Question to wives/g/friends of falsely accused....

[Blue-belle]

Hi,

Me and my hubby have been on the f/a rollercoaster for 5 months now and have just 2 weeks left til his bail date. It's starting to feel like i am in a hall of mirrors and no longer know which is the true reflection, I am 100% sure he didnt, couldn't, wouldn't have done what he is accused of but as the bail date gets nearer i am very up and down and starting to wonder what if the forensics prove me wrong and he is charged?

Have other wives/girlfriends thought of this? ever had doubts as you have gone thru the process?

[Saffron]

Hi BlueBelle

From what you have said it sounds as though this is a recent allegation (ie, not historic).
Forensics.....well, it depends on the circumstances of the case. Is it an issue of consent? Did you husband have consensual sex with the accuser and she later decided she had been raped? Or was there no sexual contact at all?

If sex did take place and she reported immediately, then there will be forensic evidence. If no sex took place then there won't be. Simple as that.

My hubby admitted that there had been sexual contact. He said it was mutally consensual; she said it wasn't. I never doubted that he had not forced her. However I DID doubt the legal process - especially once he had been charged.

It is entirely normal for your emotions to be all over the place. Try not to think "what if" because at this stage it will not do you any good at all. Try to keep busy - read a book, clean the house, redecorate a room, go for a walk....anything to keep yourself occupied! (I became a maniac ironer while my hub was away - I ironed everything, even tea towels and pants!)

You also need to be prepared for the possibility that your hubby's bail might be extended again. It all depends on what forensics the CPS are waiting for. Computer forensics can take months, as can DNA forensics. Have you got good legal representation?

Hopefully others will be along shortly. In the meantime, welcome.

[psychotic]

ironing =)

yes i totally agree with you saffron on the ironing aspect... i've become a quite an avid fan of ironing as well =)

in regards to forensic evidence... it doesn't sound like the police found any evidence in their initial statement... one of the reason why i think my court date was dropped

just like sharing the joy of ironing lol

Hi BlueBelle

From what you have said it sounds as though this is a recent allegation (ie, not historic).
Forensics.....well, it depends on the circumstances of the case. Is it an issue of consent? Did you husband have consensual sex with the accuser and she later decided she had been raped? Or was there no sexual contact at all?

If sex did take place and she reported immediately, then there will be forensic evidence. If no sex took place then there won't be. Simple as that.

My hubby admitted that there had been sexual contact. He said it was mutally consensual; she said it wasn't. I never doubted that he had not forced her. However I DID doubt the legal process - especially once he had been charged.

It is entirely normal for your emotions to be all over the place. Try not to think "what if" because at this stage it will not do you any good at all. Try to keep busy - read a book, clean the house, redecorate a room, go for a walk....anything to keep yourself occupied! (I became a maniac ironer while my hub was away - I ironed everything, even tea towels and pants!)

You also need to be prepared for the possibility that your hubby's bail might be extended again. It all depends on what forensics the CPS are waiting for. Computer forensics can take months, as can DNA forensics. Have you got good legal representation?

Hopefully others will be along shortly. In the meantime, welcome.

[Blue-belle]

Your right...ironing!!

Hiya,

Thanx for your replies, i think it has all been getting on top of me and making my head spin. Your right, i should do something, anything other than sit and mope!!

Yes it was reported imediatly and he swears he never touched her so intamate forensics should be conclusive. There is a hundred reasons why i believe him (soz, too worried about putting details on public view) and just the one nag of 'why would she lie?' Thats my sticking point cos i cant see why she would hate us so much to lie like that

I really hope he is not bailed again, the seperation is soo hard and it's been 5 long months!! Just want it over so we can enjoy the rest of the kids holiday and take them away somewhere for some fun

[largactyl1]

Hiya,

Thanx for your replies, i think it has all been getting on top of me and making my head spin. Your right, i should do something, anything other than sit and mope!!

Yes it was reported imediatly and he swears he never touched her so intamate forensics should be conclusive. There is a hundred reasons why i believe him (soz, too worried about putting details on public view) and just the one nag of 'why would she lie?' Thats my sticking point cos i cant see why she would hate us so much to lie like that

I really hope he is not bailed again, the seperation is soo hard and it's been 5 long months!! Just want it over so we can enjoy the rest of the kids holiday and take them away somewhere for some fun

Hi there, I totally get your question "Why would she lie". This is the liars advantage as there seemingly wouldn't be a reason to lie. However, people do lie about such things for a number of reasons - financial gain (this can be thousands of pounds from Criminal Injuries), revenge, getting sympathy and the powerful position of being a "victim" - afterall, the amount of attention from professionals, family, friends etc for someone who has (allegedly) been attacked is very attractive to some sad and pathetic, unscrupulous people. It could be to gain sympathy from a specific person (eg a partner who has recently dumped her or something similar) or it could be just general. She could have Munchausens or some other Personality Disorder.

I'm sure there are many other reasons for lying - these are just a few I'm thinking of now.

Best wishes
Jen

[Casehardened]

It could be to gain sympathy from a specific person (eg a partner who has recently dumped her or something similar) or it could be just general. She could have Munchausens or some other Personality Disorder.

There have been several threads recently where the 'victim' has been outed as having made accusations before and the few prosecutions against false accusers are usually brought where there are multiple FA's.

