In shock- historic case, please advise

[Freespirit]

What to say? My husband was arrested on Friday, for underage rape 12 years ago. He said he had slept with her but she was over 16, she says he abused her from her early teens. He is the nicest most gentle man and a fantastic father I can't believe this is happening. He wasn't charged and is on bail. We have young children so the social services came round - that was the first I knew of it. I'm so worried and upset, we don't know what will happen next, should we be doing anything? The ss are coming back on Monday to assess us? I don't know what could happen - can anyone advise?

[LS]

Sorry to hear you're in the middle of this mess.

As is often the norm in any accusation involving children, the SS will become involved. This is not good. Even though your husband hasn't been charged, it means nothing. To the SS he IS guilty.

The inevitable outcome is that he will either be instructed to move out, and/or they will blackmail you into throwing him out, on the excuse that if you don't then you're putting your children at risk.
They will stop at nothing to achieve their aim, which right now is to split you both up and ensure the kids are miles from him. They will tell you lies, they will lie about him, and they will tell lies about you to him.
My advice is to record everything they say when they visit - a mobile phone is excellent for this, as many have built in memo recorders - and at the earliest opportunity go and see a family solicitor.

Others will no doubt be along in due course to help.

[quinnb]

Point out his bail conditions does not stop him from seeing his own children. But yes ss are a law to them selves. A tip make sure house is not ultra tidy. They look for that. Make sure kids are being kids and generally making a mess. Anyone close to you get written references from them. They may try and bully you in respect of husband moving out. Make sure u insist on a court order. And yes goto family sol. However less and less now are taking legal aid and very soon it will go all together so hope u have some money saved.

[kanday]

We are going through a similar situation, ss will only let my husband have contact with our son when supervised by myself, he doesn't sleep here now we are trying to go by the book and more, they scare me, how did you get on? we have been going through this since july, i am expecting our daughter in 5 weeks and ss have said that as well as me supervising a family member must also be present for when i go to the bathroom, there is no innocent untill proven guilty in thier eyes and they seem to like to make it clear they have the power to remove our children, you have to stay strong for your children, ss told me if i were to breakdown they would remove my babies. My thoughts are with you x

[Freespirit]

That's terrible, my husband has been able to stay here, he has now been charged though. We can't believe it. The police say the bail conditions remain the same. The ss said they would change last time I saw them - we will see. I have a constant headache, the priority now is a good lawyer. How are you getting on?

[kanday]

That's good he has been able to remain with you, how old are your children? our case gets very complicated because i have 2 daughters aged 7 and 5 who aren't my husbands and their dad hasn't let them return home to me since july last year when all this started( it's given him to opportuinty he's been waiting years for) even though my husband no longer lives here and i offered to sign an undertaking stating i will not allow any direct or indirect contact between my husband and the girls, he still wouldn't let me have them back so we're going to court for family finding of facts (basically a judge will decide if he belives my husband is telling the truth or his cousin who made is accusing my husband of abusing her 12 years ago this all happened after a family argument and she refuses to attend!!) in 5 weeks and a criminal court at the end of oct, it's very confusing for people but once we've had the family trail and my husband is proven innocent he will be able to see the girls again and then we can conncentrate on getting through the criminal one. I had our baby 4 weeks ago (which turned out to be a boy after been told we were expecting a girl) and my mum now stays with me so my husband is allowed contact with our sons. I know my husband is innocent as do all our friends and family, her statement doesn't add up and her police interview is a joke i can't belive she's been taken seriously but i suppose when someone is saying something like that they can't risk not doing.

[Freespirit]

Were at crown court in the morning, I'm worried about bail conditions changing. I can't believe how long it's all going to take, I keep hoping for it to get thrown out - slim chance apparently!

[RFLH]

good luck for today freespirit.

[kanday]

My thoughts are with you for today, good luck!!

[Freespirit]

We survived our first crown court ordeal. It's a few months til we're back so the pressure has lifted slightly. In the next month or so we will get their case so we can build our defence. It seems ridiculous that we still have no detail or dates for any of the allegations. But as frustration gets me no where we are just trying to get on with life and enjoy time with the children. Thanks for your thoughts.