my husband needs help

[stress100]

Hi, I came across of this forum and decided to ask for your support.

Making a long story short, my husband is accused of touching by my daughter from previous relationship, his stepdaughter. In February she sent me a txt msg saying that she is not sure whether she is reading into it or not, but she wanted to share with me that he did touch he in inappropriate places of her body.

It was like a nuclear explosion for me. We are a very close family and she always has been very close to her stepfather, she has even stronger bond with him then her dad. She is 13 years old girl and is very mature for her age. She told me that it is her friend gave her an idea to send me this text. That friend shared with my daughter her tragic experience of her stepfather abusing her physically and sexually and told tome daughter to act before it is too late !!!!

when I asked my daughter whether she had any concerns before that conversation with her friend, she said – no, nothing!! I had very serious conversation with my daughter about that msg, asking her all details, as well as with my husband. He denies completely everything!!! And I trust him!!! He is the best father anyone can wish for!!!

Later we had a joint talk all three of us. All her answers were very vage and no information. Finally we agreed that it was very good that she decided to talk with us openly, it is important that things could be interpreted differently, so everyone must be aware about boundaries and to be more considerate. She was very satisfied with that conversation and relieved that everything is over.

However, 2 week ago, just before the bank holidays, her dad was checking her phone and came across of that original msg sent to me. He is very controlling person and really hates my husband, because I left my ex for him. He put a lot of pressure on my daughter, she told him that things and added a lot of “new” staff which was never even mentioned before!!! He took her to Police and she was video-interviewed there.

As result, Social services came to our house on the same day, told to my husband to leave the house, he is not allowed to see our two younger children, my daughter is staying with her dad, who is acting as a “winner” now and we are due to be interviewed on Tuesday!!! I am so scared! We never been in this kind of situation before! I met with my daughter during this bankholiday, she looks like she is not bothered at all about all this!!! Does anyone have any similar experience? please help us!!!

[Saffron]

Hi Stress and welcome.
I have edited your post to put in paragraphs which makes it easier for members to read. I am sure others will be along with advice soon.

[Verity]

Hi Stress,

Both you and your husband get a solicitor to go to the interviews with you.
Do not speak to the police without one.
If you go in to the station without a solicitor the police have a habit of putting you in a cell until they decide to allow a duty solicitor to attend the police station.

I know tomorrow is a bank holiday but get a solicitor who has experience of this type of allegation.

Get your solicitor to question necessity of arrest under PACE Code G if they attempt to arrest you when you get to the station.
The police arrest to get hold of your DNA and it gives them more power over you.
If they put you in a cell ask for the reason, if they search you ask who authorised it, on what grounds. Comply and then lodge a complaint with the custody sergeant.

Ask for the PACE (Police and criminal evidence act) book and read Code C,E and G.
If they take your possessions ask who authorised it and on what grounds (They must tell you). You have the right to retain personal possessions. Read the bottom of the form they fill out listing what you have in your possession. The police do not inform you of your rights.
Read the small print of all forms before you sign them.
Before you leave the station get the custody record and ask your solicitor for all paperwork pertaining to your time and interview at the station.



Google Police and Criminal Evidence Act and print out the codes I have mentioned.
Familiarise yourselves with them ASAP.
Give your mobile phones computers and any other media to your solicitor and he will deal with them.
Be prepared to be treated atrociously by the police. They are not your friends, they are not there to help you, they are there to secure a conviction.
Do not contact or speak to your daughter in any manner whatsoever.
This is for your and your husband's protection.
He must have an address he can give to the police so he is bailed.
He will be under conditions not to contact the witness, namely his step-daughter.
It cannot be a hotel.
Get a recorder and if she or your ex phones, texts or e-mails you, screen shot, record and print the communication out and get ti to your solicitor.

Start doing a time line.
When this started.
Who she spoke to about it.
The time frame she alleges the 'touching 'took place, time of day etc.
Compare that to what she alleges now.
The conversation you had with her, when, where, how long it lasted, what she said, what you said, what your hubby said, how she seemed in his prescence.
The conversation she had with her friend, was this allegation made after or before her friend disclosed her alleged abuse.
Do you know if the allegation was proved? when did this friend say the alleged abuse occurred?
What is the motive for your daughter to make this allegation against your husband?
Find that and you find the truth.

