Please help son falsely accused of rape

[distressedmum]

Please help. I m at my wits end. My son was drunk and got in taxi with a girl from the same village whom he did not know. She was also drunk. They went to a park and had consensual sex he then walked her to her street. The girl now says she was raped. Also says she was a virgin and gay so could not possibly consent to intercourse. My son went voluntarily to the police station where he was questioned and medically examined which took around 6hrs.
They went to his home and he provided clothing for examination.
He has not been charged at present but a report being sent to Procurator Fiscal.
He is physically ill as I myself am.
I don`t know where to go next. Can`t get solicitor till tomorrow. Don`t think either of us can take much more. He has also had to move from his home incase of any reprisals. Afraid to go to work incase police call there and arrest him. Please help.

[Saffron]

Hi DistressedMum and welcome. I'm sorry you find yourself here.
We hear of situations just such as this all too often.
Was your son questioned without a solicitor being present? Was he offered legal representation? It sounds as though you are in Scotland, and I know the system there is slightly different to the English one I am accustomed to.

From a practical point of view there are a few things you can do. First and foremost, get a really good solicitor on board - one who specialises in defending false allegations of sexual crimes. This is very important - a standard criminal sol will not be good enough.

Secondly, get your son to write down everything he can remember about the event. This should include how they met that night, who they were with, what was said, whether any flirting took place etc. Also who instigated sexual contact, how it was reciprocated, what was said as they walked to the girl's house. Even the tiniesst detail can be significant. It seems strange that the girl would allow her "rapist" to walk her home afterwards.

The solicitor will not be able to do much until/if your son is charged, as no paperwork or statements will be released until then, but it is imperative to have one lined up.

Try to think of reasons why she would fabricate this allegation. Is she in financial difficulty, is she an attention-seeker, does she have a partner who would be furious if they found out she had been unfaithful? The most common motives for a false allegation are revenge, attention-seeking, financial gain and alibi for infidelity. Never underestimate the power of "victim" status.

Finally, get both of you to your GP. The doc will be able to refer both of you for counselling, and/or prescribe meds to help with the anxiety. Don't worry about telling the doc everything - GPs are bound by the Hippocratic Oath and cannot reveal any details of what you tell them.

Others will no doubt be along soon with further advice. In the meantime, please take some small comfort from knowing that you are not alone.

[goldfish]

Hi Distressedmum

I can appreciate how you and your son must be feeling, you must still be in shock at the whole situation. I presume you are in Scotland as you mention the procurator fiscal, I am in scotland also and my husband has recently had his case thrown out before a trial. Did your son have a solicitor present when he was interviewed? It is now a right in Scotland. When you see your solicitor he will keep you right on the legal side but as your son has not been charged there is only so much they can do at present. It is important you get a solicitor who is experienced in this type of accusation and works with an Advocate who is also experienced in the High Courts.
At the moment you will have to wait for things to unfold and hopefully he wont be charged but unfortunatly it can take quite a while.

In this forum there are a number of parents who have had sons in this situation, so I would advise reading through them for any info that may help. Your son will need alot of support, I hope he hasn't moved too far away from you.

Speaking from experience having been through the system and having a number of sons myself I can only empathise with your situation. You are not alone, it helped me knowing there were other people going through the same trauma and feelings and could offer a word of support or advise.

[distressedmum]

Son falsely accused of rape

Thanks for words of advise. Yes we are in Scotland. Unsure where to find lawyers that deal specifically with this alleged crime. Have tried all morning on net with no success. Finally made an apppointment with criminal lawyer through desperation.
We have no idea why allegation has been made. The girl is 19yrs old and returning to her parents with whom she lives apparently. This was approx 0330hrs or later. The only thing I can think of is that parents demanded an explanation from her re her intoxicated state and the state of her clothing (as son says they were in the park) and she panicked. I can think of no other reason.
We both have been physically sick this morning and may take your advice about visit to GP. Although my son feels he can not go out he is so terrified of what people will think of him. He is point blank refusing to speak to anyone he feels
no one will believe him.

[goldfish]

We used a Criminal Defence lawyer who dealt solely on criminal cases. He was local to us and he was the Duty solicitor at the time. As we had never been in this kind of situation before we were not sure if we had done the right thing in choosing him and tried to change to a more established and recommended firm further a field. The Scottish legal Aid board wouldn't allow us to change due to the distances involved. You do have a right to change solicitors when ever you want though but make sure it is one not too far away. There is no cap on legal aid funding in Scotland as there is in England.
The solicitor you see should know what he is doing. I was advised to take notes at my husbands first meeting, to get a feel for whether we thought he would be good or not. I wouldn't have known either way. Have some questions prepared before hand. our solicitor turned out to be very good and he worked with a very confident and professional Advocate who overseed my husband's case from the start.

My husband told his employers from the start and they were very supportive throughout. I can understand your sons feelings though, we were all shocked and unsure of how people would react. My oldest son couldn't work, go out or face anybody for a few days untill people came round to speak to him and reasure him that people were not going to react to us any different. We were very fortunate.

