Suicidal

[largactyl1]

Hello people, I am so worried about A. he has to answer bail on Wednesday and is in absolute bits. The previous times have been put off and it looks like Wednesday is the biggie. His "Responsible Adult" (his ex-wife, they are excellent friends) has been trying to contact the PC who is now the Officer in charge, to find out what is going on but she is not returning calls - this has sent A. into a tailspin as this Police officer said she'd get back to them. The reason A. has a "Responsible Adult" is because he is mentally ill at the moment with depression. We talk most days as he is one of my very closest friends but today he just broke down. He says if he is charged he will hang himself.

I am beginning to think that his accuser just simply does not know right from wrong - with A. being the 9th person she has accused (3rd to police). Surely because she made 3 accusations about A. (one of assault, one of death threats via text, one of rape....and in later interviews that he forced her to do sexual stuff in front of web-cam) and 2 of those (plus webcam stuff) are proven lies SURELY the police won't take the last one seriously.

I just don't know what to do for A. and neither does my husband (except helpfully suggesting running her over). Oh dear, feeling ever so worried.

Jen x

[RFLH]

I'm not surprised you're worried. Has he been to the gp's? It sounds as if he needs something to calm him down. I think most chaps feel like this at some point, so hopefully someone will come along and offer useful advice about how they coped.

I'm so sorry that you are all going through this.

[LS]

I can't say I've been in that exact position - of waiting for something to be decided - so I can't really advise. All I can say is, from the situation of being classed as a "convicted sex offender" they can put whatever label they like on you, but it doesn't make you one.

If that's A's worst nightmare, then it could be worse - I could think of a life-threatening disease, for example. Being convicted and labelled (if that's the worst case outcome that he's scared of) is survivable. I'm still here (just) but instead of hating myself, I hate the system for being corrupt to the point of persecuting me for something I didn't do, and employing idiots to decide.

Yes it would be easy to hang oneself, as A states, but then that's giving in to the b*****ds. They may take away my good name, but they're not having my life too, and that's the advice I'd give him.

[LS]

It may also be worth having a look at the sex offender "sticky" http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...ender-Register

Although it won't calm him down, it may help to show him that being on the register is no big hardship really. Yes, it means you have to visit plod once in a while, but so what? They'll get fed up of seeing me long before I do.

Unfortunately, he is going to have to face the mental anguish that I'm still going through (4 years after the event) of Why? and How COULD they get away with it? Why me?

It's not easy, but then I'd rather stick around so I can continue to be a pain in the ar*e to the system than to just roll over and give them what they want.

[worriedfather]

HI
Please tell A to keep going, Depression is beatable. As far as his accuser goes, If she has made previous accusations to the police then there should be a record. If they have been proved to be false or werent followed up, then his solicitor should be able to get them disclosed and use them as evidence of bad character ie a liar. The fact that he knows about them is a great help as they cant be "forgotten" or "overlooked" by plod and the CPS. He is quite within his rights to get his solicitor to have an expert check the phone as plod will probably only reveal what helps their case. Good Luck, My son is court next week, so A is not the only one going through this, He suffers from Depression, plod decided he did not need a responsible adult as they dont view depression as a mental illness !

[allatsea]

Can't really say much as I don't know what to say. I just hope that A finds the strength to deal with it. I do know that the waiting and waiting is torture (our son has just had his bail extended) and that just knowing either way when a decision is made will release much of the anguish and allow him to deal with the next stage,

allatsea

[Rights Fighter]

It's a difficult one. If he succeeds or attempts suicide, then people who know no better will say "he couldn't live with the guilt". His answer to that would be "well I won't be around to suffer that".

However, those who love him, will. I can fully understand why he is putting himself first because of the mental anguish and sometimes that can be too hard to bear.

The previous provable false allegations worry me in that the police do not seem to be taking note of these.

All we can do is to hope and pray that come next bail date it will be NFA'd, with the possibility of her being prosecuted.

[witsend]

I can't really add much more than other have said, just to let you know you are in my thoughts.

[largactyl1]

Bailed Again.

Hello people, thankyou so much for your words, you have all been very helpful. Your strength throughout your individual nightmares is very inspiring. LS I admire your strength in managing to keep on going and being a thorn in the backside of the authorities. Worried Dad, I really hope your son's court case goes well for you all- if your son has severe depression which is being treated at beyond the level of Primary Care (I.E under the local CAMHS team) then he should be considered a vulnerable adult. Thankyou all so much, I wouldn't wish this on anyone but I am glad you are all here - if you see what I mean. I know A is grateful as we talk about it.

Well, A's responsible Adult finally managed to get in touch with the PC and A isn't to answer his bail tomorrow afterall. Although the mobile phone had been analysed by the IT firm, turns out that the South Wales police authority that we come under has a new computer system which is incompatible to the disk (or somesuch), so the info on it can't be used. So the phone is back off to be analysed again. And A. is left dangling once again.

A. is absolutely limp with depression now, I am going to see him tomorrow and if I think he needs it I will try to get him into hospital for his own safety.

I very rarely feel hatred (usually that honour is reserved for politicians who take us into unjust wars... yadda yadda) but I have to say that I truly hate his accuser. She is a revolting human being - she's a total alcoholic (top-up all day drinker) and was probably drunk when she came up with this scheme to persecute A in this way ( A. doesn't drink). She will certainly have been drunk when interviewed and videoed etc. - she was the first time she accused someone ( 2 people actually) - to the police (about 4 years ago) as it was me that went with her to the video suite.

I was friends with her then as she was A's partner, I always ignored her lies before as I assumed she was telling the truth about her various "rapes", and the other lies, while sick, didn't seem malicious - right up until last year when she accused A. of beating her up in town - the CCTV proved that this did not happen. Then I couldn't deal with her any more and couldn't waste anymore of my life listening to her tales of woe. How could someone DO something like this? I was looking at the "Criminal Injuries" compensation info the other day and am starting to wonder if money as well as her "victim fix" might have something to do with it? If someone is drunk when being interviewed about a "crime" is that even legal????

Thankyou all so much for being here. I feel very lost with everything.

Jen x

[goldfish]

Hi Largactyl1

It is always reassuring to see others supporting friends in these nightmare situations. We too are having to deal with an accuser who has the same character as your friends accuser and she is now being described as a vulnerable victim by the prosecution. This worries me and makes me angry as she is well known as a nasty and manipulative person.
The police kept my husbands mobile phone and did not show much interest in checking it out even though he had mentioned phone calls in his police interview.
My husbands solicitor had an independant IT phone expert check his mobile phone and only now have the prosecution decided to check his accusers phone records. This should have been done a year ago as important information could now have been lost. If this has to be done in your case make sure its done early.
My husband has recently attended his first hearing, the last one being cancelled at the last minute. Apart from his solicitor this was the first time he has had to speak or be up in front of any one official since his police interview when he was charged and in court the following day which was over a year ago. Like your friend he was a nervous wreck, he was visibly shaking before he went in and I was near to tears just seeing him like that. He has refused to take the prescription the doctor gave him and is still quite angry at how the doctor dealt with him.
The hearing itself lasted only 15 minutes and he was surprised at how calmer he became once things got started. His solicitor reassured him and told him where and what to do and apart from confirming his name he didn't have to speak at all. The advocate did all the talking. It resulted in more time being needed and so the hearing will continue next month.
He is still desperatly down using his work to keep him going. i can see how stress must be getting to your friend and I feel for him as well as you self, it is not an easy situation with any definate answers. I think supporting each other is the only way through this ordeal.