Help me! Falsely Accused of Rape!

[Shatteredhusband]

I know that you are worried that this will shatter her perception of her youngest son. I still think you will surprised how supportive she will be. As a Christian I am sure she will recognise that we all do things that we wish we hadn't and I am sure she will forgive your indiscretion in her eyes (the one night stand). She will be more focused on this girl making a false allegation against you.

[OldJoe]

is there anyway I can contact the police dealing with my case?

[OldJoe]

they asked me a question and I couldn't remember but now I have remembered.

[witsend]

oldjoe, write down anything you remember and keep it safe. I still think your best course of action at this point in time is speak to your mother. Christian or not she is primarily your mother and she will wonder why you never confided in her. I would be heartbroken if i felt my son had kept something like this from me, but you know your mum best. Her christian faith will help her to help you.

[OldJoe]

I can't belive this, I'm just glad there are 3 people that can say it was consensual. I mean they havent kept my phone either. It's not looking to bad.

[Midnight and Worried]

Hello oldjoe,

I'm really sorry that you find yourself in this situation but if you read this thread- Serviceman wrongly accused:
http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...rongly-accused
you will will find that you are in almost the same situation as my Grandson was a little while ago,you will also see the outcome.He is twenty so you will see the similarities to yourself.

Like others I do urge you to tell your Mother no matter how difficult you find it,no doubt her response will be the same as mine when I was told and you will need a lot of support while this proceeds to it's conclusion.

As there are no forensics,i.e.mobile phone,computor,DNA etc it may not take as long as my Grandson's case although it will seem to be going on forever,it does come to an end.

I know how hard it is but you know that you have done nothing wrong so you must try to stay calm and keep strong,don't let this eat away at you,please talk to your Mom though,it will help lift the burden a little if you can bring yourself to do this.

It may take a while as the Police do work very slowly,it took from July until December until our case was resolved so do be prepared for a long wait,hopefully this will have the same outcome as my Grandson.

[OldJoe]

I'm feeling so down,
So worried about whats to come, its only been a few days, I just want this to be over
Someone help me!

[Shatteredhusband]

Oldjoe,

as I mentioned before, the first couple of weeks are definitely the worst. Your emotions will be all over the place. I know how you feel. You just want to do something, anything to help clear your name.

Unfortunately you cannot speed up or do the investigation. The police will do it at their own pace. This will take weeks or months to reach a decision and you need to cope between now and then.

This forum is great but you will need people in the real world to talk to as well. If you do discuss this with your mum, I am sure that the reaction you fear will not be the one you elicit. Any parent will feel a strong sense of protection towards a child being treated as you are.

No-one can tell you how this case will progress but from what you have said there are a number of positive aspects which we have already discussed. Have you worked out what her motive is? It's easier to convince the police/CPS she has lied if you can give a convincing motive for her to do so. Is she involved with someone else and needed an alibi, needs it to explain an STD or suspected pregnancy, is she mad at you for some reason, sympathy/attention seeker,monetary gain (with compensation), did she feel that you had ruined her reputation by discussing the one night stand with her ex?

I will try to check in again later.

Remember you are innocent, I know you feel down but this period will not last forever and given the positive points we have identified, do not let this girl ruin you. I really think that you need to inform your mum about this, especially as you cannot talk with your friends right now.

Best wishes
SH

[allatsea]

Please tell your Mum

Oldjoe,

we have just come through this with our own son (18) who was NFA'd just before Christmas. I was in the position of being the one who opened the door to the police when they came to arrest him so I knew straight away - but we were able to support him through it all and be a contact for the police, solicitor etc as he is in the forces. As a mum I have strong stands on certain issues but I know that my children may not have the same views - I think (hope) your mum would feel the same. I hurt because someone was hurting my son - but that is a pain we parents can, and want, to bear for our children.

The pain and distress you are feeling at the moment is natural and the first few hours/days/weeks are the worst. There is nothing you can do to push the process forward, but as the days move on the initial shock will lesson and you will feel more able to cope. Don't be afraid to see your doctor if you need to.

Keep strong and stay on here - and get support from friends and family,

allatsea

[OldJoe]

Told my Mother, and I'm going to stay with my brother for a while, till my bail time is up. thank you for telling me to tell my Mum , eels like a huge burden has been lifted from me, and she is supporting me 100%.
thank you. Will keep you updated on the situation.

[witsend]

Well done oldjoe, I'm so glad your Mother now knows what you are going through, that's what mothers are for. Now that you have done that give some serious thought to seeing your GP, or one close to your brothers, ASAP. Remember what you discuss with your GP is confidential. Without the support of our Doctor my son never would have got through the ordeal and 1 year on he is still in turmoil even though his case was NFA'd. Keep coming back, but yet again, well done.

[RFLH]

well done oldjoe - it will help you over the next few months.

If your mum or brother need help to cope - please direct them here and we'll do our best.

[allatsea]

Well done. I'm glad you've got someone to stay with. Stay on this forum - it is a great support,

allatsea

[Shatteredhusband]

Oldjoe,

So glad that you took crucial step of confiding in your family. I knew that you would feel better for it. A trouble shared is a trouble halved. Just having it out in the open and being able to talk about with someone will make the entire thing easier to bear.

You may feel that you can share some of the details with your brother that you wouldn't feel comfortable telling your mum.

Keep coming back as the support is an additional resource for you and the collective wisdom of the others more experienced than me will be a godsend.

Now have a beer with your brother tonight. Something good to eat and tomorrow try and contact a GP. they can help practically with the anxiety as everyone has recognised and a paper trail or sick note might be useful for college if your studies understandably suffer during this period.

Look after yourself.
SH

[largactyl1]

Hi Old Joe, so sorry you have found yourself here. I am so glad you told your Ma, Mum's are there for when everything goes tits up. Mum's are also good for fighting tooth and nail for their kids as well as essential support. I know what you mean about your Christian mother finding out you have sex - my Catholic mother took it very badly- but it looks like she just wants to be in your corner.

Are you on medication for your anxiety. Over the next few weeks (as others have said) you will feel a range of emotion: from desperation (I'm going to prison), elation (nothing will happen, there is no evidence), anxiety and possibly difficulties in sleeping.

If these occur it is important to talk to your GP and tell your family members and friends how you are feeling. When left alone with your head in your hands it makes everything a lot worse. This is likely to be a tough few weeks, but you have done nothing wrong. As has also been said, write down anything that comes into your head which you feel you have forgotten to say before - Tony found this vital (His case was NFA after 4 months).
Very best wishes to you Joe
Jen x