It is a horrible situation to be in, my thoughts are with you. A friend told me to stay positive and take control of the situation, don't let it take control of you.

[Midnight and Worried]

Hello Distressedmum,

I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation but you have found the right place to get a lot of support and some very useful advice to help you and Your Son to get through this.

I have been through similar with my Grandson and realise just how distressing this can be but with the help and support of the many good people here things did get easier for me until his case was finally NFA'd after seven months.

Your first thoughts as to the reason why this girl should make this complaint seems all too common and hopefully the Police will see this for what it is,an attempt by the girl to explain away her actions to an irate parent,so sickening.

Try to stay calm as your Son will need your support,you know that he is innocent and this will help him through.

[allatsea]

Dsitressedmum,

the first few hours, days and weeks are bad, but you WILL find the strength to carry on. You have to, for all your sakes. The pain of seeing our children suffer, whatever age, is terrible, but they need us to be there for them. That means you also have to look after yourself. Go see your doctor if you need to. I did. She e
prescribed me sleeping tablets. I never took them, as it happens, but I knew they were there for the a time when I felt I couldn't get through the night. I went through this last year with my son, then 18. Unfortunately you have to let the process happen and there is nothing you can do to speed it up. As others have said, make sure he writes down exactly what happened and the timings as well,

Stay strong,

allatsea

[Vicky]

False rape or sexual assault allegation in Scotland

Hi,

I am posting on this forum to appeal for help with an article I am looking to write.
I am a reporter searching for people in Scotland who have been falsely accused of rape or sexual assault to write about how this has affected their lives.

If anyone could get in touch to share their experience, I would be very grateful.

Kind regards,

Victoria Allen
Centre Press Agency
0141 774 6969
centrenews@hemedia.co.uk

[distressedmum]

Don`t know where to turn.

Thanks to everyone for their words of support. My days are really bad and nights worse. My son is distraught and absololutely petrified. He just keeps crying and asking why this is happening. Keeps repeating over and over that he`s going to be sent to prison for something he didn`t do and saying "I`m not a bad person Mum so why I am being tortured like this". I`m physically and mentally drained trying to reassure him but I`m afraid to say "everything will be all right". You read all the time about people going to prison even though they are innocent and the horrific things that happen to them because of the type of crime they have been falsely accused of. We`ve both seen GP and been prescribed some tablets but to be honest they don`t help. I can`t even discuss this with anyone. I`m so afraid word will spread who he is and acts of retaliations will occur. We only have each other and his girlfriend (who is standing by him because she knows he is not capable of this). I don`t know where we would be without her support as she has been hurt dreadfully by his infidelity. He is very lucky to still have her. I know this is probably all over the place and I`m rambling but I`m so scared for him.

[RFLH]

Just keep posting, it does help. You're doing all the right things, but you must have a break from the thinking - take yourselves off out for a walk, anything - but don't stay in the whole time, it really doesn't do you any good.

The Samaritans are good if you need to talk to someone.

[Midnight and Worried]

I can only sympathise with what you are going through,when my Grandson was accused I cried until I thought I couldn't cry any more and sleep only came through sheer exhaustion.
I know only too well the feeling of helplessness but gradually this will pass. I became so angry and I do hope that your fear will turn to anger, how dare someone accuse your Son of something that you know he is incapable of.You know he is innocent and you should try to draw some strength from this,he needs you to be strong for him until this is resolved.
At this moment in time he hasn't been charged,the events are being investigated so you must try to stay calm for his sake,it will help him if you can act as normally as possible and just be there for him.
Have you spoken to a solicitor yet?

[distressedmum]

We have spoken to solicitor but he is waiting to hear from the detectives involved with the case. He has told us that we have to be prepared for this to take some time to be resolved. As my son has not been charged and report sent to PF for decision he is not confident the police are going to share anything positive about the case at his time.
Another sleepless night and another hellish day to get through. This is so very very hard.

[Midnight and Worried]

As your sol has told you this is likely to take some time to resolve but this is not un usual, as you will see from reading some of the posts on this forum it can actually take several months to reach it's conclusion.I know how hard it is for you but you must prepare yourself for this wait and try to keep calm.

Has your Son actually been bailed by the Police to attend at some future date?

The waiting is very difficult but many of us have been in your position and can tell you that you will get through this,try to stay positive and keep your life as normal as possible.

[distressedmum]

No he has not been bailed to appear. We need to wait until the Procurator Fiscal reads the report (lodged by police) and decides if there is enough evidence to charge my son and take the case to court. Its going to be a long difficult time.

[Midnight and Worried]

The procedure seems to be slightly different in Scotland,maybe other members can explain better than me how things work,but don't get too downhearted,there are many on here who have gone through a similar nightmare and have come out the other side.

Hopefully you will know better what is happening when you speak to your sol next.At least you do not have forensics like mobile phones and computors so this should make the waiting time a little less.

Please come back and let us know,whatever happens members will give you advice and support,it proved invaluable to me and together we can get you both through this.

Take care of yourself.