In Need Of Advice/Help

[Shatteredhusband]

HFMS, you have done the right thing coming on the forum.

The advice to look for a solicitor who specialises in false allegations is a good one. I engaged a different firm on the advice of FASO (you can google them).

I know that you are not sure why she has done this. You mentioned OCD, not sure this is important but I did wonder if she may have a borderline personality disorder, which is common in women who make these sort of allegations and may fit with some of the behaviours you describe. People with BPD struggle with relationships especially when they break down and they feel abandoned. They have also often been abused or neglected as children.

Did your son end their relationship?

[Help For My Son]

Help For My Son

Hi again SH - thanks for that.
The girl has also had counselling for parental abuse.
She finished the relationship - she now has another boyfriend.

From talking at length with my son it is apparent she was constantly giving mixed messages during their relationship - yes you can - no you mustn't - yes you can - yes I like it - no I don't like it etc etc. She also instigated some of the foreplay activities. Now she has decided to shout rape. What is the motive? I keep asking myself.
Isn't this just two young people exploring bounderies?

Regards

[Shatteredhusband]

HFMS, your son is obviously not denying that the sexual activity took place. He believes that the girl consented each time. Indeed you say she even claimed that two fo the five occasions were consensual.

You may find this link to an article on the issue of consent and rape:

http://www.wikicrimeline.co.uk/index...pe_and_Consent

[Help For My Son]

Help For My Son

Thanks for that link - very interesting - have to read it a few times to grasp the wonderful legal language. But I'm slowly getting my head round this I think.
Many thanks

[witsend]

welcome

dear helpformy son
glad you found your way here but not due to the circumstances. I can;t offer you legal advice but as a mother who went through the ordeal of our son being falsely accused my heart goes out to you and your son. the question most people ask is WHY??? and unfortunately in most cases we never get an answer to that question. This is going to be an awful time for your son, you and family members. We found our GP was fantastic and without him and this place i don't know how we would have coped. Has he seen is doctor, especially after the self harming? you may find that you are going to need the support of your doctor as well, don't leave until things get too bad as you have to be strong for your son. As somebody else said the Samaritans are great if you need someone to talk to. Make use of whatever is available. keep coming back, you're in my thoughts

[Rights Fighter]

HFMS, do you have a solicitor involved who is experienced in dealing with false allegations of sexual offences? It's rather different to defending sex offences.

If you have not already instructed such a solicitor (remember funding does not kick in until the "suspect" has been charged so some will invoice you until then) post up the area (county not town) and I'll see if I have any recommendations.

[Help For My Son]

Help For My Son

Witsend - Thank you so much for your thoughts - my family really appreciate all the kind people we have found on this forum.

Rights Fighter - Thank you for your input - we are seeing the duty solicitor tomorrow at 3.30. .

I feel we need to go to this appointment tomorrow because Mark was present at the police interview. I know we can change, and might well do that. We'll see how we feel about them and go from there.

At least from this forum, and especially your inputs, I know what to be asking them.

Thank you for your support - it is very welcome.

Kind regards

[witsend]

dear helpformyson, all i can suggest at the moment is that you keep coming back here and we will do our best to offer emotional and practical support. These females are wicked and i sometimes think that they can have no comprehension of what they are doing. they merrily get on with their lives whilst the ones they have falsely accused and their families suffer a living nightmare. Our sons case was NFA'd nearly 10 months ago and, believe it or not, things have got worse since then. Thinking of you

[Help For My Son]

Help For My Son

Witsend
Happy that your grandson's case ended NFA - but completely understand about the effect these type of accusations could have. Part of my talks with my son have been about him not thinking all girls/women are like this. One meets many people in the course of ones life - good and bad - the art is knowing which they are - not easy when emotions are involved.
Anyway I do hope your Grandson gets stronger and can see a way forward here.
Bless you both

[witsend]

dear helpformyson
It was our SON that was accused. We have had a very similar talk with our son, but at this moment in time the only females he trusts are me and his phycologist. must point out that he has learning difficulties which has made things so much harder.

[Help For My Son]

Help For My Son

Witsend
Sorry about that - your son - not grandson.
It must be very hard for you both - my heart goes out to you. I hope time will heal.
Thinking of you

[Rights Fighter]

I don't know those but that is not to say that they are not good as they may well be.

The reason I suggested just putting down your county (if you needed a recommendation) is that this is a public forum which means that on the odd occasion the police have a read, so best not to put too much identifying info down.

Obviously they are not here 24/7 but I would suggest that you remove some of the details you have posted just in case.

[Help For My Son]

Help For My Son

Rights Fighter
Thanks for that - Staffordshire.

[witsend]

dear helpformyson
please look after yourself during all of this, as a parent to watch your child go through this ordeal is horrendous. May i ask, do you have a partner?

[Help For My Son]

Help For My Son

Witsend
Yes - we are a very happy family. My wife is the nicest person I know. This is hell for her obviously - hell for all of us.