False allegations of rape from stepdaughter

[hotboxers11]

Were do I start..... I met a lovely women five years ago we fell in love and got married after 18 months. My wife had 2 other children to a previous marriage. They used to see there biological father at the week ends. my wife fell pregnant and we had a lovely daughter. Life was brilliant and everything was going so well. The mother of the father to the older 2 children used to say really bad things and is one very nasty twisted sick minded women who liked to think she could rule my wife and tell us how to bring up the kids and so on. The father of the 2 children was a pain in the but and also tried to think he could rule my wife too. well we as a family was all good I got on great with both children in fact so well the children asked me if they could call me dad. I said yes and all was well up and till the father and his mother got wind of this and started to cause trouble. The father met someone on internet in Australia and started to visit her for months at a time. He left on accations even without telling his own kids he was going. This happened over a 3 years period and it turned out he married this women in Oz. The kids hated him for this and the oldest took to me so well. She worshiped the ground I walked on and really looked up to me as her real father. All kids were great with me and i was good with them. Time went by and oldest became a teenager. she started having boyfriends and was asking to stay out for sleep overs. My oldest step daughter will be 14 in June.

OK this is were all the trouble starts firstly the grandmother started to fall out with us over things stupid stuff. The 2 children stayed over at grandmas house and me my wife and youngest was at hour house. One morning our oldest daughter at 5.00 am in the morning phoned up my mobile as we were still in bed I panicked and asked her what was up. She replied my grandma as got drunk and come into our bedroom accusing me of sleeping with grandad and doing oral with him and grandma as kicked me out of house and I'm walking home. I stayed on the line till she arrived at hour house. My wife and I asked her what had happened and she told us again grandma had accused her of sleeping with grandad and she said she sore my daughter giving grandad a blow job. We was discussed and asked if it was true she said grandma was drunk and she has made it all up. I got ready and went round and asked grandad is this true he said its a load of bull grandma is drunk and i ant even been in there room. so I believed him and my oldest daughter but this is to put you in the picture of how sick of a women she is.

We had more fall outs with this women over a period of time and the wife decided to stop the kids from seeing her. One day she left a really nasty message on the answering machine saying bad things like you are going to find out you ****ing ***** I am going to report you to social services for neglecting your children and letting your husband have sex with them. I was at work at the time she left the message but my wife phoned me and let me listen to it. I told her to phone the police and report it. The police came out and sorted things we agreed to keep away from her not have any contact and she would do the same. Omg next thing is I'm at work my wife phones me telling me social services have been and they want to talk to me. Well as I'm a driver for a living and do long distance i said OK I'll be home at so and so time. They turned up and asked me all sorts of stuff saying that someone had made allegations of me having sex with children and doing bad stuff to them and my wife neglecting them. They did there investigation spoke to all 3 kids individually asked them questions bla bla spoke to me and my wife looked round the house bedrooms sleeping arrangements and so on. after 3 week they closed there investigation and said everything is OK and were happy case closed.

About 2 months after that I had a fall out one morning with my oldest daughter about her seeing boys. OK i admit i should not of looked through her phone and on her Facebook but my wife had told me she was doing stuff sneakily on the computer and on her phone so I took a look and in my horror to find out these lads/boys are chatting up my 13 year old daughter in a sexual way. what they wanted to do to her and so on you know were its going. So i confronted my daughter over these texts and face book. Well she kicked off told me I was not her father and I can not tell her what or who to see. She will do what she wants and I cant do anything about it. well I'm ashamed to say but this upset me and I gave her a slap round the face.. This is the daughter I've brought up as my own for years treat her like my own loved her like my own and gave her a good home food and spend. Holidays ect. My daughter was out raged that I'd slapped her shocked i think cos I'd never raised a finger to her before. I lost it for one second and yes i should not of done it but i did and that's that.

