Please help.

[mandalorian204]

My ex wife has accused me of having non consensual sex with her, to cut a long story short she has told the police that I was on top of her when she said she did not want to have sex, she also told them that the act ended becasue she was sore because she was on her period so she stopped riding me, surely if it was non consensual then how comes she was on top of me, I have been arrested and bailed and was able to tell the police exact detail from start to finish including her telling me to get on my back so she could ride me, my head tells me that surely the cps or police wont understand why she was on me if i was supposed to be having non consensual sex with her? comments and advice would be very welcome.

[Shatteredhusband]

Mandalorian, firstly can I say that I am sorry that you find yourself in position like this. Secondly I feel that you have come to the right place. The people here are helping me through a very similar situation. I have been accused by my wife and the allegation meant I cannot return to our home or contact her in any way.

I was arrested three weeks ago and have been through the full range of emotions; disbelief, anger, numbness, sorrow, depression and at some points suicidal. I even wrote the notes. I am starting in the right direction mainly because I feel that I cannot let her get away with this and I need to be there for my son. She is alcoholic and has psychiatric problems.

My first step following reading so many things was to work out exactly why she has accused you. If you want the police and CPS to believe that she lied, you need to make clear her motive(s) for doing so. These could be alibi (does she have a new partner), revenge/anger (was she mad at you for something), sympathy/attention seeking, money (there can be compensation claims on her part), was there some issue over your divorce (unhappy with settlement or custody). You know her better than anyone so you should have an idea why.

The police will probably have your mobile, but were there any texts or messages which would corroborate that this was consensual. The police will be very professional and in my particular case, I believe that I have been very fortunate as he seems fair minded. However their job is to collect and secure any evidence which supports the allegation, they are less likely to search for evidence which undermines that case. I would advise that you discuss with a solicitor. I changed to a firm recommended by FASO (google them and you can call them one evening. The ability to talk to someone outside of your close family is certainly useful.

Whatever you do, do not even be tempted to contact her directly indirectly.

I know what you are saying about the unlikely nature of the allegations in your case. Part of the accusation in mine seems not only improbable but impossible. We had tried this on a few occasions and it was hard enough juggling things with a willing participant never mind trying to restrain and do several things at the same time. However in these cases, it seems that even when I was out of the country at the alleged time, they say that the time must have been wrong and it must have been before I left at 4:20 am. So no matter how implausible it seems they will tend to give the benefit of the doubt. However the police and CPS are only human and they will be forming in their mind an idea of which is the more realistic scenario.

You must try to write down everything that you can remember and if fresh things, not covered in your interview, occur please contact your solicitor. They can advise if a second interview would be beneficial. The other advice is to try to be patient (I really struggle with this bit), because the wheels of justice turn at an almost glacial pace.

Good luck with your quest to prove your innocence and try to keep active and positive.

Best wishes

[RFLH]

thanks shatteredhusband - its good to see a new poster helping out someone else, whilst going through the same thing.