Dont know where to start really.....

[Mooncatt]

So i guess the beginning is the best place...
11 years ago, i was 21 at the time. i had just moved in with my girlfriend and i was really happy. things were going great, i had a full time job and my girlfriend had a full time job too.
to cut a long story short this young girl started to "leach" on to us both and come round our house all the time. we had rabbits and hamsters as pets and we both put it down to her being young and enjoyed the company of our pets.
anyway, i had a week off work and while my girlfriend was at work i was left alone in the house while this young girl kept coming round. Looking back i feel so naive and stupid that i could allow this girl to come into my house while i was alone with her.....she came onto me, i put an immediate stop to it!! i wasnt harsh with her, but i explained to her that i love my girlfriend and that i was flattered etc etc....you get the idea.

I heard nothing from her for over a week. Then, one early thursday morning me and the missus were woken up by a furious "rapping" on the door. this naturely scared us, and i called out and asked who it was, i got the reply "open the door and you will find out!!!" i said " im not opening the door to anyone like you"
they then decided to start knocking the door down, i did eventually open the door before they smashed it in.

i was told i was under arrest for the rape and indecent assault of "girls name here" and they read me my rights. i was frozen with fear and confusion. i dont mean to write this like a story and im sorry if thats how its coming accross i dont mean it to, i just wanna tell you what happened before i get to my questions and ask for advice....

i was kept in a police cell until monday, i wasnt allowed a smoke, shave, shower, wash or any writing material. i was allowed a phone call and thats all.
i was interviewed more times than i care to remember and i cried in my cell more times than i care to remember. but during the interviews something came over me, like some kind of strength that made me calm and collected, to the point, and not take any ****e from the bullies that the CID actually were towards me. what happened to innocent until proven guilty? coz as far as i can tell i was guilty and that was that. they did tests on me, DNA from the penis, mouth etc and they took away most of my things in my house.

I was let out on bail, i wasnt allowed in my home town though. i was lucky enough to have an aunt an uncle just outside my home town that i could stay with. i stayed with them for 3 months. during this time, the strain on my relationship proved too much and collapsed. i was so depressed i was on anti-depressants and i lost my job. i felt like suicide, i turned to drink and that seemed to null the pain i was in.

ive just noticed, i havent actually mentioned the fact that im innocent until this point lol anways, i had another court hearing and again i get bail but this time im allowed into my home town but not into the estate where the alleged rape took place, so i stay with my gran. she lives in a 1 bedroom flat, so im in the living room on a mattress. again, drink makes it all go away and im happy for a short time. this goes on for another 3 months.
one night on a day i cant remember i get a phone call off my solicitor (who by the way was great) she asks me (ironically) if im in the mood to get drunk. and i reply " i am going to anyway"
she tells me that all charges are being dropped against me and that the tests that were done on the girl turned out i couldnt have raped her as her hymen was still intact and that none of my DNA was found anywhere about her person.
so its all over.....
now what? my reputation is in ruin, my life has been destroyed and im pretty much a raving alcholic....yeah, thanks very much for all that ill just carry on now shall i?
and i did, i picked myself up, got a job and moved on. there is a big "but" in all of this.....
ive never gotten over it. before, i was a really nice, happy, placid person almost horizontal i was that laid back. its taken all this time to understand that i now have a problem. not with drink (im fine with that now) but with my anger, im soooo angry at everything! im angry at the police, angry at the girl. my anger is ampliflied at things that shouldnt annoy me, and everytime i get angry every bit of what i just told you and more, is always there in my mind, sat there, and ruining my life 11 years later and i dont know what to do anymore. i was never offered advice or support from the police or anyone. i just got chucked out of court and was sent on my merry way.
i dont want to be angry anymore, i want to be like i used to be and i cant do that until find someone who can help me. so please help and i appreciate any advice anyone can give.
thanks

[Mooncatt]

i forgot to add....
after all this had been done and dusted i found out that this girl had done accused someone of this before but down south, im was up north and apparently they had to move from the south to the north because of this.....

