need pick me up advice, please help

[worrieddaughter]

Hi all, the past couple of days I've been on a bit of a downer and need to snap out of it

I'm supporting my step dad who was falsely accused by his biological daughter, he was arrested in Dec 2010 and has since been re bailed twice (answering again 6th April), we (the family) know his case will be NFA'd as there's no evidence, witness's for him and non against, and floors in her statement and dates.

I just wanted to know how others picked them self up when they felt low, I've spoken to my parents and husband and that hasn't helped, i tried keeping busy (i have a 7 month old daughter so always busy ), i allowed myself to cry hoping that would help, I'm fresh out of ideas and wondered if anybody could help
ta

[largactyl1]

Hi Worried Daughter, sorry that you find yourself in this position. It is hard work and very scary when supporting someone close who has been Falsely Accused. The legal system is unintelligable, the charges severe, and the fear is real that a miscarriage of justice could occur.

I think that feeling down is sadly part of the rollercoaster ride you have been forced to take part in. There will be good days and bad days. I found coming on here really good for advice, know-how and to rant with people who have been there in one way or another.

Kind Regards
Jen x

[worrieddaughter]

Ta

Thanks Jen

Yeah becoming used to the emotional roller coaster now, although just hit a new low, and as you said so many people have been here, i just wondered if anybody had any tips, ta for the reply its nice to no there's people there

[LS]

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[worrieddaughter]

ta LS

Thanks LS love the rabid in a thong that's class

[Rights Fighter]

we (the family) know his case will be NFA'd as there's no evidence, witness's for him and non against, and floors in her statement and dates.

Many, many apologies for this but you need to know that people are sent to trial on no evidence and with flawed statements. You are best preparing yourself for the worst just in case it happens.

I do hope the matter is dropped but please do not bank on it.

[worrieddaughter]

thanks RF.
yeah we have lost all trust in the plod and nothing would surprise us with them any more, i thought innocent until proven guilty although it appears not, thanks for the reality check but i just want to think positive, i couldn't imagine him going to prison, let alone for something he didn't do :'(

[LS]

Lots more rabbids uploaded - NEW!

[goldfish]

Hi Worried Daughter

I would try to stay focused on the positive things in your step dads case. Write them down if it helps. I did and then I would look back over it at times or add to it. I had alot of low days when all the horrible and negative things were at the front of my mind, so it is normal as others have said.

Our youngest child was only three when my husband was first accused so like you I had to keep life as normal as possible and tried to keep busy. Some days it worked and others not so good , it's amazing how you do get through though.
Simple things help, trying to focus on something you enjoy, meeting with a friend or just getting out of the house for a while. Our oldest daughter lives elsewhere with her own family but we would meet regularly and talk on the phone every day and discuss my husband and her dads case. Just having someone to talk to helped us all.
I've done the relaxation tapes, reading books, researching things on the internet, this forum etc, it all helps. Taking a few days away gave us a break from the people we know and knew what we were going through helped.

When meetings with solicitors or when a hearing approached was when my husband became very anxious and withdrawn, he found it difficult to interact with us all Your stepdad must be finding this ordeal just as horrendous too. You must all still be in shock at the whole accusation.

[worrieddaughter]

Hiya goldfish,
Thanks so much for the tips there's some good ones in there that ill try and pass on to the family
I can not believe how many cases are like this, and as many have said you feel so alone until you find somewhere brilliant like this
Yeah we are all still in shock, and like you said as soon as bail date approaches new emotions go warping through the body. i just cant believe shes aloud it to go this far with no known motive
how is your situation now? was your husband NFA'd?
ta

[goldfish]

The worst part of our ordeal is over, my husbands case was thrown out a month ago after 16 months and just before it was decided to put it to trial. We are in Scotland though and we have a different Justice System which is just as flawed as south of the border. It has been a complete eye opener.

We are now trying to move on which is easier said than done. The woman who accused my husband lives in the same community and apart from being told that the police are keeping an eye on her she appears to have gotten off with the known and provable lies she has told everyone. Where is the justice in that.

Our whole family was devastated as must yours. I hope your situation does not go on long. Support from family and friends is the best form of help.

[worrieddaughter]

congratulations

16 months wow!!!!
how is it going, trying to pick up the pieces? did you tell family and friends after it was thrown out or while the plod were investigating? do you live in fear? (my parents community is also small, although and the end of the ordeal they will be leaving the area (which was already planned) but i don't know how soon after) have you all seen a Councillor?
Ta

[goldfish]

Hi Worried daughter

I apologise for the delay in replying to your post I only get peace to sit at a computer when the family are all at work or school!

Although immensily relieved the charge against my husband has been dropped we are still struggling to deal with the aftermath. My problem now is coping with a husband who is still depressed and can't find the motivation to do anything apart from throw himself into his work. He is hoping to see about counselling soon.

Everyone knew from the start. He was charged at his first police interview, up in court and his name, address and charge was in the paper all within 36 hrs. It was a shock to eveyone though he has been very fortunate with no negative repurcussions from anyone. he has had alot of support from his work and family as well as our community, who know him well. His accuser is also well known and has a history of money problems and accusations against people.

I have since discovered that there have been three other men in our community who have been accused of the same offence over the years, one was thrown out after a similar length of time to my husband, one was not guilty after a trial and unfortunatly another man committed suicide as he could not cope with the whole accusation. His accuser , I was told, admitted to lying after.
I find the whole thing scary.

[worrieddaughter]

hiya, no probs for the late delay, thanks for getting back to me

I'm glad your family is surrounded by nice, supportive people, they do seem few and far between (well our end anyway excluding here of course)

i cant believe the authorities have not done anything about your husband's accuser, that's disgusting, not only have three other men (and their families) suffered, one of the men resorted to take his own life, disgraceful!!!!! why is there no discipline when it's found the accuser is lying so sad

i hope things start to become a little easier for you all, best wishes and good luck in the future

RE: pick me up
i had to let me little storm cloud pass, it took about 2-3 days of allowing myself to feel glum and then i snapped out of it, i suppose that's just the joys of the roller coaster, I'm expecting another dip soon as bail date is in two weeks :S