Next thing she turned round to me and said you will pay for this she ran out the door and went to school. I set off for work. I came home late that night to find no one in the house. My wife had packed up a bag and took all 3 kids away. I phoned up family and friends and no one would tell me anything. I text and phoned my wife she would not answer. I went to her family's house nothing at all no one new or would tell me anything. I went home got a shower and went to bed as it was late. Woke up next morning for work did a full shift at work came home and still no sign of her. By this time I am getting really worried. I text the wife phoned her then out the blue she replied.... Me and kids are fine can't say too much police and social services are involved that's all she said. I went to bed and to my horror police were kicking in my front door. I was arrested for rape of my oldest daughter. Omg police took me away to cop shop read me my rights then chucked me in a cell. Next thing i am being swobbed for DNA all over my body even my private parts everywhere. took clippings from my nails scrapings from my hands body and other stuff. combed my pubic hair the full business was not a nice experience trust me. I was interviewed twice kept in police custody for 36 hours then released with out charge on bail with conditions not to have any indirect or direct contact with my wife or any of my children. I am now living with my parents and have to surrender bail on 12 may. I got a solicitor now but this happened 3 months ago. I have not done anything to my daughter and the police will not find any evidence to back this up. In the mean time i have lost my job lost my wife and children and have turned to alcohol to take away the pain. I can not believe one minute I'm happy married with 3 lovely kids having a great time to now having nothing at all. My life as come to a end so it feels like anyway. I really don't know which way to turn and who to seek advice from. Can anyone give me advice or as anyone else been through the same thing. My life really is shattered what do i do

[largactyl1]

Hi there, I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. You must be in terrible shock. Someone experienced will be along at somepoint who can help you with advice.
Kind Regards
Jen

[Shatteredhusband]

HB11,

I read your story and really felt so sorry to hear about what has happened to you and your family.

It seems that your step daughter's motive appears to be revenge for you slapping her. As you say, you deeply regret this.

It is difficult to know if your wife has moved out because she believes your daughter's allegations or whether it is the pressure she is under from SS and police who may be threatening to remove the children if she does not take steps to "protect" them. Especially as the SS were previously told some similar story by your stepdaughter's grandmother, the SS will probably also be investigating your wife in view of the grandmother's suggestion that your wife knew her daughter was being abused. Just adds another complexity to the usual dynamics in these false allegations.

You mention three specific problems which you perceive as arising from the false allegations.

1 you have lost your job - there will be other jobs and although financially this brings some problems, the extra time it affords can be used to work on your case. It is good advice often repeated on the forum, to write down everything you can about the case and draw up a timeline.

2 you have lost your wife - as I said it may well be that your wife has little choice in how she has behaved as she is also being investigated and coerced with threads of removal of her children. You cannot contact her at the moment but it may well be that if your step daughter's lies unravel that your wife will be there for you. The same would apply to your children.

3 you have sought solace in alcohol - this is definitely a real mistake. It is not a coping strategy but a sure fire way to damage your health and ensure that the outcome from this is much worse than it should be. By all means have the odd drink but you need a clear mind to do the groundwork for your case which will help your sol, if the need arises. Although I hope that the inconsistencies which will be present in your step daughters case mean that this nightmare ends and the truth is exposed.

I know why you feel that way but your life definitely has not come to an end, as you say. You cannot change what has happened to you but you can choose how you will respond to it. That response will have a significant effect upon the ultimate outcome. So please get rid of the alcohol it may be numbing your mind but now more than ever you need clarity of thought. Read other threads the information they contain is invaluable and keep coming back with any specific questions or just for support.

Finally well done for having the courage to put things down in words. I know how hard the first step can bee. I am glad that you have made it as you have come to a good place for support, help and advice.

Best wishes
SH

[Saffron]

Excellent advice from SH. I can't really add anything of value, but wanted to say Welcome.

[hotboxers11]

Thank you to everyone with advce

I also failed to mention about 4 or 5 week ago I tried to take my life. I went out for a drink and stayed out all day long. I planned to hang myself in the garden from the tree. The only thing that stopped me doing it at that time was all I could see were my children's faces when they sore me hanging there so I didn't go ahead with that but I went home to my mums house were I was staying at the time. Well my mum has cancer and she has lots of tablets and drugs in the house. I decided to concoct a cocktail of tablets then took them and went up to bed. I left a note for my mum and dad to say sorry but I can't go on in life with out my wife and kids.

Next morning my mum came in the room she could not wake me so she called out for ambulance took me to hospital. I had my stomach pumped and was in hospital for three days. I now am having counseling and is on the waiting list to see a psychiatrist. Because I took a cocktail of mixed drugs I now am suffering with my liver kidney and pancreas. What the hell have I done to myself what a fool I was.

