i dont know where to start.

[tiasmum]

Omg i dont know where to start and i wish i hadnt read some of the other threads. my heart goes out to every single one of them and i know exactly how they feel as we are in the same boat and i feel like its sinking........

I feel sick to the pit of my stomach and i'm not sure how we should be looking at this.

My lovely hubby who i've been with for 12yrs married for 10 has been accused of rape and sexual abuse by my 15yr old daughter (his step daughter). on top of that she has also accused him of beating our 2 children. (there are 6 kids altogether)
a few yrs ago i decided she could live with her dad as i'd had enough and couldnt cope with her anymore. she lived with him for just over a yr and in that time ran away from home for days on end and accused him of beating her up when she'd had actually had a fight with some kid.
everyone bent over backwards to help her and she threw it back in everyones faces.
social services got involved and her dad didnt want her back so social services put the preasure on for her to come home as i have a duty as a parent and parental responsibilies so she came back home. she got straight back into her old ways and i called social services to help and they said no.
in the end she ran away one night and i wouldnt let her back so social services had to deal with her. since then it's been utter hell, my wonderful hubby has been accused of things that r just not true. had the police and social services at my home telling me of the accusations, 3 of my kids interviewed at school without my knowledge. police asking myself and hubby questions (seperately and at home). hubby was very forthcoming and said was quite happy to cooperate ect,police officer said he'll ring in a few weeks, hubby said not a problem he'd gladly come for questioning etc, then heard nothing for 2-3 months until police ring his employer (school!!!) asking if they could come and arrest my husband as they didnt know his work hrs. the school said not in any circumstance r they to do that and they informed hubby to take few days leave and get it sorted. school fully support him as he's been known to them for years. hubby (fuming) rang the police officer who wanted to arrest him at work and said that he would come voluntarily to stn for questioning now and was told it couldnt be done for 3 days??? (really important then). hubby went for questining and was cautioned and told of 6 seperate counts. one was rape, one was sexual abuse, one was beating, one was assult on our youngest. other was threatening txts sent to her by him saying if she told the police he'd kill her. well his phone was taken off him and when he told me of this i printed off his bills which proved he didnt. the last supposed attack was 2months before she went to the police yet didnt save any evidence yet she is fully aware of the law and also stated we had guests round which we didnt??? and there r other people in the house that can varify that.
anyway hes on bail till sept should we be worried??
also why have they not spoken to any of the other kids??

i'm sick to death of the patronising smirking bloody social worker who turns up at school at the drop of a hat to speak to my kids.

if school ring SS can i demand that my kids have someone else in the room as i'm really not at all happy with the social worker and wouldnt put it past her to twist things a bit?

My little ones know something isnt right and we as a family r under huge stress and i'm just about holding it together although i did finally break down today after 4 months. but they r now worried i'll be cross with them cos i asked them what she said and they're being coy about it.
my hubby just shrugs it off saying it didnt happen so they cant arrest me with no evidence and everyone knows shes a liar, i even have her fathers family backing us up and my family. i just keep thinking what if this....what if that.
He's not even bothered with a solicitor!

i cant even begin to imagine what will happen if they believe her, he'll loose his job, would prob have to leave our home and his kids could only see him under supervision what sort of family life is that? not one i married him for that i do know.

i dunno what to do and i just feel like i cant cope anymore.

please someone help i'm desperate

[66dw99]

Hello and welcome to the forum, I'm sorry that you've found your way here under these circumstances.

Please tell your hubby NOT to answer any more questions without a solicitor present. The police are not there to help him, they will not be looking for any evidence that will prove his innocence but in fact will be looking for anything that will show that he might have done it. They will use under hand tactics as you've already found. The police don't even care if he's done it or not, they don't care that they might be ruining your lives because of these false allegations. All they care about is getting convictions for rape so their figures are up to scratch. Unfortunately in cases like this, it is guilty until proven innocent, so although your hubby is thinking well I haven't done it so they can't prove it, they don't need proof, they don't need evidence, her word is enough.

As for the child snatchers ... ermm sorry I mean social services, they are even worse than the police, if you have any meetings with them, make sure you record everything they say, it's not a case of they might twist what you say but a case of they WILL twist what you say. In their eyes you are an easy target. They don't go for the rough families because they might get attacked and hurt, ooooft, they don't get paid enough for that. They are not trained but programmed, they really do believe that it's impossible for children to lie so in their eyes your hubby is already guilty.

I'm sorry to paint such a negative picture but you really do need to be prepared in case your hubby is charged.

I'm am keeping my fingers crossed that things go well for you.

[tiasmum]

Hi 66dw99

thank you very much for your reply and advice.

I've just read it open mouthed and gobsmacked.

I dont know where to even start getting him a solicitor, i've never needed one before and to be honest we can't afford one either so where do i start?

I can't believe we've been so blind. I thought we were helping the police prove my daughter was lying but obviously not.

