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My OH's father got arrested 2 weeks ago accused of abusing and raping his ex wife (My OH'S Mum)- I know from talking with my OH that they had an abusive marriage, lots of fighting, arguments, shouting - he often lost his temper and hit her..however my OH honestly doesn't think his dads got it in him to rape a woman (and nor do I!!!!)
We have both lived with the man, and although at times he was slightly controlling towards me and my OH, I never felt threatned by him in the slightest (and at times it would just be me him with my little boy in the house)
I agree he was wrong to hit her and should be punished for that, but from my understanding (and from knowing the woman) she likes pushing people to the limit - she will follow people if they walk away from an arguement making very very sensitive and personal insults, keep phoning/texting the person she is having a conflict with and try to make their life a living hell, so she is very IN YOUR FACE, intense and intimidasting. She has been very intimidating towards me at times, even when I was pregnant and had a newborn son she would have me on the verge of tears and shaking with anger (and I am very placid!!!!)
She has a long history of psych problems - is on a million and one tablets and spends most of her days sleeping, or getting drunk. Shes never looking after her 13yr old boy who has numerous health probs - he gets a free taxi to school and is rarely 'looked after' by her in my opinion, she just makes a huge show out of everything to make it look as if she cares about him, when all she can think about is number 1. If he was ever after affection or love when we lived at his dads - he would go and see him (they live opposite eachother!)
Anyway enough background, he was arrested on the 17th june and has been released on bail until the 16th of July I think (roughly a month anyway!!)
He didnt say anything in his interview as his solicitor advised him to say "no comment" to everything
One of his 3 sons (aged 20) gave a statement saying his dad was violent towards his mum (my guess is he was bullied into giving a statement as he lives with her) - however in respect of the rape charges I guess its his word against hers. He is 70, she is 50 and this has only come out of the woodwork since they had a fallout a few weeks ago - he used to do alot for her despite them being divorced (picks up pescriptions, cooks for her, shops for her, takes her to hosp appts, goes on hols with her etc) so its not as if she is scared of him! She also has a long history of what I will call "Massive dramas"
She has rung the police/ambulance service a ridiculous amount of times in the past few years, more times than most people would need to ring over a life time, usually because she has had a "huge injury" or is on the "brink of death" usually all self infilicted or made up illnesses - especially when someone else is getting attention for a genuine illness or problem - I am honestley surprised she hasnt set her house on fire and accused someone of that just so she can call the fire brigade and police! She had meningitis after I contracted it after giving birth, shes been pushed over twice this year, shes had breathing difficulities, problems with her supposed diaviticulistis, suicide 'attempts' etc etc etc. - it seems she might have munchasens syndrome too - although I am pretty sure she just loves the drama of calling an ambulance and getting all her sons around her spoiling her.
I am unsure where I am going with this just wanted to know if she had a leg to stand on in court if it did get there - We havent given evidence and my OH doesn't want to - I am in a similar position as I guess we can't be 100% he didnt do it - I am just 99% sure he wouldnt.
My OH took the news badly, it seems she wants to ruin everyones lives - my OH and I have decided we don't want her to see our son anymore, he turns 2 on sunday and I think its quite inapproperiate to have such a bad infulence in his life - she has played head games with both of us and I don't want her doing the same thing to him in 10yrs time! I have also decided not to be involved with her - had I known what she was like before I had my son, I would have backed away and left my other half - shes a very very messed up, manipulating woman.
I am wondering what will happen next, I cant imagine my FIL going to prison but I know how convincing she is, she has this sickening innocence about her when she has any involvement with social services/the police/ambulance service as if shes nice as pie. I am scared she will start making these accusations all the time, given the attention shes been getting - what on earth are we supposed to do if she starts accusing me, my other half or my family of doing something we havent done? It doesnt bear thinking about, she just seems on a mission to destroy every life around her because shes not happy.
