Accusation and Arrest?

[kratos]

Hello,

I am new to this forum, but sadly not new to some of the horrible experiences of being falsely accused that so many here have suffered.

I was falsely accused of rape many years ago and needless to say it ruined my life. As far as I am aware nothing was ever reported to the police as I have had a number of enhanced CRBs come back clean but one of the lasting effects has been that every time I have contact with a woman I end up worrying for months that an accusation will be made against me.

My query relates to the procedures following an accusation (of any type of sexual offence) being made to the police.
To be more precise, I recently had some innocuous contact with a woman who I don't particularly trust (while we were both a little drunk) and I am scared that she has/is going to make an accusation against me.

Basically, if that were the case, would the police have arrested me? Can an accusation of that nature be made and then no arrest be made? My main concern is that an accusation may have been made, but that I have not been informed of it and that the next time I have a CRB check done it will not come back clean and my work will be ruined.

Since that time, I have been in regular contact with this woman, and we have been on nights out together as friends and keep in contact regularly. I have lots of friendly text messages from her and lots of other people have seen us as friends together in public. I have no reason to believe that an accusation has been made judging from her behaviour, but sadly, due to my previous experiences it is a feeling that I can't shake.

Any advice whatsoever would be appreciated. I know that this pales into insignificance compared to some peoples troubles on here, but I thought I may aswell ask.

Thanks in advance and good luck to everyone.

[largactyl1]

Hi there, I'm so sorry to hear that you are still suffering from the effects of being Falsely Accused. I really can see why you are paranoid that it will happen again. I know that it may not seem like it to you after your experience but really, not many women would actually make such a terrible accusation falsely.

It sounds like you have had some amiable times with this lady, and the fact that the police haven't been knocking at your door means she hasn't criminally wasted the time of the police or perverted the course of justice by making any sort of allegation.

It sounds like you really need counselling to try and put your terrible experience behind you, it really sounds as if you are now (totally understandably) in the region of being properly paranoid and panicked- rather than just cautious, and somehow this experience needs to be put into a box in your brain and put away on a high shelf - only rearing it's head if you feel uncomfortable with someone. If you DO feel uncomfortable I guess this is telling you to keep within certain boundaries with that particular person until you feel you can trust them.

This is only my opinion, and I'm sure others will give a different viewpoint. I really hope that your trust in womankind can be restored to a healthy level one day,
best wishes to you.
Jen

[kratos]

Thank You

Jen,

I just wanted to say thanks for your very kind words. I think that I have been aware for some time that I need some counseling to get over this. I think i'm just a little scared to take that step, to go and visit my new GP, who I will have to explain everything to afresh, to admit that I can't handle this on my own etc etc.

Funnily enough, in the immediate aftermath of the false accusation I did attend counseling and found that it helped very much. I just never imagined that I would have to head back.
Does anyone who has been through this same situation know if the pain and fear every truly subsides? I personally don't understand how it can with the never ending possibility of historic allegations.

But that false accusation has definitely been the catalyst for all my worries since, and not just relating to women. I am a much more paranoid and insecure person overall as a result of what happened to me, and it has greatly affected my trust in people. And I really don't want it to do that to me, but it appears to be beating me at the moment.

I was of the impression that particularly with this kind of accusation, given the media focus etc etc, that if any type of allegation of this nature was made, the police would ALWAYS arrest because it would look bad for them if they did not. I believe, in my rational head, that this is the case, and you also agree with me Jen. Can anyone else back this up aswell because sadly my paranoid and fearful side is not letting me believe it and I can't get rid of the feeling that something not right is taking place.
I have occasionally read unpleasant stories of people being completely unaware of any kind of sexual accusation against their name and then CRB checks flagging them up.

Jen, thanks again for your response. I means a great deal to me and has made me feel much better.

Thank you.

[largactyl1]

Hi Kratos, I hope that you are feeling a little more peaceful in yourself.

Really, you would have been arrested if a complaint has been made to the police. They have a duty to investigate all complaints of this nature - and as you will have seen on this site - even those with a very implausible story.

There is a lot of political pressure to improve the conviction rates of genuine attacks, and obviously quite rightly so. The vast majority of these complaints will be genuine Kratos. Most people will never even meet a person capable of making up such a hideous allegation, unfortunately you did and it is awful that you are still haunted by your terrible experience.

Do sort out counselling, as it is very unfair on you that you should be suffering this anxiety. Seeking help is not a sign of any kind of weakness. How long ago was it that these allegations were made against you? It sounds as if you have suffered for a long time, and it doesn't sound that time has healed you - therefore it is vital to get the proper intervention to help you. Just as you would go to the doctor's for antibiotics if you had (for example) a chest infection that wouldn't clear up on it's own it is important to get help with the effect all of this is having on your mind.

Kind Regards
Jen

[kratos]

Thanks

Hello again Jen,

As before, I appreciate your prompt reply. It means a lot.

The original accusation made against me occurred just under 10 years ago now. I find it hard to think that something that happened so long ago still has such a pronounced affect on my life. Not a day goes by where I don't think about the damage it caused to my life and the number of friends I lost.

I am reassured by the fact that the police WILL arrest if an accusation of this nature is made and obviously the fact that they haven't been to see me. And, as a result of your email and thinking myself, I am seriously considering approaching my GP to ask for help.
I recently moved away from my home town though, where the GP I originally spoke to about this is based. I felt comfortable explaining the situation to him as I know him well, but it is a barrier to me speaking to my new GP. Obviously, this is a situation that I would rather be telling as few people as possible about.

I have been feeling a little better today. I just hope that that trajectory continues. I'm attempting to read between too many lines with regards peoples behaviour towards me, what they say etc etc, and it's driving me a little crazy, so I know that some help is needed.

Thanks again, many times over for your response. It really means a lot.

x

[Shatteredhusband]

Kratos,

So sorry to hear that a false allegation almost a decade ago can still be having such a negative impact upon your life. I am in the early stages (police bail) and can appreciate that my life will always have this scar but I hope that when it is over, I can start to rebuild my life.

I appreciate your concerns about sharing your ordeal with yet another individual but I am certain that when you start talking to your GP and explain that this false allegationstill haunts you, you will receive a great deal of sympathy and support. This may open the door to further counselling which has helped you in the past.

You deserve a better life than you describe, I hope you have the courage and strength to take that first step with your GP.

best wishes
SH

[kratos]

Hang in there.

SH,

I am very sorry to hear of your recent problems and I wish you all the best in getting it sorted out. When I hear of tales such as yours, I have to be thankful that in my case, it didn't even come to police involvement. Still the mental scars remain, but we just have to take things one day at a time, and hope that things take a turn for the better.

If you need any advice or support then please feel absolutely free to drop me a line and I will try my best to help. I may not be the best source of advice given my recent anxiety and nervousness, but I am still here and that in itself takes some effort sometimes.

I hope that one day I can truly put this behind me, and I have to, we have to, believe it is possible.

Kratos

[Shatteredhusband]

Kratos,

thank you very much for your words of support and offer of advice. Thankfully I am coping a lot better following the initial shock.

I truly hope that you can finally put your nightmare behind you and get your confidence restored.

Best wishes and take care
SH