so scared please help

[scared wife]

please can some one help my husbamd has been charged with 10 charges of indecent assault i beleive him 100% he is innocent

how can i help him we are in bits he could be put away for years i cant live without him how can i get strenght to help
thank you for listening

[RFLH]

Hi scared wife, pleased to see you have found your way here.

You will get advice and support here. How far along the process are you? Has it just happened or is being re-bailed?

You will find the strength to walk by his side, it just happens. But what you should try not to do - is to let it take over your lives to the exclusion of everything else.

[Saffron]

Hi Scared Wife and welcome. I'm sorry you had to find us, but glad you did.

Being in the situation you find yourself in is terrifying and having been there myself I totally empathise. You feel lost and helpless. There are a few things you can do though.

How is your husband bearing up? If you are worried about his mental health then make sure he goes to see his GP. Do some research into a really good solicitor, one who is experienced in defending false allegations of sexual crimes. A standard criminal sol may not be good enough. If he has been charged you need to move fast as you may not abe able to change legal representative further down the line.

A few questions - don't feel obliged to answer them, but it will help us give the right advice.
You say he has been charged with 10 counts of Indecent Assault....is there one accuser or more?
Are these current or historic allegations?

Multiple accusers are difficult because juries are likely to believe more than one accuser over a single defendant.
Historic allegations are also difficult, as there is no forensic evidence to disprove the accusation, and it is largely down to the jury to simply decide who they believe.

You should receive the prosecution's "evidence" soon, if you haven't already. Sit down with your husband and go through them carefully. Make notes of any inconsistencies and give them to your sol. Talk to friends and family about giving character references. If you know the accuser (s) then monitor their social networking sites and take screen shots of anything that might help.

Try to think of motives for the allegations - is the accuser/accusers financially hard up, are they attention seeker, have they told any big lies before, etc.

Finally, look after yourself. Your husband needs you, and in order to suport him you need to be physically and mentally tough. Being the "strong one" is exhausting, so accept offers of help from other people. Have you confided in anyone? You will need support too.

I am sure others will be along shortly with further advice and support. In the meantime, welcome.

[Explorer1982]

But what you should try not to do - is to let it take over your lives to the exclusion of everything else.

Very wise words, and ones which I try to keep in mind myself every day.

[scared wife]

good to hear from someone thankyou

it is a historic case from many years ago from one single accuser my husband is in bits has he cant remember certain things

its the number of charges and the horrible things what have been said which is scary he has to go back to court for it to be sent to crown court we do not have the bundle yet so dont know all what has been said.
we are going to fight it to the end but we dont have much on our defence if the outcome is bad i dont know how i will cope not having him for years he is a loving man and would help people before hurting them

[scared wife]

forgot to say no violance or actual sex has been alleged would he get a sentence for each one sorry for asking stupid questions i feel stupid and useless to him

[Rights Fighter]

If he was found guilty on, say, 5 out of 8 charges of IA they are likely to run concurrently (together - side by side) although sometimes people are sentenced consecutively, so that would be one on top of the other.

However, he's not been tried yet so has not been found guilty - let's not think about sentence yet.

What you must do is gather as much evidence as you possibly can - do not share this evidence with the police in the hope they will make it stop. They won't.

I would think that most if not all counts on the indictment would be "specimen counts" = "on a day between [usually the complainant's birthday one year] to [day before complainant's birthday the following year] Mr X did indecently assault Y........"

If he can provide evidence for that year that he was, say, out of the country on business - keep that for the solicitor/barrister. If you tell the police that they will then re-interview the complainant (or just have an informal "chat" with her) and she will then change her story to suit.

[scared wife]

thank you rights fighter
it was so long ago things are difficult my husband did work away for a short time abroad but he cant remeber if this is in the time period of the allegations we dont know how we could check that out has the passport expired years ago i know i should be not thinking of the worst but we have an older daughter who wants to know what is going to happen to her dad and of course we cant answer her i dont know if it went wrong if it would be 2 5 10 or how many years we would be apart it would just be one more thing we would know i see the hurt and pain in my husbands face every day and i hurt inside he is innocent but he feels has if its fault iam upset i hope i can talk him into going to the dr please please rights fighter can i pm you for help with the offence code i understand if i cant i will be going to see my dr later today thank you for listening

[scared wife]

just sent e mail to visa place to see if dates are still on file

[felix]

Hi scared wife. Please be calm and strong for your man. He needs you like never before. My wife loved me throughout - a lot of that just involved hand holding or extra hugs or encouragement to have sex. You are worrying about what may happen in worst case. Given it is historic and her words vs. his it will come down, if it ever gets to court, who performs best in front of the jury. You need to write down everything you can remember about the period concerned, everything. Spend time talking him through it. Get him to talk, you write notes. Go over it again and again. Recollections may emerge which will help. What you need to do at this stage is to come up with material who h trashes her testimony and adds to your credibility. Do not give up hope. Your solicitor may with your help be able to produce stuff which makes CPS realise they will look like idiots if this goes to court. Keep positive; there are great folks on this forum. We will do all we can to help. Don't be afraid of continuing to ask questions, however trivial or repetitive. This can be complex to understand.

[scared wife]

Thanks felix
i will speak with him but i dont want to put pressure on him to early has i know he is doing his best to go back all those years

i think it will go to cc has his solicetor wont get the bundle until we go to magistrates court are you saying that at the crown court hearing the prosucuter may not wish to carry on

thanks for reading and your reply

[Rights Fighter]

thank you rights fighter
please rights fighter can i pm you for help with the offence code i understand if i cant i will be going to see my dr later today thank you for listening

You have to be on here for five days and made a certain number of posts before you can use the PM facility. I will add you as a contact so any PM you send to me will reach me.

[scared wife]

thank you rights fighter i have just had a nice chat with hubby we are sitting down with a bottle of wine and re look at the sitution

many thanks to all on here

[Rights Fighter]

Which county are you in?

[shocked]

I no how it feels

Hi, i 2 went through the pain of my partner of 15 years being arrested 4 a rape he didn't commit. i also was 100% sure he didn't do it. Luckily were out the other side of the dark tunnel of hurt, anger and shock. I had 2 be strong 4 him and my young children. It's by no means easy, but it helped me 2 no that sites like these were there 2 show we weren't the only people that this had happened 2. I went thru, the numbness and shock then depression. Like me, you will find the inner strength 2 keep going. I was surprised at how and where my strength came from. you are by no means alone.