Already feels like I am in Prison.

[edinguy]

Hi All,

I can’t describe how I am feeling although I am sure a few on here would already know, A while back I had consensual sex with a girl I met outside a local bar (outside I may add) I was blind drunk as the cameras showed as I could barely stand up. I was interviewed by police (without a solicitor stupidly) and DNA and swabs taken. I was not charged but a report was sent (as Im in Scotland).

I know they have the evidence we has sex since I told them and they have the evidence and it will now just be a case of her word against mine which I know will not go well for me. I feel sick to the core that I cheated on my wonderful, beautiful girlfriend. I have never been in any kind of trouble before in my life, live with my amazing girlfriend and have a good job… I am really struggling to cope with everything at the moment. I have the best family around me and girlfriend who’s family also forgave me and know I am not the kind of person who would hurt someone.

I can’t help myself from reading stories on the internet about men convicted of these crimes on much less evidence than in my case and the sentences’ are very frightening they range from 4-12 years in general. I am convinced I will be going away for one drunk night that meant nothing but could so easily ruin my whole future.

My girlfriend (who is a big reason I am still going) is convinced I will be ok but she does not really understand what will happen and keeps pinning all her hopes on nothing happening, which I understand she needs to so she can cope. She says she will stay with me no matter what happens and will wait for me (even if it was half her life) which I am amazed and touched by as she has everything going for her and is a beautiful person outside and inside. I can’t face the fact of being away from her for a period of time such as 3-7 years and how can I ask someone young with everything going for them to put their plans on hold for that amount of time? It breaks my heart to think of what my life could have been like with her and a family of our own but she deserves someone who will be there for her and give her the things I can’t if I am away. Why should she suffer years alone because of a mistake I made, I could be away longer than we have been together which feels like a lifetime already. I love her so much and know whatever happens there will be no one in this world who could take her place in my heart.

Thoughts are going through my head all day every second, I think if it came to it should I just accept my fate and plead guilty so as to be out a year or so earlier than if they found me guilty? It would hurt my family and friends as they know as do I that I would never hurt a fly and I would be tagged as this for life…but the thought of being locked away for a few years extra scares me to death.

I am finding it really hard to eat, sleep, concentrate and be with people I love as every time I do I just think this can all be taken away from me in a flash in a short period of time.

Jail is something I have (as most do not) never considered in my life and the thought of being in there with the animals (and some innocent like me no doubt) frightens me! If i never had my girlfriend in my life I would not be as fearful but the thought of not having her to cuddle or kiss makes me not want to be here anymore.

Sorry to be depressing you all but my life is falling apart and I have no idea how to cope or will cope if the worst happens.

[Saffron]

Hello Edinguy and welcome.

The first thing I would say is that you are not alone.
Yes, you did a stupid thing, but if behaving stupidly was a crime we would all be locked up by now.
Make notes of everything you can remember about the evening.
You say there is CCTV footage - does this include footage of you having sex with this girl?
The legal system in scotland is different to the one I know in England. We do have some members who are in Scotland, I am sure they will be along soon with advice.

Saffron

[psychotic]

sigh i am still waiting

my friend i completely understand how you feel, i have a few good friends who i have told them whats happening and they are all being very supportive! they told me no matter what happens they will still be by me. i found it helpful that i've stop researching on the internet as much now and just go on with daily life. its hard to get up in the morning but at least i am less frantic about it now... my judgement day is may 19... it will be a fun day... my lawyer said i have nothing to worry about until may 19... so i am just trying to "enjoy" the next 2 weeks

like i said i will continue to support people here... i think no matter what happens just to sheer amount of support you get from people in the same shoes show that we as humans are mostly compassionate... my friend i support and believe u to the very end

[edinguy]

Having a bad day!

Can't really describe how I am feeling today to be honest, there is the sick feeling about not knowing what is going to happen. It's funny how your life can change in such a short period of time, before I thought I had problems in my life but this whole thing puts everything into perspective.

I know I shouldn't be but I am researching alot of thing around these accusations and what 'could' happen in the worst case scenario. Since i have not been charged i have not really spoken to my lawyer as untill they charge me there is nothing they will do really. A few things I have seen that are in my head are :

I read about a guy who got 10 years in prison and on top was also given an extended sentence of almost five years under strict monitoring conditions. What does that really mean? Will they have to spend the whole 10 years in prison before being eligble for parole or will it work the same way in which after half being eligble and released at around the 2/3 stage? (Hope someone here can ched light on the extended sentence).

