Trusting Again

[largactyl1]

Hi people,

Well, it's been over 6 months since the nightmare began and 2 months since Tony was NFA'd after the horrible ex-girlfiend's terrible false allegations. There is a rumour going around that she may have been cautioned by the police for wasting their time but we don't know this (She should be in prison for what she put him through - and the number of times she has made false allegations of one kind or another - both against Tony and others).

The issue I would like opinions and advice on today however, is when people have felt able to begin relationships with new people. Tony has been invited by a nice lady he used to know at school (30 odd years ago) to go for a cup of tea. He is worried about a couple of things - other than he's just not ready for a relationship and maybe this is what the lady would like. But if she will just want to see him as a friend:

1). How does he tell her about what happened
2). What if she was to accuse him of something

What do people think about this? How do you broach the subject - afterall, most people don't understand about False Allegations - I didn't until it happened to Tone and I started coming here and getting priceless help and support plus insight into how common the crime of Falsely Accusing someone actually is. How can he trust someone (females in his case) after this terrible incident?

Jen x

[Verity]

If it is just for a cup of tea she won't mind meeting him in a public place or T having a trusted companion (chaperone) going with him.

If she invites him to her's he should decline politely.

If he doesn't want to talk about why he is reticent to be alone with her all he needs to say is that someone did something wicked to him which has caused him injury and needs time to recover.

If she is genuine she will respect that he has had a traumatic experience and not get shirty about it.

If she does then all he needs to say is that it was good to see her again and wish her all the best.

One trick I used to employ when I went out on a date was to get a girlfriend to text me asking if all well, if not I would send a blank message back, she would then ring me and say my X Y or Z (as applicable) had fallen down stairs and I had to get home.
It was easier than trying to squeeze through the ladies loo window!!!

[Rights Fighter]

I couldn't have answered that better myself V.

I've done the escaping bit but usually through a back door......too fat for a ladies loo window....

[RFLH]

I can recommend the phonecall and a willing friend!!

[Rights Fighter]

You weren't even in the pub when I did that for you RFLH!

[Saffron]

Good advice from Verity.
R still won't allow himself to be left alone with a female he doesn't know.

I would suggest that the public meeting place is probably the best option. If she invites him to her house he should decline. Alternatively he could invite her to his house and make sure there is a friend already there.

Building relationships and trust is very difficult after something like this but it can and should be attempted. He has to try to get back to where he was, albeit with reasonable precautions.

[Rights Fighter]

This reminds me of a guy who was released after serving his time.

At the time he had no partner and went to live in a flat that needed some work doing to it. He had a carpet replaced and when the fitter came it was a woman. Not only was it a woman, it was a woman wearing low cut trousers exposing a thong and half her backside when she was bent over on the floor doing some measuring.

He panicked and rang me and stayed on the phone until she had left.

It wasn't the fact that he was worried he "might get turned on" by her, but the fact she was so skimpily dressed for a tradeswoman he thought she might be a tad promiscuous and that she might come on to him and then turn it around into a false allegation.

He was terrified.

[utterlydestroyed]

I NEVER leave the house without a witness escort, I only shop at night with a trusted friend...and I will NEVER trust a police officers for the rest of my life!!!

They are the SCUM of the earth!

NB: Police finally after two years ADMITTED in writing it was a FALSE allegation against me...but that has not stopped these homophobic scum in police uniforms relentlessly persicuting me, my family & friends!