I think about my wife and children every minute of every day. I love them all so much and just wish all this pain and heartache would go away. I have found out by friends of my step daughter that she was actually sneaking up to grandmas after school all throw her mother stopped them having contact she chose to still visit with out us knowing. I'm starting to think that this story as been put into my stepdaughters head by the grandma and my step daughter as took out revenge on me for the slap and took advice by grandma on what to say and how to say it. My step daughter really did and properly still does love me with all her heart. I know for sure she will be missing me as she looked up to me for advice and stuff. what has she done the poor thing I just hope she comes clean asap and tells the truth. I'm not angry and can't get angry at her but i fear that if she keeps this allegation up it will back fire on her and she will loose family friends not to mention if it goes to court how much she will have to go through. It also has been brought to my attention from a family friends daughter who goes to the same school as my step daughter that my step daughter as told a few of her friends she as made it all up. They have now fallen out with her through it. I just hope that they have told there parents and the parents have informed the police. Its now been 3 months since i were accused of this horrible crime and I have to surrender bale on the 12 may. surely the police would of come for me by now if they had any evidence or proof to back these allegations up. I know in my mind its not true and i know deep down my wife knows too but she is a good mum and I can't fault her for sticking by her kids any good mum would do that hay. All i got to do is sit tight and just wait. Thanks to everyone who reads this its helped me a little telling my story.

[Shatteredhusband]

HB11,

First of all let me say how sorry I am that you have had to go through all of this. I am glad that you feel it has helped just to get your story down.

I am glad that you are still with us and that the attempt on your life was unsuccessful. Hopefully the damage to your liver, pancreas and kidneys will recover fully,but may take a couple of months. Your liver is incredibly regenerative but you really should avoid alcohol for a couple of months to prevent any long term damage. If you are physically dependent (withdrawal symptoms) you should see your GP as you may need some support to detox.

You should tell your sol that your step daughter has told others that she lied to the police. I am still on police bail and appreciate how difficult it is as we get so little information about what is going on behind the scenes. It may well be that yourstep daughter has even retracted the allegations but the police investigation will continue and of course you will not be informed.

It may well be that you receive an NFA before the 12th, but you do need to try and get back on track whatever the outcome of the police investigation. Don't worry I know how hard it can be to turn things around. I spent a lot of time in bed watching DVD's at the beginning. Now I try to get out every single day and use any waking time productively. I got back into a routine of getting up at 7am even if I do not have work to go to at the minute.

The police investigation will run its course and whatever the outcome, you have a choice of how prepared you are to deal with it. I would like to suggest that you need to be physically, emotionally and mentally the best that you can be. If you areNFA'd, thatwouldbe great but you need to be as physically fit as you can be and if rebuilding your family is your aim, then you will increase your chance by being in good emotional shape. If the worst happens and you were to be charged, which I sincerelyhope not, then you need to be physically and mentally able to deal best with defending yourself and gaining acquittal. So use this time to get in the best shape to deal with the outcome whatever it is.

You have come to a good place and the support which I have received was instrumental in turning things around. I am still in the police bail limbo but I am so much more positive about how I use my time and will be better prepared whatever the outcome in my case.

Keep posting and if you need routine in your life; start with exercise daily if you can, make a time each day to work on your notes relevant to your case and find some way to pass time and relax - I rediscovered cinema and enjoy it immensely.

Best wishes
SH

[Saffron]

SH, I just wanted to say a huge thank you for the support you are giving to others, even through your own terrible ordeal. You are a true inspiration.

HB11: I too am glad that your attempt to take your own life failed. If you DO end your life, the accuser and any supporters she has will crow that you "couldn't bear the guilt" and that you "took the coward's way out". Don't give them that pleasure!

You have got to get your fighting head on. Don't let this beat you. With the right attitude you will emerge from this a stronger, better wiser person. Make it so.

[Verity]

Hi HB11,
I echo everything SH and saffron have said.
I very nearly did that as well on three occassions, Thank God for forum members. Stay with us, we have or are all sailing the same boat in the same storm.
I don't yet know if we ever stop sailing that boat or if we just get better at it as we carry on in life or with life.
I think at the moment me and hubby Mark are just getting on in life. I hope that as time goes on and with the attaining of some form of justice we will get on with life.
We survived and you must too, for all those who will come on board in the future.
We are 'All in this together'.
Verity

[Kermit]

Hi Hb11

I am so sorry to read your story, i am so glad your attempt on your life failed although i do understand and i no everyone on here is glad your here.
The support from everyone on here im sure will help you!
Write down everything that you can as far as what happened when your step daughter was slapped by you, what caused it, anything that can help show your side of the story.
The Socail Services are a law to themselves they threaten all kinds to innocent families i no they have tried with me and trust me they threatened all kinds if i did not follow thier rules it was bad enough Kermit had to move out of our family home,the threat of losing my daughter was enough for us to follow thier rules.I expect your wife is scared and lonely, hang in there ok.The good kind people on here will give you full support as will all of us that use this site. Your not alone!
Kermits Fiancee