Comments please

[Corkycat]

There was a technical explanation posted previously about this which I've forgotten but as a 'get you home' solution:

....either write the message in Word & copy 'n paste;

....or just before submitting, highlight your message & right click copy; if the message then disappears, just open up a new reply box & paste.

I've been there, done it & got the T shirt, not on this forum but elsewhere (apparently over there on that one, if you're too long composing the message, the software thinks you've gone off and forgotten to log out, so does it for you)

Ah... i see. I suspected that was the case, and after the first time it happened to me, i thought i should copy before posting, then if it failed, paste into a new box, but i forgot until it was too late!!! Doh! Thanks you for you help Casehardened.

[Corkycat]

Hi Corkeycat. Thank you for your lovely message. Not much going on at the moment, all has gone quiet. B/f has had some really down days as he's convinced he's going to prison. He has a 13 year old daughter and it out of his mind with worry as to what will happen to her if the worst happens, despite us having numerous conversations about it. It's so cruel. He can't renew his SIA badge while he's on a charge and it runs out at the end of this month. He's still been working part time as a doorman, albeit miles away from the town where he was accused, because he needs the money. We can't make any plans until this is all over and this is also really frustrating.

Sometimes I just don't know what to say to him. I want to believe that the truth will come out and he he'll be found not guilty but obviously I have thought about the other scenario.

Hi Lifesnotfair, (just got in from work)

i'm afraid that the only thing that you can say to b/f is that he has to remember that he has done nothing wrong, and reassure him that you love and support him. He will be thinking the worst every single moment that he is on his own, he has to try to occupy his mind with other things and it is vital that you spend as much time together doing other things...that is how we coped anyhow. We did absolutely everything that we could together, and i promise that it does work, so please try it.
I believe that generally, more than most people have a reasonable amount of common sense and therefore can spot a liar easily enough. People who lie, do so to get themselves out of certain situations (which is why our accusers falsely accuse in the first place) so when your barrister starts to apply unwanted pressure on the accuser, they will no doubt lie even more. Your man has the truth on his side and he will feel empowered by this when facing questioning in court. The prosecution barrister in my case was clearly uncomfortable with the way i could answer everything without any trouble or hesitation, the truth is a very handy stick to have! The prosecution barrister (who was extremely meticulous, ruthless and thorough...i would want her on my side for anything, even for a game of football, she was damn good and tried very very hard) tried to back me in a corner, but she simply couldn't combat the truth that i was telling her.

People are now more aware of this type of false allegation than ever before, everyone has seen these false accusers being sent to prison for their lies of late, in national newspapers and even on the BBC news. I told absolutely everyone about what was happening with me, even people that i had never met before, they got the gist of why it was happening to me after i explained the basics. So i used this as a gauge as to what Joe Bloggs would think of it all. Please please please do not scare yourselves by reading some of the horror stories on here, every single case will have lots and lots of different circumstances to your b/f's. The truth will be more apparent in some than in others, so don't try to compare your case with any other. The truth will be seen, i'm positive it will.

Your man will think of the worse case scenario, no doubt he will, but he has to remind himself that he hasn't done this and that he has to believe that people will see it for what it is. He has to be stronger now, than he ever has been before in his life and i believe that he will rise to meet the challenge ahead, full on, because i feel that we as humans, adapt to cope with all sorts of experiences, to be prepared for anything that life throws at us. I promise that by the time this gets to court, and even though you will both be very scared when it does, your mind and body will be prepared to cope with it, somehow, it just will.

I, for one, will be with you on this horrific journey, so we'll get through it together, along with the rest of the amazing people on here, giving their help and advice.

I will be thinking of you both because i know how sad a time this is, but please try to be busy bodies...do loads of anything and fight this, you have to!!!

Love and best wishes

Corkycat

[lifesnotfair]

Hi Corkycat

Thanks once again for taking the time and trouble to give your reassurance. Loads of excellent advice. It really is very much appreciated.

x

[felix]

My partner and I found that loads of reassuring sex (with each other ) really helped..... She was wonderful. She decidied that I needed ressuring I was not a rapist and therefore spent ages making sure i was sexually 100% OK. We talked (in and out of bed) about all the worst worries, about the allegations, about how I felt about "the woman")..... She deserves a huge prize, not just a ****ty "we have decided not to proceed" letter sent to me - she got nothing, having had the police in her face with searches etc and not knowing what had happened to me or even which police station I was in at the beginning.