As Jen says, there must be underlying issues for someone to do this and it is always worthwhile asking (via the legal team) if the 'victim' has made any previous accusations. For some reason the police and CPS aren't very keen for this information to come out

[Boys don't cry]

Blue-Belle

From what I read as long as she reported the rape within two weeks the forensics could prove if there was a relation or not.And did this girl knew him before or not?.If yes it is true it could be for jealousy or revenge...Sorry I am myself on bail since May and I realised that my wife was cheating on me.She went to see a solicitor about divorce and said that I could have use this against her to divorce.She even told me "I won't get done for adultery" and one evening I wanted to love her as I had still feelings for her.The morning after two police cars came for me.I am so scared even though most of the people tell me that it was planned so I should be fine.
I just hope that your fella didn't do it for both of you.
Best of luck!

[lifesnotfair]

Hello Blue-Belle

Me and my b/f are going through a similar thing. He was arrested at the end of January this year and charged in June (I think). It IS a rollercoaster ride to be sure. I have never once had any nagging doubts about his guilt. I know for a fact he didn't do it. However, I have asked myself why she would lie. He has been told that his case will go to trial probably early next year. I really don't know what goes through these girls' heads. How old is she? My b/f's accuser is 18 and I just don't think they realise the seriousness of the allegations they make.

One thing I do know though, is that your b/f needs your support and for you to believe in him 100%. It is a horrible, horrible time for you both and I hope that is has a happy ending. x

[Saffron]

Hi BlueBelle
is your partner on remand? I just ask because you mentioned that the separation is hard.
If he is on remand and gets re-bailed, his sol should be able to make an argument for him to be released to serve the remaining bail time.
Hope that helps.

And I am glad you have discovered the Joy Of Ironing!

[Rights Fighter]

................there is a hundred reasons why i believe him (soz, too worried about putting details on public view) and just the one nag of 'why would she lie?' Thats my sticking point cos i cant see why she would hate us so much to lie like that

Motive is really important.

Does she have a grievance against you that she wants to punish you for?

Does she have a grievance against him that she wants to punish him for?

Is she short of money?

Does she want to fly the nest and needs money to do that?

Does she have a drug habit and/or has she got debts that she cannot pay?

Does she have a partner she has to answer to as to why she was late one night - for instance?

Apologies for not addressing it properly but I can't see anywhere where the actual background is posted - unless I have missed it........

[Blue-belle]

Some background

Hiya,

Thankyou all for your time and advise, I stripped and scrubbed the kitchen yesterday and for once went straight to sleep with no mythering! I feel back on track and positive today.

I have been worried about giving some details, but i guess it wont hurt so here goes... Hubby has been accused by a 15 year old of giving her alcohol, kissing, indecent assault and rape. The previous day her boyfriend had bragged about having sex (we assume with her) and her parents (hubbys, old friends) asked if she could hang out with our girls and stay the night to keep her away from her boyfriend, as we live out of town. My hubby was alone with her for 10 maybe 15 minutes at the end of the night, this is when she claims it happened. I was in the room imediatly above with my door open and 2 of our kids were awake, none of us heard a thing.

The following day she spent 2 hours argueing with her mum by text and calls saying that she wasn't going home, she was going to see her boyfriend or was staying with us. But she did not want to go home!! We allowed her to stay a while then sent her home. Within a couple of hours of her arriving home they were up the police station. The police turned up in the middle of that night to arrest him, they took samples and interviewed him with the duty solicitor, then he was released on bail with no charges yet.

The s/s kicked my hubby out of the house, said either he leaves immediatly or they would remove our kids there and then. All of our friends have kids so he has had to go and stay with his parents half way across the country, miles away

Lifesnotfair I think you are right, i don't think she has any idea what she has done to us all

Rights Fighter I can only think of silly little things, she doesn't like being asked to do stuff and expects to be waited on, on the other hand i have 5 kids who get their own drinks and wash the cups up afterwards!! So i guess she isn't too keen on me as i wont pander to her. As for my hubby she always used to say that she loved him and wished that he was her dad, however he did go against her and told her he would not put up with her talking to her mother like that and she was going home whether she liked it or not!!

Having wrote this down twice (it timed out on me first time) it has made me 100% again that i know he didn't do this and the forensics will prove it!!

Cheers all for your time, I was feeling quite paranoid and all because a friend commented that a lot can happen in 10 minutes!!

Thanx again x

[Rights Fighter]

The previous day her boyfriend had bragged about having sex (we assume with her) and her parents (hubbys, old friends) asked if she could hang out with our girls and stay the night to keep her away from her boyfriend, as we live out of town.

And

The following day she spent 2 hours argueing with her mum by text and calls saying that she wasn't going home, she was going to see her boyfriend or was staying with us. But she did not want to go home!! We allowed her to stay a while then sent her home. Within a couple of hours of her arriving home they were up the police station.

There's your motive(s). She's punishing her mother by putting her on a guilt trip for not letting her see her boyfriend.

You then sent her home so she's punishing you.

I bet she knows somebody who has either succeeded in making a false allegation or she knows somebody who has attempted it.

[lifesnotfair]

Hello again,

I'm glad you're feeling better today. Rightsfighter is so right. From what you've said you have absolutely no reason to doubt your husband and every reason to believe that she is a liar! She sounds like a spoiled brat who didn't get her own way and is now going to punish everyone in the cruellest way possible. What a stupid little girl. Ugh! Makes me so angry!

[Saffron]

Sounds to me as though RF is absolutely spot-on in her assessment.
God to know you are feeling more positive