We are supporting OH's dad as much as poss but its hard to know what to say/do... Hes on meds for stress and sleeping problems and tbh I wouldnt be surpised if the poor man is suicidal - this is a final straw for all of us...not exactly what you'd hope retirement to be..poor guy.
Any words of wisdom?
H
We have both lived with the man, and although at times he was slightly controlling towards me and my OH, I never felt threatned by him in the slightest (and at times it would just be me him with my little boy in the house)
I agree he was wrong to hit her and should be punished for that, but from my understanding (and from knowing the woman) she likes pushing people to the limit - she will follow people if they walk away from an arguement making very very sensitive and personal insults, keep phoning/texting the person she is having a conflict with and try to make their life a living hell, so she is very IN YOUR FACE, intense and intimidasting. She has been very intimidating towards me at times, even when I was pregnant and had a newborn son she would have me on the verge of tears and shaking with anger (and I am very placid!!!!)
She has a long history of psych problems - is on a million and one tablets and spends most of her days sleeping, or getting drunk. Shes never looking after her 13yr old boy who has numerous health probs - he gets a free taxi to school and is rarely 'looked after' by her in my opinion, she just makes a huge show out of everything to make it look as if she cares about him, when all she can think about is number 1. If he was ever after affection or love when we lived at his dads - he would go and see him (they live opposite eachother!)
Anyway enough background, he was arrested on the 17th june and has been released on bail until the 16th of July I think (roughly a month anyway!!)
He didnt say anything in his interview as his solicitor advised him to say "no comment" to everything
One of his 3 sons (aged 20) gave a statement saying his dad was violent towards his mum (my guess is he was bullied into giving a statement as he lives with her) - however in respect of the rape charges I guess its his word against hers. He is 70, she is 50 and this has only come out of the woodwork since they had a fallout a few weeks ago - he used to do alot for her despite them being divorced (picks up pescriptions, cooks for her, shops for her, takes her to hosp appts, goes on hols with her etc) so its not as if she is scared of him! She also has a long history of what I will call "Massive dramas"
She has rung the police/ambulance service a ridiculous amount of times in the past few years, more times than most people would need to ring over a life time, usually because she has had a "huge injury" or is on the "brink of death" usually all self infilicted or made up illnesses - especially when someone else is getting attention for a genuine illness or problem - I am honestley surprised she hasnt set her house on fire and accused someone of that just so she can call the fire brigade and police! She had meningitis after I contracted it after giving birth, shes been pushed over twice this year, shes had breathing difficulities, problems with her supposed diaviticulistis, suicide 'attempts' etc etc etc. - it seems she might have munchasens syndrome too - although I am pretty sure she just loves the drama of calling an ambulance and getting all her sons around her spoiling her.
I am unsure where I am going with this just wanted to know if she had a leg to stand on in court if it did get there - We havent given evidence and my OH doesn't want to - I am in a similar position as I guess we can't be 100% he didnt do it - I am just 99% sure he wouldnt.
My OH took the news badly, it seems she wants to ruin everyones lives - my OH and I have decided we don't want her to see our son anymore, he turns 2 on sunday and I think its quite inapproperiate to have such a bad infulence in his life - she has played head games with both of us and I don't want her doing the same thing to him in 10yrs time! I have also decided not to be involved with her - had I known what she was like before I had my son, I would have backed away and left my other half - shes a very very messed up, manipulating woman.
I am wondering what will happen next, I cant imagine my FIL going to prison but I know how convincing she is, she has this sickening innocence about her when she has any involvement with social services/the police/ambulance service as if shes nice as pie. I am scared she will start making these accusations all the time, given the attention shes been getting - what on earth are we supposed to do if she starts accusing me, my other half or my family of doing something we havent done? It doesnt bear thinking about, she just seems on a mission to destroy every life around her because shes not happy.
We are supporting OH's dad as much as poss but its hard to know what to say/do... Hes on meds for stress and sleeping problems and tbh I wouldnt be surpised if the poor man is suicidal - this is a final straw for all of us...not exactly what you'd hope retirement to be..poor guy.
Any words of wisdom?
H
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