Feeling like i did a year ago when all this started,

[kanday]

Hi we're now just 2 weeks away from the family finding of facts trail and altough all along i've been feeling as positive as can be about everything i now keep feeling sick and emotinal when i think about it, the accuser has refused to attend which obviously goes more in our favour but there's always the what ifs. My husband also has his plea hearing just a week later, every thing is moving fast which is a good thing because it's been going on nearly a year now but i'm getting really worried about everything. His date for criminal trail is oct but isn't fixed, theres so much swimming round my head, our baby is 7 weeks old today and i can't bare to think of him and his brother growing up without their dad. I keep reading on other posts about specialised sols, my husbands was recommended by my family sol so i don't think they are which is making me worry even more. What will happen at the plea hearing is it just simply hearing my husbands plea?

[Rights Fighter]

PCMH - Plea and Case Management Hearing: hubby will be asked to stand and then will be asked whether he is guilty or not guilty on each count on the indictment. he will then be asked to sit.

There should be legal arguments from both sides (barristers); Judge will probably tell the Crown off as no doubt they will not be "ready" and a date for the trial will be set.

[kanday]

Thank you, so is it wishfull thinking on my part hoping it could get thrown out there? just still can't belive it's all gone as far as what it has. Will i be allowed in the plea hearing? Sorry for all the questions but no one else to talk to that understands.

[Rights Fighter]

It's rare that proceedings are stopped/thrown out but not unheard of either. This is usually done on an abuse of process argument or new evidence that proves beyond all doubt the alleged offence did not occur (I don't mean ordinary defence evidence).

You should be allowed into the plea hearing. Hopefully counsel (barrister) will be able to talk through what is happening before you go in - last week I was at Derby Crown court and we waited a short time and managed to get a conference room so we all packed in there. No evidence was discussed just what was going to happen.

Plus, BY LAW the barrister has to tell the defendant that credit will be given for a guilty plea there and then. This does not mean that the barrister is telling them to plead guilty - it is just advice that they HAVE to give.

[kanday]

Thank you i appreciate your time. Husband breifly met his barrister at crown court and recieved a phone call today to say he now needs to make an apointment to see him as they have received paper work from the other side about what the allegations are, i'm assuming this is her statement etc?
I'm glad were finally moving forward with everything but i think the stress is getting to us both, i keep breaking down, obviously it because the family trail is so close now i just keep thinking that we'll get through this one then not long after it'll be the criminal one and how will we make it? if i didn't have my children i really don't know how i'd get through each day, sorry for going on my husband says i need to open up more and talk but i find it hard because i break down and feel a failure for not staying strong, this is much easier than talking. He doesn't really talk either he is drinking alot more but i can't blame him it's his way of trying to cope.
I hope i'm allowed in to support him, going to TRY not to think about it too much and concentrate on getting through this finding of facts first.

[Rights Fighter]

Sorry - I misunderstood; I thought you were asking about the criminal matter/trial.

My forte is the criminal side not family so I cannot really advise on that (family) score.

Of course you are breaking down and please do NOT believe that you are a failure for doing so - your whole world is falling apart in front of your very eyes. Who wouldn't under those circumstances?

Have you seen your GP for some help with medication to help with the anxiety? if not, I know that "Quiet Life" tablets help me when I am going through a stressful time that makes me more sensitive. You can get them from some supermarkets and chemist/health shops.

They might help hubby too. Mr Booze is only a short-term diversion. Hangovers and wonky thinking the next day are not very pleasant side-effects.

[kanday]

No you didn't misunderstand i was asking about the criminal trail, because of my ex using the allegation to keep my 2 girls we're facing both family and criminal courts(he is making an allegation against me saying because i am supporting my husband and belive the allegation against him to be untrue i am therefore knowingly putting my children at risk). This is why it's so confusing for people, even me. once we get through the family one we can't relax because then the criminal one follows in a few months and i don't know which scares me more. Our family sols have pre warned us it's harder to prove innocent in the finding of facts even though she's refusing to attend, just seems so unfair that she's belived with no evidence, her statement doesn't add up and she wont attend! If husband is found guilty at the finding of facts ss have told me i have to seperate from him and he can't see our 20month and 7 week old sons, but they haven't said what would happen if he then went to be found not guilty in the criminal court. I really belive he'll get found not guilty at the finding of facts, well because he is innocent! i just can't bring myself to think the judge wont see that i think that's my way of coping with everything.

My husband has mentioned going to the docs on a few occasions but thats as far as it goes, he's mostley ok through the day because he works hard so trys not to think about everything, it's on a night when he's not with us that's hard for him, esp if i have the girls and he's not allowed home at all, he'll use drink to try block it out and help him sleep.He would probably benefit from some sleeping tablets.

I won't go to the doc because same as i said when my girls dad had an affair with my best friend(they're married now and she's supporting him in trying to keep my girls!), i won't give anyone the satisfaction of pushing me to have to rely on tablets everyday, my mum has been on them for as long as i can remember and i don't want that, i need to be strong and here for my husband and children. I would possibly try the ones you suggest but i am breast feeding so would have to check if i can. thank you.

Sorry i know i go on i just wish someone could tell me it's all goin to be ok, i've even thought about going to see a medium ha,ha

[Saffron]

Hi Kanday

OK, I just want to outline the bones of this for other members.

Your hubby has had a false allegation amde against him (by his ex?)
Your ex-hubby is using this to try and take the kids away from you.
You therefore have 2 court cases to contend with - family and criminal.

Is that right? Hope I have understood properly.
Please don't think that there is any shame at all in going to see your GP. Your doc won't necessarily provide meds - they might refer you to a counsellor.

Keep your chin up. Thinking of you

[kanday]

Hi there, you're nearly right, the allegation has been made by my hubbys cousin, she is saying it happened 12 years ago when she was 10 and he 16, he lived with her parents and obviously her for 18 months but he also had his gf at the time living there and they had an older lad there too.He is innocent, she made the allegation to her mum in a drunken argument and this is where its ended up.

Yes unfortunatly my ex has been given the perfect excuse to do what he's been dreaming about for years(he takes great pleasure in hurting me and knows the way to do it is with my babies), it was my very bad luck the girls were at his for the week or he wouldn't have been able to do what he has.
My girls have been deeply effected by this too, not only are they limited to seeing me and their brothers they haven't seen their sted dad for a year nearly now and they miss him. They are still in tears each time i have to take them back to their dads and it breaks me but thats why i need to stay strong for them. My eldest came crying to me a few months back because her dad had told her that sted dad was going to prison, what 7 year old wants to hear that?! Whenever i feel like breaking down i think of them. They're not the same little girls they were my 5 year old gets really angry easily and my 7 year old shouts alot, they're both so brave though i'm so proud of them.
So yes we have two court cases, the first one been in less then 2 weeks
I cant face bringing myself to go to the doc i'll feel defeated and nothing can take away this constant hurt in me, can feel it in my insides its hard to describe but im sure others who have been or are going through this feel it.