Not long to go now.

[BecomingNervous]

Hi,

I have been trawling this forum for some months now and I am amazed at how many people are in the same boat as myself.

I was accused of rape in September and charged in December last year and have had this massive cloud above me ever since. My court case is all of a sudden creeping up and getting close. Now with only two weeks to go I feel nervous and apprehensive but also glad in a way that it will soon all come to a close one way or another.

I have looked at all the statistics as I'm sure most of us in this boat do and really don't know which way it will go.

Just came on looking for a chat about it really as I try not to bring it up too much with my family now that it is getting close.

[lifesnotfair]

Hello there, I read your post and can fully sympathise with you. You are further 'down the road' than my b/f. He was charged a few weeks ago and his case probably won't go to Court until March next year. Don't you think it's incredible how one minute your life can be ticking along normally then suddenly everything is turned upside down. Up until January 28th this year, everything was fine. Then, on the 29th he was arrested. Ever since then we've been through all the emotions, bewilderment, anger, fear, etc. I find it incredible that people can be charged for such crimes with no evidence, just your word against theirs. I sincerely hope it all turns out well for you.

Best wishes

[davet]

Hi,

I have been trawling this forum for some months now and I am amazed at how many people are in the same boat as myself.

I was accused of rape in September and charged in December last year and have had this massive cloud above me ever since. My court case is all of a sudden creeping up and getting close. Now with only two weeks to go I feel nervous and apprehensive but also glad in a way that it will soon all come to a close one way or another.

I have looked at all the statistics as I'm sure most of us in this boat do and really don't know which way it will go.

Just came on looking for a chat about it really as I try not to bring it up too much with my family now that it is getting close.

Hi Becoming nervous,

Its always the waiting and not knowing that can be the worse and it is at times like this that you need the support of your family because I am sure it is having an enourmous effect on them too.

Have you considered that they dont talk about it because you dont bring it up?

It is good to talk about it face to face with someone who cares about you, even if they dont have the answers you need (no one realy has).

There is a wealth of advice, experience and support on this forum from people who have been where you are now or know someone who has and I am confident that they will do there best to help you through this dark period of your life.

[BecomingNervous]

Don't you think it's incredible how one minute your life can be ticking along normally then suddenly everything is turned upside down. Up until January 28th this year, everything was fine. Then, on the 29th he was arrested. Ever since then we've been through all the emotions, bewilderment, anger, fear, etc. I find it incredible that people can be charged for such crimes with no evidence, just your word against theirs. I sincerely hope it all turns out well for you.

Best wishes

I wholeheartedly agree with the above comment of how one minute your whole world can be turned upside down. Unfortunately my accuser's friend is sticking up for her (as any good friend would I assume) so it's myself against the alledged victim and her friend's evidence which is apparently vital to the CPS's case. As with many of the threads I have read on here alcohol is involved and so we need to prove that consent was given and that she was capable of giving such consent.

I hope everything goes ok with you and your boyfriend. Unfortunately the world takes allsorts.

[BecomingNervous]

Hi Becoming nervous,

Its always the waiting and not knowing that can be the worse and it is at times like this that you need the support of your family because I am sure it is having an enourmous effect on them too.

Have you considered that they dont talk about it because you dont bring it up?

It is good to talk about it face to face with someone who cares about you, even if they dont have the answers you need (no one realy has).

There is a wealth of advice, experience and support on this forum from people who have been where you are now or know someone who has and I am confident that they will do there best to help you through this dark period of your life.

The feeling of uncertainty is horrible but there is light at the end of the tunnel, I hope for everything to turn out for the best for me but if it does not then at least I know where I stand.

I talk to my mum about it alot, every couple of days, however I wait for her to bring it up unless it is really bothering me.

My barrister says it all depends on how the alledged victim comes across on the day, and says the case is very 50/50. It may be wrong but to me it all seems like some sort of popularity contest and a battle of who has the best barrister....

[lifesnotfair]

Alcohol involved - that makes a change. I have a 17 year old daughter. I have warned her that it's not someone else's job to babysit her if she gets off her face so she doesn't know what she's doing. She had to take responsibility for her own safety. I also have a 19 year old son. I've warned him to steer well clear of drunk girls. In fact, I'd like to to steer clear of girls in general!

I sincerely hope it turns out in your favour. Good luck.

[BecomingNervous]

Like many factors alcohol is going to be useful to both prosecution and defence (mainly prosecution I'm sure as her whole story is based on it!! ) However this has been a real eye opener to me and I will steer well clear of any girl that has been drinking in future that's for sure!

Good advice to your children, similar advice that I will be passing down to any children that I eventually have.

Thanks for your luck and I also do hope that everything turns out ok.

[Saffron]

The subject of what we tell our kids is an interesting one.
We kept R's case away from our son, but I think our boy has guessed that something happened. The agreement we came to is that when he hits puberty we will have a very frank conversation with him. If he queries what we say, we will tell him the truth....a salutory tale....there but for the Grace of God go I....etc....