Please read the posts on the forum, to be forewarned is to be forearmed and knowledge IS power.

I am getting sick to the back teeth of step-daughters and biological kids making false allegations against step-fathers or fathers estranged through divorce.
Frequently it is the ex-wife who concocts/encourages an offspring to to this but in your case it sounds like an adult male is playing a part in this.

Grab hold of the terrible fear you feel, get angry (the both of you) and take control.

Read Shattered Husbands posts, they are very helpful.
Thinking of you,
Verity

[Casehardened]

Very wise words from Verity and there is not much else that I can add.

Your husband has been 'fortunate' in that he knows about his forthcoming interview; from reading the threads on here you will see that many have had no warning until the police arrive on the doorstep to arrest them.

I'm assuming this has been termed as a 'voluntary' interview in that he has been asked to attend rather than being dragged there, however it is just as serious an occasion as if he had been arrested. Use the intervening time to prepare as if it were an exam, consider all the questions that might be asked and formulate suitable replies.

Your solicitor will advise you whether it is better to go 'no comment' with a prepared statement or be absolutely open and honest with your answers; this is a matter for careful consideration but generally the suggestion is that if the interviewee is innocent of the accusation it is better to answer (and vice versa)

As his computer (assuming he has one) and mobile have not already been seized for forensic examination, it is possible that this won't happen. However as the allegation involves a minor it is quite possible that the police may want to have a look on the harddrive to see if he has any 'interest' in this subject. Verity's suggestion of handing it over to his solicitor is sound, but of course the police would still have the right to seize it from them, and it does then make it seem if there is something to hide.

[stress100]

Thank you sooooooooo much for your replies!!! I am just a broken person now.... SS toldme on the phone, that althought there are no accusations against me, they will have to investigate me as well because i was aware of these allagations since February and did not take any actions.... hhowever we did discussed it three of us and because she could not tell anything factual, agreed to be aware of boundaries and be more aware of changes she is going through due to her age, potential misinterpretation of things or misunderstanding...

In relation to her father, he is a control freek and generally she does not want even to stay at his house. Now he is manipulating with her mind and saying that we need to panish this manyak (my husband), he started taking her to shopping every time, behaive very sweet with her....

My solicitor suggested that may be a foster family will be a better option for her to stay in order to ensure impartial and fare investiagation. I don't know... I dont want to do it to my own daughter...

I am so scared about tomorrow!!! I am scared about my husband, myself, my two yongest children!!!! what has she done to all of us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kermit]

Write down everything no matter how small its off importance and only hand the written notes to your husbands solicitor and keep copies of everything.

As everyone will advise never ever speak with the police unless you also have a witness/solicitor.

Me and Kermit went to the police station as requested for an interview 6wks after Kermit was accused by my x husbands daughter from his 1st marriage of a rape, we made sure we had a solicitor with us.

Never ever speak to the police, when Kermit was 1st interviewed and moved out of our family home to stay with family, as the prosecution kept my daughter on the prosecution side right up until the day before the trial started.

I had the police calling me like they were my best friend, dont trust them no matter what they say.They tried being nice to my daughter as well and she may only be 15yld but told them to get lost,some of the questioning she went through with only a social worker as an appropriate adult and two police officers interviewing her was out of order.The police even tried saying stuff to her, "Is Kermit ever home alone with you, has he ever made you uncomfortable, why do you think your half sister is saying your mum was not there and your saying your mum was there !

Every time she answered honestly they did not like it and changed the questions and asked over and over again the same questions then they would go from been nasty in there questioning to oh im your friend Its ok you can tell me anything. DON'T TRUST THE POLICE EVER!

Kermit's accuser made 3 statements 2 written and 1 video and they are all inconsistent and contradict each other, she told different stories to other people, so like i said before write down everything said when you all talked and only hand it to your solicitor.
Wish you all the best but pray you dont need it x tc