[largactyl1]

Hi Mooncatt, what a horrible trauma. That you are feeling so much anger can itself be exacerbated by depression. Have you had any counselling? This event clearly has caused some kind of post-traumatic stress within you - and unsurprisingly so. As you said - once it was over, it was just over and yet for you it was not.

I really feel that you should see your GP as a matter of urgency and describe the symptoms you have. Do you have trouble sleeping? Do you have flashbacks to the stress of being locked up and being bewildered and frightened? Is your mood low? How are your relationships with others? Do you still feel suicidal sometimes? Do you eat properly? You have done very well to stop drinking to self-medicate. You clearly feel (justifiable) rage. All of these things point to some kind of depression. However, it has gotten to the stage where it is eating you up horribly, I would talk to the GP and request counselling for PTSD, if they say it will take a while then ask to be referred to a psychiatrist who will be able to sort something more quickly than a GP.

This has gone on way too long, and your story is one that emphasizes how dreadfully a false allegation can harm the victim (of the False allegation). Did anything ever happen to your accuser - I guess not, and the injustice must burn horribly. Other people will be along to advise you later

Best wishes
Jen

[friday]

Just want to say welcome but sorry it is under these circumstances. You have been through a trauma and it unfortunately takes a long time to heal. One good thing is that with the help of others (friends, doctors etc) things can get better a lot quicker but it still won't be overnight. I don't have much to add, I think Jen has said it all! You are not alone (unfortunately) and I hope you can find some comfort from other people who have been through the same thing.

[Casehardened]

i dont mean to write this like a story and im sorry if thats how its coming accross i dont mean it to, i just wanna tell you what happened before i get to my questions and ask for advice....

In all seriousness you might find it helps you by actually doing this.

You have made a start by posting some of your thoughts on here; did you feel any relaxation by doing this? If so add lots more detail about your life beforehand, the ordeal and how it's affected you afterwards plus your feelings towards the girl and how she has fared since, save it all on a memory stick or CD and label it accordingly.

This subject has been discussed on here recently and I think the consensus was that anything like this is unlikely to get published but that's not the point; you write the tale as if you are going to expose her to the world, and if it's saved on a memory stick it's always there to be found

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...ess&highlight=

[RFLH]

good advice. Please stick around and help others on here, its a strange sort of comfort to know that you're not alone feeling this way.

[Mooncatt]

thanks so much for the replies, i will stick around. it made me feel so much better seeing what others also think. when i was writing the post last night i did cry while i was doing it. but to try and answer some of the questions you have asked....
i eat and sleep fine, its just i get angry for no reason and then get upset. i snap at silly things and all the while i know what the route cause is.

Nothing happened to the accuser, she was able to carry on like nothing had happened. i find it strange that when a woman is raped there is all the support in the world for her, but when a man is falsely accused, and then the police/court realise is false there is no support at all. im not saying that being raped doesnt deserve any support, im sure its probably the most traumatic thing to happen to someone, it really must be terrifying.

at the moment i would say my life is great, i dont live in the area anymore, infact im over 200miles away i live in remote countryside with my girlfriend of 2years which is just how i like it. but again, sometimes my emotions get the better of me and ill get ratty and irritable for no reason at all.

[Raptorace]

Hey buddy, I know just how you feel. I got NFA'd a few weeks ago and thought that that would calm down my anger and hate towards my accuser, but no, I still feel and KNOW I have to even the score to be able to move on. You got royaly rolled over through no fault of your own and that ruins lives, in this case yours for many years. I'd like to think counciling and time and being the bigger person would get me over it, but I'm not that strong unfortunately. So if you put you mind to it you can come up with many ways to reek havoc and fear in an accusers life without breaking the law. And for me getting somewhat even is the only way to move on.

Just read that back and I sound like a physco!! What has she done to me???

[Saffron]

Hi Mooncat

Sorry that this is obviously still haunting you. However Raptorace is right - the best form of revenge is survival. If you can't move on, you are still allowing her to affect you in a negative way all these years later. I'm not for one minute suggesting that it wasn't a terrifying ordeal for you - of course it was.
Please talk to your doctor. My R has never been the same since he was accused. He buries it, but it still rears its ugly head now and then (usually after a glass or three of wine!)

Stay strong