So worried

[fighter]

We have a few little ground rules that help like: we dont mention it at weekends (unless absolutely neccesary) we spend the time only doing things that are fun and appreciating each other.
We dont refer to her by name only terms which describe her i.e. skank, slag, tramp, vile piece of scum.
And find things to laugh about and try and have lots of intimate time (you know what i mean) the hugs and touch will help you both feel the love again.

echoing Saffron, great post billy. And billy nice coping rules/techniques!

[Amre]

I really like that not talking about it at weekends stuff. That would work in a few areas in my life.

[Joan1978]

Your ground rules are a great idea !!

You sound like you have things so sorted in your own head (obviously not as sorted as you like, but the way you are handling the situation)and ways of coping and have the fight you need, i hope my partner gets like you as it is a fantastic way of dealing with just an awful situation..

x

[friday]

If you unblock someone on facebook you have to wait 24 hours to reblock them. I would hazard a guess she unblocked you to have a look at your profile but then couldn't reblock it straight away.

[billykickass]

Thats interesting im still not re blocked but one of our mutual friends now seems to have blocked me.
Would the police have told her my name? As in her statement she said she didnt know who i was and couldnt describe me they had to use cctv to find me.

So otherwise how would she know who to block on FB.

[Rights Fighter]

Plod would have given your name or "accidentally" left some paperwork with it on show so the accuser/her witnesses could see it.

[friday]

Am I missing something? She says she didn't know you but you are friends on facebook? If you were raped by someone you knew you would think you would have some idea who it was (their voice, the way they looked etc) even if it was dark unless they wore a mask and didn't speak. If she didn't know you before that night then how did she get your name to add you on facebook? If she only got the name from the police then why would she add you? As much as I have looked at my rapists page and even had a friend add him so I could find out whether he was still working and living in the same place so I could avoid him I would never add him as a "friend". To me adding my rapist as a friend is sick and seriously ****ed up.

I just don't get it.

[billykickass]

Slight mis understanding. We are not friends on FB however we do have mutual friends if that makes sense.

However i am just as dumbstruck with the whole thing.i can only assume they havent looked very deeply into this or i would have been cleared by now, and there was no doubt of consent whatsoever in fact she was calling the shots.

And as for saying she didnt know me or my name, we spent hours together before and she even had my phone number. Its unreal. I wish someone was watching the whole thing (in a non voyeuristic way).

[billykickass]

Well im pretty gutted turns out the mutual friend that we share has blocked me on facebook i can only guess this means that she has been infected with my accusers lies! This was someone who i have known for years through air cadets when we were younger i even took her flying.

I really wish the foul beast would get her just desserts!

I have created a new FB profile in a pets name so i can still gather intel on my accuser and her little group of friends.

[Saffron]

Hey Billy

I don't know what else to say other than "hang in there". Come on, you are doing so well! When life deals you sh1t you pick up the shovel. Courage and Strength, my friend.

[billykickass]

Thanks saffron. I like that little turn of phrase bout the shovel. I also very much like your bit of latin.

Im doing ok tacticly just little things like that i mean i would never do that to a women .

[RFLH]

you're doing fine Billy - if you weren't like you are we'd be more worried about you.

[fighter]

hey billy, i can relate to you about this facebook thing. It is most frustrating to suddenly not being able to see anything. Definitely that mutual friend is someone you can ignore for now. As we have said, at this point, you also see the true friend you can treasure but it is not your loss; its theirs.

I would repeat what others say, hang in there. tomorrow you will feel better! Take care of yourself.

[Faith]

Definitely that mutual friend is someone you can ignore for now. As we have said, at this point, you also see the true friend you can treasure but it is not your loss; its theirs.

I couldn't have put this better myself.
These little knocks hurt, Billy, but at the end of the day, a friend who believes you to be capable of something like that, cannot be classed as a true friend. You focus on your defence for now, outsiders don't matter...get support from your close circles i.e your family. When you get the right result, it may well be that this friend will come sheepishly back to you...it will be in your hands whether you think they are worth it or not. I would suggest not...

You are very strong and one thing these experiences do for us is show us the surprising human strength that has lain dormant in us. I had a rotten week recently where I had letters from my work, the ISA and my union...all bad news. The postman became my mortal enemy. I would get knocked down by one letter, spend the day overcoming it, be fine again and then the next one would hit again. But we pick ourselves up because we have done nothing wrong. Hold onto that pride and that knowledge that you posted so brilliantly earlier.

No matter what they do to you, what they tarnish you with and what 'friends' choose to believe...YOU know you are innocent...and nobody can take that away from you.

It's okay to show vulnerability. We are all here for you on your bad days as well as your good. You will come through this. And, if possible, you will be stronger. Hang in there.

[billykickass]

Thank you so much everyone it is really helpful to know that other people care as well.