I am so worried about spendin the best part of my life in some prison for something I am not guilty of! The thought of coming out of an enviroment like that to be in my 30's with no job and the loss of time with my partner (who I pray I will still have) is the worst feeling I have ever had. I know if I have children or even the ones in my family I will always warn them about drinking and the whole culture that young people have!

I am the last person I or any of my friends or family thought would be in this position but it just goes to show that this type of thing can happen to anyone at any time. I just wish I had made better judgments but now I have to play the waiting game to see what path my life is going to take.

Anyway I had to get that all out after days and weeks of it building up in my head! Thanks for reading and I appreciate anyone who can shed light on the above.

[psychotic]

i am with you my friend

i'd say our situations are so similar as i also have been arrested but no charge as of now. its only been 2 months and my life has substantially turned upside down cus of this. also in my mid 20s and worried to death what can happen... whatever problems i thought i had before was nothing in comparsion to the stuff we are facing now

so one thing i've learned is to stop thinking negatively, i did so much research online... gone even as far as looking for a job with a criminal record (pretty much there is no hope)... everybody including my lawyer said there is nothing u can do and u should do, just carry on life as normal... so i stopped thinking negatively and now just try my best to carry on... i am amazed how strong we can be with all this happening, thats kind of a sense of achievement i feel despite the situation

i don't know much about conditional sentences after jail terms but i guess my only advice is we don't really need to know about these things, cus we are not going there

hope this helps u to stay strong spiritually!

[Raptorace]

I feel ur pain

Hi edinguy
Mate I truly feel for you. I have just been through the exact same thing. It's simply horrendous!!!!

There are some things you need to keep in mind to keep you sane!

Most of these cases are NFA'd. Just like you I'm sure, no one dares to hope their case will be NFA'd but almost all word against word cases that I've come across are NFA'd.

The CPS have to be sure they stand a 51% or higher chance of conviction before they charge. How can they be that sure with simply word against word? They can't.

Everyone thinks their case is more complex or difficult than others, but the fact is their all complicated. It doesn't mean your going to get charged.

I spent 6 months having a near nervous breakdown over this, then I was NFA'd a few weeks ago.

I know you can't stop worrying, and looking at the worst case scenario is normal for people in this position, but try and keep some perspective. You are not guilty and therefore you have to be very unlucky to get charged let alone convicted. Don't get me wrong, it does happen but mostly not.

Your girlfriend us supportive as is my wife, this is vital and were lucky to have them. After all it's basically family and partners that are the reason we don't all pull a Derek Bird and top ourselves! Make sure you keep doing normal things with her and reassure her, as she will be feeling hurt and scarred. Sure it's frustraighting that the don't always understand the way the law works like you do now but try and let her be happy in her ignorance if this is the situation.

I found reading the sticky on what prison is really like very reassuring, but I'm sure you won't need to find out for real.

It's not easy, it's a long horrible rollacoster ride, but the straps are on and you can't get off till the rude is over, so try to remain phyilasofical and relax when you can.

I hope this us some help but having been there I know it's only going to help a little if any. Try and stay strong buddy.

[edinguy]

Sleepless nights....

Thanks for the responses’ guys, yeah I thought the prospect of getting work after a conviction like this would be very slim. I am still young(ish) in my mid 20’s I don’t want to be unemployed for the rest of my days because of something I am innocent of!

‘Most of these cases are NFA'd. Just like you I'm sure, no one dares to hope their case will be NFA'd but almost all word against word cases that I've come across are NFA'd.’

The thing about that is mines is a bit different as we did actually have sex and it was outdoors, so it’s not really as simple as word against word. I know from things on here like poor Kermit with no evidence was put behind bars for 10 years, so that puts so much fear into me already. You are so right about the families and partners who prevent us from just escaping from this situation, I thank god that I have them in my life as not everyone will.

Last night I lay awake for hours trying to free my mind and get some sleep (not had a proper one in 3 months) but all I could think about was what will happen, should I plead guilt (and spend less time in ‘hell’), should I stand up for the truth and face many more years than the latter? All I have ever wanted out of life is the chance to have a family and be a dad, I had everything going for me and the perfect woman to start a family with and in the blink of an eye it could all be taken from me.

