Years later and I still can't come to terms with it

[dontpanic]

It's been over 4 years since I was accused and 3 years since NFA was given.

I still see one of the girls who conspired against me, walking about town and even coming into my work and not recognising who I am. I don't think I can ever forget their faces and what their lies nearly did to me.

I still have nightmares and I have panic attacks frequently as a result.

I don't want to go to the doctor because I feel like I would have to explain everything to him.

Does anyone else on here still feel held back by their experiences of false accusation?

I am an incredibly intelligent young man and since this happened I was thrown out of university and I have gone back again but I struggle now having spent a year out of the loop. I also find i hard to concentrate due to a lack of sleep and I constantly fear for my safety.

Any responses will be welcome, just to know I have other people to talk to in the same situation.

Thanks

[help-please]

Have you considered using hypnosis , i have bought from Itunes a few different ones by a person called Darren Marks , generally around £2.99 each often each purchase comes with a few different hypnosis mp3s , they are very good and very well priced , i find them very good for stress and sleep, they really do the trick for me, below is a link :-

http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/heali...418900418?mt=8

well worth a try .

[Saffron]

Hi Don'tpanic

There are several people here who will be able to empathise with your situation.
I know you said you don't want to go to your GP, but please do reconsider. My husband went to the GP and he was extremely sympathetic, non-judgemental and kind.

Your GP will be able to refer you to a counsellor and/or prescribe medication which will help with anxiety and sleep. I am not medically trained, but the symptoms you describe sound like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It is quite normal to suffer from it after a false accusation and is nothing to be ashamed of. You are not sleeping and suffering from anxiety and panic attacks, so you do need help of some sort. The best way to get this is to go to your GP and s/he will be able to refer you from there.

There are some mental techniques which could help, such as yoga. Some people also find talking to The Samaritans useful. Do you have and friends or family who could support you?

The other thing which I find very helpful is physical exercise. It doesn't have to be strenuous, even going for a walk or doing the housework helps.

Keep on keeping on. If you give up then your accusers have won.

[help-please]

some people fall into the trap of staying in bed all day or generally doing nothing while stuck in the house , just getting out of bed , showering , dressing can be very helpful.

[gareth589]

Hi there, its been quite a while for me to come back to the site due to the pain and anguish that i have over events last year.

It cost me my family my home and my business. I heard about a therapy called EMDR.
It has been given very good feedback and the link below might help.
Be strong

Gareth.

http://www.emdrassociation.org.uk/

[RFLH]

thanks for the information Gareth, its appreciated. How are you coping now?

[gareth589]

RFLH

Hi there. Sorry to those that know of me buts its been a very tough time for me since my ordeal and i have not had the heart to come back to the site, although i often wonder how people i read about are doing, Landlady was one.

RFLH, i lost my relationship and my ex has a court order in place to stop me seeing my child due to my anger issues as a result, my business has gone down the pan and i lost my home all down to the ***** that did this to me.

After it was all done she had the balls to make contact and say she wanted to come and stay and send yet more pictures. The police have dealt with it along with a civil injunction to keep the nutter away.

Im starting almost a year on to pick up the bits and move on, and i have my hi's and lows.

How are others doing?

[dontpanic]

thanks

Hey guys,

Thanks for the responses, I didn't think there would be any. If I can tell you a bit about my story I think it would help.

The thing I find the hardest is little thoughts that come back to me every so often. Sometimes I think about where I would be now if this had not happened. I see the two girls who lied to the police about me, they are graduating and moving on with their lives while I am having to repeat my first year of university.

I feel left behind because all my friends are moving on in their lives and I feel like I'm stuck 4 years ago.

Maybe I'm foolish for moving back to the city where this all happened but in my head it was right to do so. I worked so hard at school to get into university and I was really angry that these 2 girls had ruined it for me.

One of the girls, (the one who cried rape), was jealous of me. I was on a much more advanced course than she was on (in fact, she had applied for my course and was rejected). She always complained about this to me.

Her friend (who backed her up), was a girl I was seeing for the first month of university. She fell out with me when I told her I didn't want a serious relationship.

They both went to the police and claimed I had done things to them that were not true. I was arrested and charged with rape.

The university removed me from my course and banned me from campus. Which meant I had to move out of my flat and leave all my friends behind.

I moved back home (elsewhere in the UK) and the anxiety for he next year nearly drove me to suicide. I was incredibly depressed and started staying up all night just sitting in my bed, thinking to myself, "what have I done wrong?/why me?".

After I received the notification of NFA, I contacted the university and stated my intent to return their to continue my course. They told me I would have to return to my first year and after a few months of solicitors and visits from myself they agreed to pay me compensation (out of court) to cover my tuition fees for that year.

