Accused & worried to death

[chipfork]

I split with my girlfriend over 3 years ago and we stayed what I believed was friends until around a year ago. We originally split because I was going to uni in the summer & thought it was the right thing to do.
After we split, we used to bump into each other in town and end up going back to hers and end up sleeping together. This happened lots of times. In the begining I still had feelings for her but as time went on it just seemed convienient on both parts, as we both felt comfortable with each other. As time went on, things started to get quite strange in the morning. She'd give me a torrent of abuse or try to humiliate me in some way by telling me how much she disliked me and later by tearing my clothes. For some reason I used to argue her corner because she had a difficult childhood. Her dad left when she was a baby & her mum died in her teens. I believed she was a good person and always liked to see that she was ok & thats how it went over a period of time.
Then my dad passed away two years ago and i'd heard that she'd been making jokes about it, which i didn't believe.
Again, i bumped into her in town & started talking to her about how she'd hoped loosing her mum. We chatted all night & ended up going back to hers.
We chatted & then ended up sleeping together. Afterwards we slept & then in the morning she woke me demanding to know the time. I told her & she then went mad, demanding i leave. Immedietly i thought it was one of her games again, so i argued for a short time & then left when she'd agreed to contribute to a taxi as i had little money, lived over 10 miles away & the busses wern't running yet.
The next day, once again she deleted me from facebook. As was the usual thing.
I never saw her again for months & then when I did she blanked me. She did this on a few occasions but this xmas I saw her & asked whats with blanking. Even tho I disliked her, I always made a point of saying hello because I'm not the type of person to hate anyone. Thats when she told me i'd raped her.

It has absolutely destroyed me. I feel like i cant talk to anyone. As daft as it sounds, i'm now scared to have sex again. I would never do that to anyone. I really dont know what to do. Should I go to the police? Ignore it? Confront her?
My friends are behind me & most of them just rolled their eyes when I told them as she has a reputation for being a bit of a nutter. But my arguement is that it only takes one person or for her to go to the police & my life is over.

Can anyone please tell me what to do???

[quinnb]

Well she has not gone to the police else u would have been arrested by now. My personal advice is to hold your nerve and do nothing. If she has your mobile number change it. Block her from Facebook so she can't re add you in future. And avoid her haunts. In other words disappear. When she told u that u raped her was she drinking. Cuz it could have been drink talking. I think she is just playing silly game don't indulge her by playing back.

[Saffron]

Please whatever you do, DON'T go to the police. They will take it as a reported rape and will interview her and persuade her to make a complaint. Then you will find yourself in a whole load of trouble.
I echo Quinn B's advice - hold your heart and nerve and sinew and wait to see what happens. It's a terrible, horrific thing to be accused of, but if you go to the police you are handing yourself to them on a plate.
If she goes to the police then you can deal with that as necessary. But if you know in your heart of hearts that you didn't rape her, then leave it. Let her be the one who takes it further.

In the meantime, make notes of everything you can remember about this time. Keep them in a safe place. Good luck.

[largactyl1]

Hi Chipfork, I can't really add much - I agree that you should not under any circumstances go to the police - and urge you to definitely to make notes about everything in detail (with dates etc. where possible)and keep them secure - maybe with a member of the family and not at your residence. Once you have done this, try and move on, as there is nothing more you can do.
It is such a heinous crime and leaves the Falsely Accused with so many horrible feelings - powerlessness, panic, confusion, disgust, asking "Why" and "How could someone do this".

People's reactions would indicate that this girl is well known for being unbalanced and her reaction to you after spending time with you would suggest she has "issues".

In time it will die down in your head, but it could be a while until you can trust again.

I really feel for you and hope things sort themselves out for you

Kind regards
Jen