What do I do now? hubbys abroad at the moment.

I knew there was something not quite right and had a niggling in the back of my head. ( not about hubby's innocence ) just about the whole investigation thing altogether. I knew we should be worried and he just kept shrugging it off.

regarding the kids (7&9)and them being questioned at school by social services can i refuse or demand that someone, an adult be present? I can't believe school would let a 7 or 9 yr old be questioned by and adult with authority without there being another adult there to ensure the questions r appropriate.

Oh god i really don't know what to do.

[noodles]

Hi, what an awful situation for you.

We have been told by our solicitor if the allegation has been made by a minor, even if historic (as In our case) and if there has been opportunity (which of course there is if you lived together!) then it will always go to trial. The people who work in law may know more about the truth in that statement though.

Unfortunately cases do go to trial with no evidence at all other than word against word and as our solicitor said 'it's whoever puts on the best show on the day'. Which is an awful feeling.

My husband was on bail for a year and all phones, cameras and computers were taken away for checking and one of bail conditions were he couldn't have any unsupervised access with any child under 18 so the past 18 months has had to stay at his dads, As I have a four year old. so it seems to me that as he has been allowed home and can still work in the school that it's a positive sign.

Oh and just something else to add, the cps weren't interested in any evidence from us just from her, he was never re-questioned even though she was and couldn't give no further details of his past life until he had been charged and this info was given to the solicitor.

The only thing I can try to say is you can cope because you have to! I feel I worry more than my husband and I really admire his strength. I know it's hard as you worry about ss, which is understandable. When they came to see me they couldn't believe me and hubby were still together! I soon told them we were very together and nothing was changing that. They were trying to pry into my Childs fathers info but I refused to give it and they soon backed off and sent me a letter saying they have closed their involvement, so stay strong against them! The only thing to do is try to carry on each day as you normally would until you here more. Xx

[noodles]

If you say what county you are in, then someone should be able to maybe point you in the right direction.

I don't believe the children should have been spoke to without a second adult, as as said things are twisted or the child doesn't understand properly etc. I certainly would be livid. Ss asked if they could go to my Childs nursery to observe play (again couldn't believe I hadn't told the nursery, poor hubby didn't want to as everyone thinks guilty until innocent understandardly) and I said no they would have to come to the house but they never saw her.

My hubby didn't have a solicitor until he was charged he did talk to them before but they said as they hadn't been there for the initial interview they couldnt do a lot unless they charge him.

[Casehardened]

We have been told by our solicitor if the allegation has been made by a minor, even if historic (as In our case) and if there has been opportunity (which of course there is if you lived together!) then it will always go to trial. The people who work in law may know more about the truth in that statement though.

Dear Friends,

Just wanted to reassure both of you that, unless the goalposts have been moved in the last couple of years, that this is not so. (from my own experience)

[66dw99]

Hi 66dw99

thank you very much for your reply and advice.

I've just read it open mouthed and gobsmacked.

I dont know where to even start getting him a solicitor, i've never needed one before and to be honest we can't afford one either so where do i start?

I can't believe we've been so blind. I thought we were helping the police prove my daughter was lying but obviously not.

What do I do now? hubbys abroad at the moment.

I knew there was something not quite right and had a niggling in the back of my head. ( not about hubby's innocence ) just about the whole investigation thing altogether. I knew we should be worried and he just kept shrugging it off.

regarding the kids (7&9)and them being questioned at school by social services can i refuse or demand that someone, an adult be present? I can't believe school would let a 7 or 9 yr old be questioned by and adult with authority without there being another adult there to ensure the questions r appropriate.

Oh god i really don't know what to do.

Yes you can demand that another adult be present. Most schools these days have a support worker who works closely with the SS and the school and they should have been present. You should write a letter to the SS telling them that you don't want them going to the school and questioning/scaring your children. Tell them that they can see your children but another adult must be present. Send the same letter to the school and let the headteacher know.

The SS are very sneaky, they will use scare tactics, they will threaten to take your children away if you are shown to be supporting your husband as they will tell you that you are not looking after their emotional welfare. Just bare in mind that they have to go through the family courts if they want to put kids into foster care though, in which case they need evidence. This is where the twisting your words comes into play, they will tell a judge that you have said all sorts that you haven't or didn't mean, which is why you need to record everything they say.

As regards to a solicitor, if your husband is questioned again, he is entitled to a duty solicitor. Tell him to make sure he asks for one. At the moment a solicitor can't do much as he hasn't been charged and there are no papers for them to go through. You can phone a Sol though and get some advice, most offer the first hour or so free. As noodles said, post your area and someone will point you in the right direction.

I have also been told that the majority of these cases do go to court but only after the accused has been charged. Even if the accuser retracts their statement, it will still go to court.

