these to either Plod or your sol?
If you haven't already given them to Plod, give them to your sol now. If Plod don't have them already, do not volunteer them. The police have been known to "lose" evidence that is helpful to the defence.
You have not been charged, so that is something very positive to hold on to. I know the waitig is horrible, but there is little you can do until your bail hearing.
It sounds as though you have already gone over in your head several times the events of that night. Have you written a chronological sequence of events? If not, I urge you to do so. Include any tiny detail - stuff you might think is insignificant could turn out to be useful. Write it long-hand on lined paper with double spaces between each line so that you can add things later if/as you remember them.
Good luck. Keep coming back, we are all here for you.

The police seized my phone to extract all data which will back-up everything.....If anything was to disapear I am sure my phone company would keep a log

My interview went through every minor detail and was recorded an we will request these if needed but I have notes too. Just have got to keep trusting that justice DOES prevail.....in the end!

Thanks for your help and advice

[Amre]

Sounds like she didn't take kindly to the knock back. It looks to me like She has a bad case of crazy-fuker-ious. Hope it gets sorted ASAP for you. I don't think she changed her mind afterwards. I think this was her goal. Like how dare you turn HER down? How dare you not fall madly in love with her perfect little self? You had four missed calls from her? How dare you not pick up! How ****ing dare you think for yourself? Now she will have a we blast and distorying your life for your sins. I'm betting the attention she's getting now has really helped her through this awful time in her life.

I can see them nfa'n this, then you better ****ing get her done for her lies.

This reminds me of a judge Judy episode I saw.

judge Judy; "and when did you know you where raped?"
Claimant: "when the check bounced your honor"

[LivingNightmare]

Thanks Amre.....hope you're right

[LivingNightmare]

I just wanted to update everyone on my situation.

I had a call this morning from the police to inform me that no further action will be taken as their was no evidence.

I am so relieved, although it feels like a hollow victory- apparently they cant pursue her for false allegations unless she admits it!

Thank you to everyone who responded to me on here and to those still in this horrible situation- their is hope and justice will prevail!

Does anyone have any advice on what I should lookout for on my letter confirming the NFA or how I can go about having the allegation removed from my record?

Thanks guys

[RFLH]

that's really good news LivingNightmare. I hope that you'll be able to move on fully from this soon.