[BecomingNervous]

I thoroughly agree that that is a wise choice, best to make children know the dangers and the hurt these things can cause. I wouldn't wish the upset and uncertainty that I have been going through for the past 10 months onto anybody, let alone a relative or child of my own.

[davet]

its a sad reflection of the times in which we live that no matter how hard you try to avoid these situations, all it takes is one false allegation and your life is thrown into turmoil and limbo.

Time was that a modicum of common sense was all you needed.

I honestly wouldnt know the best advice to give a child growing up today although I think Saffron has the right idea.

[worriedfather]

What i would say to you is to read through the "evidence" that the cps intend to use, In my sons case they conveniently "forgot" to remove statements that had been proved to be untrue. It was only because we sat down with the solicitor that we found that the CPS intended to use this evidence, we then got "oh dear That should have been removed! " from the cps.
The CPS have told us that the amount of evidence that is required to arrest and charge is far lower than that required to get a conviction. we went to court despite my sons accuser having denied that my son used a condom 5-6 times in different statements. we had found a used condom under his bed and it had both sets of DNA on, At the summing up, the CPS barrister said "ignore the condom, it is irrelevant!. Our barrister said that the jury should consider that if she had denied that my son used a condom so many times, she could be making all this up. Not Guilty

[BecomingNervous]

I sat down and went through all of the evidence with a fine tooth comb with my parents and sisters on seperate occasions. I then made notes of all "misleading" information, dicrepencies and contradictions; these were then passed on to my solicitor who seemed happy with the effort that had been put in.

Its nice to hear that about the CPS evidence and charging, however my accuser is saying that she was unconscious and out of it and cant remember a thing and her friend is backing it up by saying "she was very drunk and being sick" 45 minutes to an hour before the intercourse.

However the accuser described the sex very well and also described the t-shirt that I was wearing. When questioned if it was definately my penis that penetrated her she was very adamant using a response along the lines off "I know it was his penis as I felt it, it was like normal sex" which obviously she would not have been aware of if she had been unconscious. There are so many little things about the whole encounter that go to show that it was conscentual intercourse and that she was conscious and coherant, however her story of being unconscious and her friend backing it up does worry me.

Whilst going through the evidence with my solicitor it was clear that what can be used in a good way for defence can also be manipulated to be used against me at the same time. I am of the opinion that these cases are mainly down to the jury on the day and the capability of your defence team.

[Saffron]

Was the accuser's friend in the room with you while you were having sex? I ask because the only way she can back up the complainant's story about being unconscious is if she witnessed sex taking place. She can certainly testify as to the complainant's "state" beforehand, but unless she was in the room with you, she can't possibly know for sure whether the accuser was asleep or conscious. Your barrister should raise this point when he is cross-examining the friend.

Unfortunately you are right that these cases are largely about who comes across as the most credible witness. And most reasonable people genuinely believe that no-one would ever fabricate a rape allegation. You need to dress smartly (but not too smartly - you don't want to look too posh) and make sure you address the jury with your responses. Stay calm and don't snap at the CPS barrister. If you feel that you might break down in tears, don't hold it back. Try to make sure the jury understand how frightened and bemused you are by it all and how horrified you are that anyone might believe you are capable of rape.

I hope it goes well for you. please let us know how it goes.

[BecomingNervous]

Hi Saffron,

I fully agree with what you are saying in respect to her friend not being in the room. I shall indeed mention this to my barrister, however I'm sure that she will have this covered.

I have been out and bought a new suit and a couple of shirts as in the office I work it is "dress down" day everyday! I made sure not to get a black suit and white shirts as mentioned in one of the stickies.

I thoroughly hope I come out on top! I am from a good background, well educated, have no previous convictions for anything and have character witnesses from various people that I have the pleasure of knowing (those that wanted to get involved and not see a good man accused of something such as this). Where as the accuser is a student who was not doing well at the time, who craves attention and admitted on her statement that "she has mood swings and stuff". Obviously somethings will be classed as "hearsay" but her own admission of having mood swings will come in handy I am sure.

I do understand by what you are saying about "And most reasonable people genuinely believe that no-one would ever fabricate a rape allegation." However I also know that many people during their lives have been affected by "attention seekers" who fabircate stories and then run to their ex lover for attention (who was the person that persuaded the accuser to report the alledged offence)

It really is 6 of one, half doven of the other. I just hope I come across well and can justify/demolish/give reasoning to any "suggestions" from the prosecution barrister. My sister (a police officer) thinks I have nothing to worry about, which is also what I would be telling anybody in my exact position having read through the evidence; however being the one in the position sure makes you think if, but, maybe!

Breaking down in tears will not be a problem at all as the allegation deeply upsets me and I was in pieces everytime I have asked someone for a character statement.

I will ensure that I keep you all up to date as I'm sure that people going through the same ordeal will find comfort in reading other people's stories that relate to them.

[davet]

Hi becoming nervous,

Hope you are bearing up, just wanted you to know that someone is thinking about you.