[Rights Fighter]

Hi 66dw99
I dont know where to even start getting him a solicitor, i've never needed one before and to be honest we can't afford one either so where do i start?


regarding the kids (7&9)and them being questioned at school by social services can i refuse or demand that someone, an adult be present? I can't believe school would let a 7 or 9 yr old be questioned by and adult with authority without there being another adult there to ensure the questions r appropriate.

Oh god i really don't know what to do.

Hubby is entitled to public funding but depending on which area you live he may have to contribute if he is working. If you post up the county the trial would be I might be able to find a decent solicitor for him.

Contact a family lawyer with regard to the children and SS - some do not work with public funding but some will do.

[Saffron]

Excellent advice above. I can't really add anything else to the mix, but I wanted to say Welcome

[Rights Fighter]

Even if the accuser retracts their statement, it will still go to court.

Not sure how true this is!!! If this happens it would be in very unusual circumstances.

[noodles]

We have also been told this x

[tiasmum]

thank you all so much for your advice.

We are in se uk.

My whole world is falling down around me and theres nothing i can do.

Yes hubby has been allowed home but not at work for last 2 weeks, he was sent home with the backing from the senior staff who have known my husband for years and told to get it sorted regarding the interview with the police. ss, school and police are having meeting to decide if he can return to work.

My youngest has been medically examined at hospital, not for signs of sexual abuse but for bruises and scars. the doctor was quite happy with him, just had the usual play bruises. i didnt give the doctors anything to go on, other than one day the 2 youngest were running riot and were told on numeruos occasions to stop, they both came charging down the stairs and knocked the stair gate off (which is there to stop the dogs going upstairs) so my hubby shouted and told them thats enough and tapped youngest under the chin and told him to go to his room. he didnt hit him or punch him and he didnt even cry. started moaning because he wanted to come downstairs and then realised his mouth was bleeding a bit where he had bit the inside of his cheek ever so slightly. then he started crying so hubby called him down and asked what was wrong now.....his mouth was rinsed dad gave a cuddle and they sat and watch tv...... thought nothing of it till the call from school explaining they were getting social services involved hence the medical examination.
anyway, during the examination the doc found no scars or severebruising except the ones all over the top of his head most of which were done at school. except one that was done on holiday, one where he jumped up but the cupboard door was open and another he was toddling and rushed to get to me in another room and fell and hit his head on the door frame. the original doc doing the examination then called for a 2nd opinion (i knew why, but couldnt let on, you'll see why) the 2nd peadiatrician came in started examining him, and was shocked as to how he over extends his limbs (joints) and asked if he falls over all the time to which i said yes, everyday i get a note home to say he's fallen over at school and i even joke that they should just give me one on days where he hasn't as it would save paper. You see my youngest was born with cerebral palsy which (although mild) causes him to fall over fresh air, he also hyperextends his joints which means knees bend backwards and his fingers when his hand is out flat bend like a banana and causes him to fall over 9not fingers, his legs). the docs knew nothing of this at the start and had to find it all out by themselves. they did try to contact his consultant but in the hour we were there they couldnt get hold of her. they turned to the duty social worker and said there is nothing wrong with this child. on leaving the hospital he fell over right in front of the social worker which just confirmed everything the docs had just said.

Yesterday we get a call from school to say my son said my hubby beats the dogs? for a start my son wouldnt use the word beat unless he was talking about beating someone in a race or football match and the dogs r most deffinately not beaten. the puppy gets a smack if shes dug the garden up or chewed something she shouldnt or has nipped the kids trouser legs but thats it they r not beaten, but again ss were called and again my kids interviewed with out an appropriate adult.

just had call from ss who is on her way, will come back soon.

[66dw99]

Not sure how true this is!!! If this happens it would be in very unusual circumstances.

While I was on remand there was a guy in prison who had just been found guilty, 2 of his daughters had accused him of rape. Apparently they had tried to retract their statements a couple of times. I wasn't sure a believed him so I asked my barrister about this and she said it happens, accusers do retract but the cps will press forward and use their statement anyway. Once it's in the process of going to trial there is practically nothing that can stop it. I suppose if the accuser actually admits they made it up then that would be a different matter.

[noodles]

You have a medical report that says that there's nothing untowards to your son which is really good (hopefully in writing? too).

I would ask them for proof of exactly what your child said, this is why police tape the interviews so nothing can be mixed up, you know the child is not confused and can be replayed, I wonder (I don't have much experience, so please excuse this!) if you can say that you want the SS to re-interview your children with same questions but another independant adult present as you do not believe what they are saying and stand form on it. As like you said, you know your own child's language.

Stand firm, keep your head up xx

[Saffron]

Hi Tiasmum

The "beating the dog" comment could have come from the SW asking your lad whether his dad ever smacks him...child says "no" so Social Worker presses on: "Does your daddy smack anyone?"
Child replies "Sometimes he smacks the dogs"

TaDaaa! "We have been told that your husband beats the dogs".
It's as simple and devious as that, I'm afraid.