Falsely Accused of Rape

[Zed]

Afternoon everyone

Just received a telephone call from the solicitor dealing with my case.

The case has been NFA'd & bail conditions lifted - thank God for that. I am relived in one sense and slightly apprehensive about the future - positive though.

Thank you all for your fantastic support and advise - without these threads and plethora of information, I may have been thinking all sorts of things.

Onwards and upwards

kind regards

[Zed]

Oh...........one more thing

Will the arrest stay on my record, if a CRB check is done. I travel to America a lot - will this show up on the visa checks?

If so, how do I get this removed or can I get this blip of my records?

Kind regards

[the advocate]

Zed

Absolutely wonderful news! I hope you don't mind me congratulating me for what is in effect, the right decision! It's very positive, although as otehrs say on here you will go through the complete range of emotions.

Be wary about contact with your wife - she could still be out to get you. I'll come back when I've more time on the arrest /America situation.

[Verity]

Congratulations Zed!!!

[Shatteredhusband]

Hi Zed,

Glad that you got the right result and hope you can move on with your life.

Whilst not an expert, I have had similar concerns and from what I have read I understand that the arrest without charge will not appear on a standard CRB check but is likely to appear on an enhanced CRB. the wording of this is down to a senior police officer.

In relation to travel to the US, the visa waiver application asks that you disclose arrests even without charge in relation to allegations of rape. This means you are likely to need to apply for a visa from the US embassy before you travel. A pain, I know, not to mention the added cost. I have read on other forums about people who have not disclosed and gotten away with it, but tbh if you need to travel a lot and you were caught, you may end up deported and not allowed back in if they feel you have deceived them.

Anyway glad that your case was NFA'd.

Best wishes
SH

[Zed]

Hello Everyone

Thank you for your well wishes and words of support.

I got to see my boys yesterday (outside the house, when my friends went to pick up my remaining stuff), they were asking when I was coming back and the eldest one who is nine was really distressed, even his voice was breaking whilst he was talking to me.

Handed them loads of present, but felt so helpless!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had to leave but was heartbroken. I felt so cold and heartless towards the whole situation, without showing any emotions...........weird.

Today my boys left voice-mail messages on my phone, asking when I would return, again my eldest sons voice was full of distress. I then spoke to him after wards and told him I was never going to come back, but will always see him when he needed me, he just did not know what to say & I could feel that he was trying to hold back the tears. After we finished speaking, my wife called and left a voice mail, asking what I had said to him & that his eyes were full of tears.........damn it!!!!!

My wife then left some sarcastic text messages & also said she wants to give our marriage another chance as she cannot see the kids suffer.

Why ..............why ............why? My kids miss their papa & I miss feeling great with them. Not sure how to approach this. The wife mentioned in the text messages, that I can take the kids and they can live with me for good. Great, but I know the little one who is seven, will miss his mum a lot & they are stable (kind of) at home with their mum, plus I am staying at mums at the moment till I get a new house sorted.

Sorry - I am not making any sense am i? My thoughts are all over the place, I'll post when my senses are clearer.

kind regards

[Casehardened]

Hello Zed,

There is always this wish to turn the clock back to when everything was ok, and it is especially compelling where children are involved, your boys have been innocent bystanders in this and children are always hurt by their parents separation.

Unfortunately being FA'd is a life changing experience, trust has flown out of the window, and turning the clock back could risk a re-run of the whole sorry business sometime in the future.

Very best wishes for your future.

[Shatteredhusband]

Zed,

I know pretty much how you feel although I am still going through the police bail stage at the minute. Several months ago I went through a similar thing where my wife was saying that she loved me so much and wanted reconciliation. I was still pretty fragile and wondered if reconciliation was possible. It took about a week but when my thoughts cleared, I realised that I could never go back.

Any time my wife felt unhappy she could simply accuse me of something else. Thesecond time around could be much worse even than this time. In fact if we were ever handing my son over at some point in the future, I would insist it is in a public place to avoid any further false allegations.

If she is serious about you having the kids, it may be worth seriously considering. I am not sure what the cause of your false allegation was. In my case my wife has serious psychiatric problems and alcoholism.

Obviously the decision would be entirely yours but my strong advice would be to not consider any reconciliation. I cannot see how it could possibly work. I agree with casehardened, there would be little or no trust left in the marriage.

Good luck and keep strong
SH

[Saffron]

Hi Zed

Excellent advice from CH and SH. I can't add any more to it, but wanted to say how relieved I am to hear that common sense prevailed and you have been NFAd.
Be prepared for things to take a while to get back to "normal" (whatever that is!) Being FAd is a traumatic, life changing experience. We are still here for you if you need us.