I then did 2 years of my course but the memories of the place made me not want to go in most days and he fact that one of the girls studied in the same building made me avoid it like the plague. I still passed everything with flying colours but it was affecting my mental health.

I have now nearly finished my first year of a new course in the same city (different university) and I feel slightly better about the whole experience, but as you can understand I feel really left behind, by the justice system and by the world.

I apologise for my story being so long, there's a lot of things left out but I'm sure you'll find out more as I continue to visit this forum.

This all happened to me when I was 19/20 years old. I'm 23 now. If anyone can offer any wise words or if they want to chat then I welcome them to post in this thread.

I wish I had found your forums 4 years ago. It would have made it a lot easier.

[quinnb]

I must admit three years later I still think about my experience with the police. I still remain very bitter towards beds police and convinced that it was down to their incompetence they had to bury it under the carpet and hence let my false accuser a criminal away with her crime. In the end I got speculator revenge in her. She was pregnant with my child at the time. Well I put him to bed tonight and she did not and will not. I got custody due to her lies but still feel very betrayed by the police.

[Verity]

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Hi Don't Panic,

Go to this thread:
false accusation advice wanted. and read post #11

Go through all of my posts and I think many of your questions and concerns will be answered.
Believe me, I don't pull my punches on the issue of false allegations!

RF and many others have said Karma will turn and bite these wicked people, I hope it does, with interest.

It makes me so angry
Verity x

[Verity]

hI quinnb,
For you and your little one:

[dontpanic]

Karma

In a way karma has bit back at both of them. Despite all the special treatment the university gave them they both got thirds for their degrees. One of them doesn't have a job and had to move back in with her parents and the other has a job that pays less than mine and is tedious, boring work.

In a way we would have all been better off if neither of them had gone to university.

I've always wondered, was it fair for the university to remove me even though I had done nothing wrong? Is there anything I can do all these years later. I believe I have lost potentially a few years wages along with the extra I have had to pay on tuition fees and rent.

I should have graduated last year and be working this year.



Not a happy bunny.

[psychotic]

the suffering is not just in UK

i live in vancouver, canada and just this past weekend i have been arrested by the cops for the same reason many of you are here. i cannot believe what has happened to my life and like many of you i have no will to be dedicated to life and work anymore.

my lawyer has told me to keep my mouth shut cus it's only the beginning. i knowmy lawyer is trying his best to calm me down but i am a very paranoid person and i feel like i must do something to protect myself and my family.

i feel like everyone is looking at me weirdly and have already judged me before anything else. i run my own business and regardless of the outcome of the case my professional association will most likely suspend me and kick me out. she not only ruined my career and also my life.

i don't care about my own life anymore but my mom is divorced and i have a young sister... i don't want anything to happen to them, i stayed alive because i don't want them to feel sad, thats really selfish of me to go... but its really hard to keep going. i am overweight but i have not eaten regularly since all this have happened... maybe this will finally be the strong motivation i need to lose weight

as i am typing this i am sort of feeling better. i just came home from work and while talking to my clients at work i kept on thinking i might not have a chance to work for my clients anymore... many of them respect and like me and if they found out that i have been accused of this i think many of them will be shocked... but hopefully they will still stand by me... i almost wanted to cry in front of my clients today as i feel i might not have a chance to be proud of who i am anymore. i am a young man who tried my best to build my business, having only been in business for 2 yrs but many of my colleagues like me and i really wanted to do well in this business! now... maybe all gone... theres no definition of me left on this planet

i am also of ethnic minority and for my parents to immigrate here only to find out their son is in this kind of trouble... like how the cops cross-examined me "you bring shame and dishonour to your family"... that obviously didn't work in the interview but really all i care about now is my mom and my sister... i feel so ashamed of myself right now, i haven't seen them in like 6 days... and have no guts to tell them about this

please help... i know how each and everyone of you feel... we need to band together or something... have a group/association that helps us!

[Bigsister]

There is one thing I seem to notice when I read these posts from you poor guys that have been thrust into this situation, & that's what such nice people you seem to be. The people that really do do these type of things, are not nice people.
It's almost like these women have homed in on the fact you're nice people & want to squash it!
Maybe I am totally wrong there, & I am sure there are numerous reasons women do this. But that does seem to be one common thing I am noticing from so many posts.
It's actually so sad that they are taking your personality away.
Dontpanic you are an extremely intelligent guy, & to be able to pass your exams after all that just goes to show how strong you are deep down.
I am no expert at all, it has shocked me since I joined here how much this is going on, but just want to say I hope you stay strong, hold your head up high, & manage to get 'you' back again.
xx

[RFLH]

oh Gareth, I'm so sorry to hear that - I was hoping that you'd be able to all get back on track.

I can understand you not wanting to keep coming back here - it just stirs it up doesn't it?

If you ever want a moan, pm me.