[Raptorace]

Mate don't even think about pleading guilty to something u haven't done. I had the same thoughts myself so I understand but you don't even know if it will go to court yet.
So you had sex outside after a few drinks, your not the first person in the world to do that, and it doesn't suggest rape anymore than sex inside a house.

Get yourself to the doctors for some sleepers, a good sleep will help your state of mind and ability to cope

Stay strong

[Saffron]

As Raptorace said, don't even think about pleading guilty to something you haven't done.
R thought about it - he said he wanted to spare his loved ones the trauma of a trial, and he knew that if he pleaded Guilty he probably wouldn't have gone to jail. However, we (his loved ones) refused to countenance a Guilty plea because we all KNEW he was innocent. He put his life in the hands of "twelve good men and true".

Trial by Jury is a lottery to a certain extent. Like policemen/women, there are good juries and bad juries. The good ones look at all the evidence before they make a decision....the bad ones just go with gut instinct because they want to go home early.

Yes, get yourself to the GP for some sleeping aids. Everything looks better after a decent nights sleep.

Hang in there.

[edinguy]

Update

Thanks Raptorace/Saffron ,
I had a few ‘better’ sleeps last week thankfully (I always sleep better when my girlfriend stays over) It’s strange being back at the parents as myself and my girlfriend were advised to move out as the accuser lived close by.

It’s all this media throwing about the ‘low’ figures of rape and how it’s failing women in the UK, I mean how is that not going to influence a jury who may well me influenced by all of that? It’s probably something I should not be thinking about but I am sure many people on here have had many thoughts like this at some point.

Like yourself my family are adamant about me not pleading guilty and that I should never admit to something I have not done, It’s them I feel so sorry for as this must be killing them too and sometimes I forget that because I am too caught up in how I am going to cope never mind my loved ones. I really wish the process would pick up (at the same time terrified if it does) so I could discuss all my thought with my lawyer if I need to, I have so many that go through my head every day.. IPP’s (I pray every night that this will not happen), Losing friends, Partner, No job prospects…

Sometimes I feel myself get really wound up when at work and people are complaining about the weather for the weekend or what to have for lunch and I am sitting there trying to keep the tears in….wishing I just knew this time next year I would be able to have a good nights sleep or tell my girlfriend we can live together again. It’s not their fault of course as 4 months ago I was one of them who was doing the exact same things.

Sorry to be so doom and gloom again guys, it’s all I have known for the past few months! I hope all of you are keeping strong no matter what you are or have been going through.

[Raptorace]

Hey buddy. Glad your sleeping a bit and getting through it.
It's just a case of trying to keep your cool and getting through this. Easy said, virtually impossible to do, but keep trying.

[Saffron]

The main problem with rape trials is that most of the time there are only 2 witnesses to the event - the complainant and the accused. "stranger rape" is extremely rare and violent rape is not as common as everyone thinks. Often there is little, if any physical proof of force.
This means juries have a pretty unenviable task in trying to ascertain who is telling the truth.
Glad you have managed to get a few decent nights sleep. Hang in there. Keep busy and don't be afraid to lean on your friends and family for support. That way they will feel as though they are helping you, which in turn reduces their sense of helplessness and frustration.

[edinguy]

2 years later and not guilty!!!

Thank you all for everything and I'll be on here to help anyone else going through this utter hell!

God bless you.

[Casehardened]

Two years on!! Well done for coping all of this time and especially for getting through the trial.

Thanks for updating us with the positive outcome, this is good for anyone facing their own ordeal and please accept the traditional bananas

[edinguy]

Two years on!! Well done for coping all of this time and especially for getting through the trial.

Thanks for updating us with the positive outcome, this is good for anyone facing their own ordeal and please accept the traditional bananas

Thanks!

Honestly never ever give up anyone reading this. I've been to hell and back since 2011 and was sitting shaking not knowing if the other day would have been my last with my loved ones.

If you are ever at an utter low just remember you can have your day and when it comes make it count and fight for your life up there, the feeling will never go away for myself or family but we can move on knowing I'm an innocent man.

I can't thank this site enough for getting me through the early and dark days, you people are a god send and your words have helped me during this nightmare.