[xxlettyxx]

Pleased

hi , Zed
omg, I'm so pleased that this has ended for you.For whatever and however the result came about - the result of NFA is wonderful news. Your head must be spinning.
As far as your children are concerned I feel you should take a step back and concentrate on your own state of mind atm. You have been through an awful time and its going to take time before you can think rationally and logically about this.dont rush into any hasty decisions and run any ideas you have by a trusted person who knows you and your family well.
your wife obviously has some serious issues and you should be very wary of any suggestions she may have and fgs dont let her use the children as pawns to play with your emotions.
good luck for the future , wish you the very best of everthing Zed
letty x

[Zed]

Morning all

First of all - thank you for all your words of support and advise. It's great to know there is somewhere I can come to and read other peoples views without being judged.

Been thinking about everything, spent a day with the kids today. Went to the pictures and watched Rio - okay film.......I fell asleep in the cinema.....lol. Bought them some food whilst there. Then bought them some games for their psp & dsi. Also bought them clothes and trainers & took them to the hair salon - cost me a fortune - worth it though, just to see them smile.

They told me what their mum had been saying to them about me, could not resist and tried to put my view across and put their mum down. When I dropped them back home, they told their mum - did not go down well........

I took a friend with me just in case she tried anything or accused me of anything. Did not go into the house, sent my friend in - that did not go down well either.

My wife then sent some texts stating that I cannot come over to pick up the kids and to go through the courts to get access, she left voice mail messages stating the same.

I never replied or called her back. I'll give it a few days. She wanted me to go into the house to talk to her. To be honest, I did not want to see her or speak to her - hence, sent my friend in.

Going to get the divorce next week. My friend e-mailed me some divorce petition papers & all I have to do is hand them into the court pay about £300 and then they send a copy to the wife to sign and then I get the final divorce. Will not be contesting anything. The house is in her name and everything else, so will be glad and sad at the same time when this is done.

Went to see another solicitor & he advised me that this is the best way? I thought I could at least get half the house if sold and half the savings, but he advised that this could be costly and time consuming - not sure though??/????

Does anyone on the forums know about my rights when it comes to divorce and matrimonial splits? Would be great to hear other peoples views. Please feel to pm me if you think that may help.

My work colleagues have been great & my manager. Been really busy at work. The coming week will be slow as no meetings or work planned in, just little bits and bobs. Then I break up for a week - will be watching the royal wedding. Wishing them all the happiness in the world and a prosperous future together.

kind regards

[Casehardened]

Hi,

I won't attempt to advise you on the emotional tsumani that you are experiencing, there are lots of folk on here who will be far better at that than me, but a few thoughts on the practicalities:

As te solicitor has already advisd you, it will be very difficult for to get any equity out of a contested divorce when children are involved, the only way is for both parties to agree a fair settlement and present it to the court for approval. Obviously in your circumstances this is unlikely!

In theory you should get half the assets on the basis that you contributed towards creating them. In practice because of the children the courts will, quite rightly, put their welfare first, and probably rule that the house cannot be sold until the youngest is out of full time education.

Also if you are working you probably won't get legal aid and if you do the costs will be recovered from any assets that you are awarded. Bearing in mind that a contested case is going to cost many £K's and you won't get anything for years, it's no wonder that most in your position just give up and walk away and start all over again.

Is it fair...well....on the other hand when you meet a nice new partner, as I sincerely hope you will, the chances are that she will come complete with accommodation

Best wishes

[Zed]

Hello everyone

Been away and busy with work.

Update: Got a solicitor to deal with the access issue over the kids. £215 + vat an hour - I am in the wrong line of work.

My solicitor sent a letter to my wife and one letter to the court.

The wife started bombarding me with calls and texts stating that she never stopped me from seeing the kids?????????????? I have proof and voice-mail messages stating the opposite.

CAFCASS have also sent me as letter stating that they will contact me - no contact yet?

Court date has been set (first hearing). My solicitor's cost £1000. for a 30 minute hearing (I am seriously in the wrong profession).

The divorce & financial assets issue will cost in the region of £4000 - £7000.

Will wait to see what if anything my wife brings up in the court at the first hearing before I plan my next move. Not even sure what to expect at the hearing or with CAFCASS yet - will do some research.

Will keep you all posted.

kind regards

Zed

[Rights Fighter]

Sounds like you have a high-charging solicitor. Not all sols are that expensive but I suppose it's the luck of the draw, which one you happen to pick.